My Silence is a Black Note

LORA MATHIS

‘If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It’ by @lora-mathis;

I met a man with whom I have grown to appreciate

Heart bursted in a symphony from a song he initiates

A rhythm turning havoc inside the ensemble of my brain

Yet I only wish to watch through the broken glass stain.

No longer do I wish to chase after the butterflies

Let my stomach acid burn them and kill what electrifies

No longer do I wish to let anything spark within me

I only wish to stay away and be in my own company

No longer shall I swoon and giggle with delight

It is time to shut down any happiness found in his sight.

No future is promised and I shall not take any risk

For the creation of a sand castle can fall in a brisk.

There is no point in pursuing a man of high honor

Lest I let my heart once more fall victim and be a goner

For I've been here before and wish to be a fool no more

Tis better to be longing than to leave my heart sore.

Perhaps it is best to leave everything to the imagination

Of what could be and simply feed into the delusion

One might be happier living life with an empty heart

Rather than let love consume me from the start.

But even through it all the pain and suffering in love

I know I am not a perfect candidate to be someone's dove

My flaws and broken dreams outweigh the best things

Forever chained to the ground by the cupid with wings.

A bundle of anxious attachments with an overactive mind

Consumed in my own thoughts that I simply go blind.

I lose sight of good memories of the past and present

Leaving a self pitying selfish jerk to live in resentment

Insecurities shine through a broken kintusgi pot

Dusted with gold, it shall never be thrown out to rot

Yet there is no worth in dressing up my shortcomings

For there is not enough glue and gold to hide my unbecoming.

I wish upon no one to be vowed to the person I've become.

For in a world full of someones, I only wish to be no one.

I am beaten and broken, nothing left of me but a crumb.

And to the darkness I stare as I slowly succumb.

I've accepted my peace to be seen as someone unloveable.

So I keep my walls up and be perceived as unapproachable.

For no one could ever love the worst parts of me

Other than the person who has lived every memory.

And yet the tug of my heart has only gotten stronger

The butterflies in my stomach have only gotten plentier

You smile my way and I am left to be defenseless

And my brain can only scramble to make sense of the messes.

Your gaze has consumed my soul like a wild fire ablaze

Eyes, whether soft or with furrowed brows, I am amazed.

For the loudest sound around me is the silence you entice

Paired with the quickened pace from my heartbeat's race.

Talent through your veins, your hands a source of magic and wonder

Your rough calloused fingers dance along the strings of your guitar.

Inciting the most gentle of melodies, a show in mastery of your art.

And with such proficiency, you managed to tug at the strings of my heart.

Your being; a person of kindness and hope that is beyond compare.

Albeit mischevious with a hypnotic grin and jokes to spare.

Raised with the morals of God through the hands of your mother.

And growing to be your greatest version: a man of high honor.

Your humanity has no competition, and that goes without question.

Your smile, your gaze; a sight to be amazed with no further discussion.

Your soul is pure in a day and age where this characteristic is quite rare.