Asher💗

people

im so exhausted. ive been up nearly fours hours past my bedtime either arguing with alex or trying to stop him hurting himself. its so draining. like i love him to bits and i will do anything for him but i shouldnt have to sit here while he is genuinely acting like a child. i shouldnt have to be scared to go to sleep at night knowing that my notification sound isnt enough to wake me up if he needs me. im so so tired.

I look at you and sometimes wonder how the universe ever allowed such fragile hands as mine to hold something so radiant, feeling like a perpetual shadow standing beside your fierce and steady light. Every quiet sigh you catch, every silent expectation I place upon my own weary shoulders, turns into a heavy anchor dragging me down into the exhausting belief that I am simply falling short, a fading melody trying desperately to keep up with your vibrant symphony. I am haunted by the ghost of every missed mark and every clumsy reassurance, terrified that my best efforts are merely faint echoes compared to the boundless devotion you so effortlessly pour into us. Yet, even in this labyrinth of my own self-doubt, where the heavy armor of inadequacy presses painfully against my chest, a quiet ache remains—the heartbreaking fear that my constant stumbling will finally tire your patient feet, and that my unworthiness will become the very weight that pushes you away.

my mum said some pretty horrible things to me last night and for the first time ever, i think i actually agree with her. what the fuck have i done with my fucking life? god i am just like claire.

me and tyler had our first proper argument last night. you know why? because i asked him if he was losing feelings. hes been really weird with me recently so obviously im gonna think somethings up. and then he kicks off at me for asking lucie if shes noticed anything weird with him. considering lucies his best friend of like 4 years i think shed know him better than i do. like he just got so mad at me for no reason and now he wont even talk to me. like im sorry for asking a question without permission the fuck why would i do something like that. im so sorry that i tried to communicate my feelings when theyre clearly invalid and i shouldve know that. i deeply apologise for feeling like shit all the time cuz depression isnt real and im clearly faking it

im so SICK of everybody treading on eggshells around me, yes i know i get emotional but i can take it like my dad fucking died and im still here and stronger than ever like seriously if youre gonna call me toxic say it to my face, if i call you out on a lie just tell me that youve lied to me its ridiculous how much people lie to my face to 'protect me' like protect me from what? i dont need protecting i need real friends not people who talk about me behind my back.