i just remembered some of my mutuals became mutuals when we were teenagers. wow

the solarpunk reviews are so sad bc the game looks very cute and i love the idea and was looking forward to the release. but i don't want to spend that much for a half-baked game :(

one thing about being fragmented is that it sometimes makes it really difficult to see just how much progress i've made on anything without actively trawling through messages or notes or old posts, which isn't always a comfortable or safe thing do. so much of my life is shrouded in vague fog and i have the short bullet points of most need-to-know things but i don't always know when or where or who was involved or how i feel about it. i know i am not the same, but i don't always know exactly how, and then i have these moments where i start to question my entire existence and journey bc how much of where i am is down to healing and how much of it is just amnesia and denial. and i know rationally i'm not ready to know more than i do but i can't help but be curious and i want to understand or get to a place where i can but i just cannot do that. like i can't bridge the gap between memory and feelings and my interpretation and my rationalising and my reactions and all these pieces to paint a whole picture so the only thing left to just keep on going with blind trust and no frame of reference and i can't help but wonder why is it Me that has to be the one to do this. is this how it's going to be forever. have i tricked myself into an acceptable form of avoidance and/or denial. how can i say i am healed if i don't know what i'm healing from. and then the equally frustrating thing is that even as i'm writing this, i'm realising it starts to come back to me that it's not necessary true all of the time and i don't agree with all of it and i now i feel extremely embarrassed about spending the past 20 minutes writing something so vulnerable when i know it's just temporary but i really really don't want to delete another unposted thought. this is just how i feel sometimes and i want to feel more comfortable being honest and messy and conflicting in my own space again and not feel like i have to put my entire life on hold until i can make up my mind on who i am or how i feel or what i need

anyone want to hold hands and play in the park