Just A Ranger’s Apprentice Fan

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I wish there were more talks of other reasons why someone might identify as transfem "despite" being assigned female at birth. Of course, discussions regarding why using asab/agab to create definitions of transness is inaccurate at best, and how many intersex people have complicated experiences with their assigned sex, resulting in them identifying in a "contradictory" way are both very, very important and are themselves not discussed enough, but I don't think just those discussions alone are enough.

I've come across the general mindset in more intersex-aware spaces of "Oh, yeah, intersex people with an inconsistent socially imposed gender or socially imposed gender that differs from their assigned gender might identify as transfem/transmasc even if it ostensibly aligns with their assigned gender at birth, but like, that's the only way or at least only reasonable way someone may identify that way."

There have been many instances in which people have defended assignment variant transfems/transmascs with their only point being "intersex people exist," which is fair and a very good defense, but what ends up happening is, in order to justify my existence, I have to bring up the fact I am intersex even though that has very little to do with why I identify as transfem "in spite" of my gender assigned at birth. I'd be transfem even if I wasn't intersex, basically. I've had people tell me I'm not really transfem, only to back off when they realize I'm intersex, and its just really really fucked because I both shouldn't have to be defending my transfemininity in the first place and shouldn't have rely on my being intersex to not be harassed, especially when if they were to figure out that being intersex isn't the reason I'm transfem the harassment would be back on!

I am intersex. I was assigned and raised female. I identify as a woman. I am transfem. Being intersex doesn't effect my identification as transfem all that much. These can all coexist and don't "take away" from my being transfem.

Largely, I'm transfem not because of the intersection between intersexism/being intersex and gender but because of the intersection between ableism and gender and how being nonbinary and plural complicates things.

Sure, when I was born the doctor checked off that I was female, noted I was a bit "off" but it'd probably go away, and then I was raised a girl. But I wasn't treated as a girl by my peers. At recess, the girls and boys would split off to do their own things, and the boys would tell me to go away because I wasn't one of them, but so would the girls. Sure, I was a girl, no one said otherwise, but I wasn't a girl like them. There was something off about me, so I'm not welcome. This has continued my entire life. By high school, I knew and felt that there was a chasm between me and not only other girls but also other boys, and not just because of the growing realization that I was nonbinary. I was just never one of them gender wise -- we all knew that.

Whoops! Turns out I'm autistic, and autistic people being left out of gendered aspects of life and being seen as "less of" their gender is uhm, pretty common to say the least. Same thing with being fat, which was also a contributor, to be honest.

Being treated as an other resulting in my girlhood feeling muddy and partial and needing to claim and work towards the femininity that I was never given isn't the only reason I am transfem, though it is a big part of it. I am plural. I am a headmate in a system. Our host is transmasculine. Most of the system is masculine in some way. The body is on testosterone HRT, with plans to get top surgery. Our legal name is masculine. You get the picture.

We didn't realize we were plural until after we realized we were trans, and our host assumed that the occasional, intense longing for femininity was just a part of genderfluidity. We had spent multiple years with the internal acceptance of being a guy before we had our syscovery and that intense longing for femininity was acknowledged to not be a part of genderfluidity but just me existing. Accepting I was a woman was a process. It was freeing. It was a big deal. It wasn't just "ope, guess I'm a woman, guess I'm just cis lol" because it was transformative and it wasn't so simple as "assigned female and is a woman so that means cis." Especially now that we/the body is transitioning, but even before then, I experience gender dysphoria! Both socially and bodily!

And I could talk about how being collectively multigender and not feeling like "some parts" of our gender is trans while "other parts" are cis and instead our genders are collectively all trans for ages but, uhm, this has gotten a bit long already and the overall point has been made, I think.

But I digress. I really, really want the common understanding of assignment variant transness to not be limited to "intersex people (and also sometimes multigender people) exist," even though, as previously stated, that itself isn't discussed enough. I wish I didn't have to feel like I need to justify my existence. I wish my existence wasn't debated in the first place. I wish the queer community was more open to more complex experiences and ways of describing those experiences. I wish people defending my complex experiences defended the specifics of my own experiences, if that makes sense? I wish I didn't feel invisible.

Hope you have a good one :)

Honestly it's just so frustrating and sad that "assignment variant" experiences need to be explained in the first place, because the key point of transfeminism is destroying these restrictive views on gender in the first place!!

AGAB is such an unhelpful framework and I wish people would ditch their obsession with it already!!

It ignores so many things! Intersexuality, altersexuality, nonbinarity (often with special neglect of multigenderedness), plurality, disability, race, cultural genders, detransitioning/retransitioning, etc, etc, etc!!

ART CHALLENGE

First one is transparent, second not :D

Only join if you want to!

Rules: tag me, I wanna see! And if you don't like the promt, just draw something else :D

I'm also making it myself rn

"'RA Drawing Challenge!' by Night wing (smiley face). Rules: 1. Tag me! I want to see your creativity! 2. can't/won't fill in a prompt? Draw something else! 3. Have fun! (smiley face)" [the title and credits have pink and purple backgrounds, respectively].

There are 8 prompts with the aforementioned squares beneath them. Beside each prompt is a tiny, simple drawing colored darker green compared to the pastel green background.

"Draw our sweet boy Will! [drawing of a tiny Will looking off to the side]"

"Draw your favorite Ranger! [drawing of an oak leaf pendant]"

"Draw your favorite non-Ranger! [drawing of a spoon and sword]"

"Draw your Ranger OC! [drawing of a blank character with sparkles around it]"

"Draw a brother band character! [drawing of a tiny boat]"

"Draw a horse/pet! [Drawing of a cat head]"

"Draw an underrated character! [drawing of a little sparkle]"

"Draw a villain! [smiling demon emoji drawing]"

Spin the wheel to find out what!

