& i want to believe i could.

thorton, the oldest, takes her and lucy’s pause as an invitation to answer the question first. he’s all clear eyes and dressed up ambition, and he doesn’t hesitate to describe his plans. “once i finish school, i’m going to build a technological empire.” as he speaks, moon watches him with mild interest. he definitely has the intellect to achieve his dream, and she wonders if the next time she meets him, he’ll be one of those high-flying CEOs, all starched suits and polished brilliance. he continues to ramble on about his desire to invent and innovate, until lucy interrupts him mid-sentence. “i plan on following my brother’s footsteps and joining the international police,” she declares, arms crossed. while thorton is all cool intensity, lucy is bright hot determination. she’s a little too pushy for moon’s tastes, but she recognizes the wide-eyed adoration that lucy holds for her older brother. lucy’s got high expectations for herself but has proven time and time again that she’s capable of putting in the work to reach her goals– moon admires her drive, even if she doesn’t appreciate the girl’s moodiness.

“and what about you, moon?”

three pairs of eyes turn to meet her own and moon is overwhelmed by a sudden wave of panic. standing in the presence of such big dreams makes her feel small, insignificant.

“uhhh…”

she’s only fourteen and people expect her to have her life together, planned out to a t. she knows she desperately wants to be someone, wants to make a name for herself, wants to leave behind a legacy to be proud of— it’s just the how that leaves her feeling helplessly lost.

she’s not like hau, with his perpetual optimism and his constant drive to improve. she’s not like lillie either, who still finds the strength to be warm and kind and forgive, despite all that she’s suffered at the hands of her mother. in the beginning, she thought maybe she could find some camaraderie in gladion, but all those thoughts flew out the window the moment he ran into the fray at aether paradise to confront his demons head on.

they’re expecting her to answer, to detail some equally enterprising goal, but moon comes up empty. she doesn’t know where she’s headed, is pretty sure that all she’s accomplished at this point is the result of following other people’s adventures in lack of her own. she falters, considers weaving an elaborate lie about how she intends to become an architect or an astronaut or anything rather than saying i don’t know.

lying is more trouble than its worth so in lieu of offering the truth, she deflects. “do you ever wish that it was possible to push the fast-forward button and skip all the boring parts until you get to the part where you’ve gotten everything figured out?”

thorton frowns at her and starts to explain why its logistically impossible for such a device to even exist, while lucy huffs and rolls her eyes as he rants.

“they’re basically people who’ve passed through… wormholes. apparently they have a “strange energy” about them which attracts… certain pokemon.” here she stops, bites her lip, wonders if she should try to explain ultra wormholes and ultra beasts to someone who probably doesn’t have the clearance to be privy to this information. “the police have been quietly luring these pokemon in for capture by using fallers as bait.”

gold gives a low snort. “hardly sounds legal, but since when has that stopped anyone.”

her heart beats erratically in her chest, and her nerves feel out of place compared to the lulled breathing of her companion. she swallows before opening her mouth again.

“there’s reports of fallers dying when pulled into confrontation. the deaths are covered up, but seeing as so few fallers even exist, there’s no way its a coincidence.”

she’s silent for a long moment, can sense the gears turning in his head as he connects the dots. gold may play the role of jokester, but he’s not stupid.

“they-” she pauses, trying to keep her voice steady, before starting again. “they want me back in alola tomorrow.”

“i’m scared.” she admits to the silence. she’s spent the last four hours in the company of some of this generation’s greatest trainers, all of whom have risked their life in one way or another for the greater good of their region or the world. each and every one of them have come face-to-face with death and part of her feels incompetent for being unable to do the same.

normally she wouldn’t be this forthcoming, especially to one of those very trainers, but she knows that gold’s so far gone that he likely won’t remember this conversation— and even if he does, she doubts that he’d care enough to share her confession with other people.

she sits up suddenly, ignoring a small wave of dizziness, waiting for it to pass in a moment. “i’m trying to be brave ‘cause when i’m brave, other people feel brave but i feel like my heart is caving in.” this part comes out as a rush and she doesn’t stop for a breath before continuing. “i can’t tell them no. but i’m scared to die.”

gold stares at her, opens his mouth and closes it. he looks taken aback. this likely isn’t where he expected this conversation to go when he joined her outside.

“moon?”

all of a sudden she regrets opening her mouth, regrets oversharing, regrets spilling her secrets to a person she admires, a person who she barely knows and has only previously had three or four conversations with. this isn’t his problem and this isn’t her place.

moon makes herself smile. she has to be brave for a little longer, long enough that she can hold her ground to protect everything she loves.

“its okay,” she says. maybe it isn’t.

but she knows what she has to do.

she gets up, taps at her phone screen and orders an uber to take her to her hotel room. she has to catch a ferry in the morning and she should get as much sleep as she can.

“moon.” she looks up from her phone and watches as an uncharacteristically somber expression crosses gold’s face. he’s never seemed as serious as he does now. “you know, you can’t save everyone.”