No matter how strong you are, there are still moments you find yourself crying to sleep.
Oftentimes, strong people are overlooked since most people think they can handle themselves all the time. It's quite true but it's also true that deep inside every strong person is a longing to have someone understand them beyond the surface. Someone who can be there when they want to be vulnerable and cry whatever's bottling inside them. Someone who is able to tell whenever something is wrong with them just by looking at their eyes.
But as the strong person that you are, you want to be someone others can lean on. Even if you also feel weak, you want to be strong for others. Even if you feel limited and tired, you'd still want to extend yourself to others.
You are a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, a companion, and an encourager. People are blessed to have you in their lives. You do this out of the kindness of your heart, a gift from God.
However, there are moments when you want to reach out to others to be heard. But you hesitate because you know they have their struggles to deal with too. You don't want to be a burden and suppress everything to yourself. The more you suppress, the more it fills up. When you can no longer hold it in, you burst into tears and cry until you fall into sleep. Your witness is your bedroom and your pillow soaked with your tears. God sees you.
God knows what you're going through. He knows your heart. He knows your unspoken needs. He hears your wordless groans. You don't have to carry all the burden on yourself. You don't have to try harder. You don't have to be strong all the time.
You can surrender it to God. Rely more on Him. Rely on other people as well. You don't know, but maybe they're just waiting for you to open up yourself. They know how you've been there for them when they needed you. If you're willing to let them in your life during your weak moments, you can lean on them too. Even if they can't be with you all the time, it doesn't mean they don't care. The same way that even if you don't see God, doesn't mean He is not present.
It may be hard to show people your weak side as they often see you strong but know this: We all have weaknesses we don't want others to see but God knows. He knows and yet He loves us. We may be weak but our God is strong. Our flesh may fail but our God never will. Thus, we can lean unto God.
May these verses bring comfort to you.
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God." (Romans 8:26-27)
"Weeping may endure for a night, But joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)
You can cry tonight and trust that even if the morning doesn't promise tomorrow will be alright, you can find joy in the confidence that God is who He says he is. He is faithful to keep His promises.