This idea was submitted by @dbnekonico!

Don't get me wrong: it's dark and disturbing, even moreso to Kris than to us. The game that this route revolves around seems like their worst fears brought to life: a scenario where they lash out and hurt everyone they know and love. Not for any good reason - just to prove the creator's sadistic point that they're an evil person, deep down. They claim that Kris's kindness is just a facade; that, if you strip away the pretense of caring, you get a person who wants nothing more than to rip and tear and kill. This image is so powerful that, by the end, it's become its own distinct entity - and breaks out of the game to menace Kris and Susie.

But neither of them are ever actually harmed. And that, I think, is the point.

The Manthole game, according to its narrator, was designed to make Kris show their "true colors". To demonstrate who they REALLY are, by forcing them to act that way in a game. But video games aren't reality, and this one, in particular, is a sandbox with almost no meaningful consequences. Instead of a trap to corrupt Kris, it turns into a kind of exposure therapy: an environment where they can confront their fear, with plenty of breaks to ground themself between sessions.

Ultimately, that's exactly what ends up happening: Kris plays the Sword Route for a while, heads back to touch base and hang out with friends, then comes back and picks it up to face the next leg of the journey. In every section, Kris's on-screen doppelganger does horrible things - but in the end, it all stays in the game. Even in the end, when HERO_SWORD breaks out and attacks Kris and Susie, no one is actually hurt - they give each of them a good scare, and immediately leave.

This happens twice, to be clear. The first time, the doppelganger "attacks" Kris, but takes off without actually trying to hurt them. The second time, they're close to hitting Susie, but Kris pulls her out of the way and they give up again. As frightening as this specter is, it has no actual power to hurt Kris or their friends - not when the real Kris is there to care for and protect them.

"Aaaand its a no on the sunglasses."

"I think they're cool!"

Just think about it, Will was a really good cook, because Halt was a good cook. Like mentor like apprentice. I also think that Halt really loves to cook, he finds immense joy in it. I think Pritchard really loved to cook too, and thats where Halt got it from, because Crowley knew how to cook well and he liked food-especially good food-but I don't think he really has a passion for it, not like Halt and Pritchard.

Ok, so, this is a very crazy idea I had out of nowhere while organizing my bookshelves:

Imagine that Will is Halt's biological son, born in Hibernia as a result of an arranged marriage and raised alone by his father after his mother died in childbirth. Now imagine if instead of Ferris trying to kill Halt, the twins talked things through and decided to fake Halt's death so their father would name Ferris heir to the throne (since Will would be too young). Once the deed is done, Halt goes to Araluen to become a Ranger. However, he willingly leaves Will behind to be raised in the court, since he doesn't want to drag him into a dangerous life in the wilderness, and because he knows Ferris position is more politically secure if he has an heir. He gifts little Will the bronze oakleaf necklace that used to be Pritchard's when he was an apprentice and that the old Ranger gave to him. Ferris promised him that he would care for Will, and Halt always visited over the years when he could. They also communicate through letters. Like canon, Halt meets Crowley, recruits the rogue Rangers, fight Morgarath, trains Gilan, all of that, and he keeps his royal past a secret, so no one even knows he has family. Meanwhile, in Clonmel, Will grows into the extroverted, kind, witty, curious and smart boy he is in canon, being raised as his uncle's heir instead of an orphan, which makes him more confident than he is in The Ruins of Gorlan. He also grows up with his cousin Sean. Will loves Halt deeply, never takes off the necklace his father gave him (not knowing it's meaning) and cherishes his visits and letters, but he doesn't know his father is a Ranger because Halt doesn't tell him the truth, saying he works as a forest warden. Will suspects this isn't true because his father is too skilled to be just a forest warden, but doesn't pressure Halt out of respect. He trains archery, knife throwing and other Ranger skills just to have something in common with the father he rarely sees, unknowlingly becoming a self-taught Ranger outside of the Corps. Think of him as a male version of Maddie in TRR: Dutiful crown prince by day, Ranger by night.

Years later, Morgarath prepares to go to war against Araluen a second time: He makes a secret alliance with Tennyson. In exchange for Morgarath providing muscle (his mercenaries) and tactical advice, Tennyson uses the Outsiders cult to drain the wealth of Hibernian kingdoms, starting with Clonmel. The gold stolen from Clonmel's nobles and commoners via the Outsiders' extortion racket is smuggled across the sea to fund Morgarath’s war machine in the Mountains of Rain and Night. Tennyson's cult begins preaching that King Ferris and Crown Prince Will are "false rulers" who refuse to protect the people from bandits (the mercenaries Morgarath promised). Once Clonmel is economically crippled and politically divided by cult riots, Morgarath plans to land a mercenary fleet, execute Ferris, and use Clonmel as his western staging ground to launch a surprise naval invasion against Araluen's west coast. He knows that if he only attacks from the south, Araluen’s Rangers and army can bottle him up. An attack from the western sea forces Duncan to split his forces.

As the Outsiders cult grows in Clonmel, Ferris has Will investigate them, knowing how stealthy his nephew is. Will learns about the cult's connection to Morgarath’s forces across the sea (remembering the warlord from his father's stories). He gathers evidences of their plans to Clonmel and present them to Ferris, who then sends him to Araluen with the mission of showing the evidences to King Duncan and request his aid in purging the Outsiders from Clonmel. Will goes hoping to receive the King's help and to discreetly meet with his father to tell him about what's happening in Clonmel.

So there Will goes, and upon entering on the throne room for the private audience with Duncan, he sees Halt (a supposed forest warden) standing beside the King and the Ranger Commandant, freezes and says 'Dad?'