winter's keeper;

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sentences from 10 more of jenna’s videos – feel free to change names/pronouns/zodiac signs/etc.! PART ONE HERE

AN ADVENTURE IN PARAFFIN WAX

“You’re calling this a bad idea? I haven’t even started yet…!”

“You can’t hide behind bad ideas.”

“I’ll take one fuck me up fam and a knife, please.”

“All of my fucking dreams are coming true.”

“I did not anticipate it taking three fucking hours, but here we go.”

“Why don’t you snap me some nudes while we wait?”

“I look like the hamburger helper guy.”

“Imagine the power of this in the wrong hands. Those are my hands.”

“I like my nails like I like my life: a mess.”

“Are you judging me?”

“Considerable bukkake is the new genre of porn.”

“No good idea has ever come from my brain.”

“They will not let you do this at the salon because they clearly don’t like fun.”

“We don’t care about your safety, anyone else’s safety, or the fire code.”

“What, you don’t like fun?”

“I’ve invented a thing…! I’ve invented a thing that’s never existed before…! As far as I know…!”

“Are you impressed or what?”

“This has been bothering me for, like, fifteen years.”

“I invented fucking candle hands, okay?”

MAKING TINY THINGS FOR OUR HAMSTER 2

“Can I trust you with the scissors?”

“I swear to god, we’re gonna go to the hospital by the end of this video.”

“Go wash yourself, you’re nasty, and you need Jesus.”

“Babe, do you know what my astrological sign is?”

“It means that you’re fucking insane.”

“What are you writing on your hand?”

“Don’t write secrets about Joel Osteen on your hand.”

“This is fucking frustrating already.”

“Julien’s doing aries things again…”

“Now we have some time to talk about how you need to stop it.”

“If it comes out shitty, don’t make fun of me, okay?”

“This is fucking impossible.”

“It’s not exactly perfect, but we tried our best.”

“This took so much effort, oh my god.”

“When you’re dating me, do you ever just feel like, what the fuck?”

“I mean, this shit’s ridiculous.”

“I failed, I’m sorry, I’m trying my best.”

“Bitch, where the fuck am I?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re a little ungrateful.”

“Not quite a success, but not quite a failure, so, sounds a lot like my life.”

GIVING MYSELF A PERM

“First of all, I have a wedding to go to this weekend, how can I fuck that up?”

“What can I do that I’ve always wanted to do?”

“I want a perm, but not like a full-blown one.”

“Excuse you, I have a living, breathing online resumé that I think more than qualifies me as a beauty professional.”

“Get fucked.”

“Yeah, this smells like ass.”

“I have a question for you, Julien. Why do you put up with me?”

“I haven’t gone to a professional hair dresser since, what, last December…?”

“I’d like one fuck me up fam.”

“Apparently, this stuff burns your skin and shit.”

“I feel like, if this works, you’re gonna be fuckin’ jealous.”

“I’m in the middle of something…!”

“I feel so disrespected.”

“This is mediocre at best, but we done did it.”

“Hey, that’s kind of dramatic.”

“Did you just spit on the floor…!?”

“Have you ever tried swatting flies with a knife?”

“It’s not time to dick around yet.”

“It’s always time to dick around, okay?”

“I just look like a dirtier version of myself.”

“Is it bad that I kinda like it?”

“This level of damage takes such hard work and dedication.”

“I’m having so much fucking fun right now, are you kidding me?”

“Touch this and tell me what it feels like?”

“For $8, this is an awful lot of fun.”

I SUCK AT PRANKS 3

“We’re just gonna have to freak out and do it.”

“Who, after a long day of hard work, doesn’t love to come home to a surprise prom?”

“He’s gonna be pissed, and it’s gonna make a mess.”

“Wait, who the fuck are you?”

“I hope that he’s too busy and doesn’t notice that I’m gone at all.”

“Is this even fucking worth it?”

“I will do anything to romance prank my boyfriend.”

“I’m a little disappointed, but it’s gonna be alright.”

“What the fuck is that?”

“No, you’re ruining prom…!”

“This bubble machine has more than paid for itself in fun.”

“Oh my god, I don’t know what to do, I’m not almost done.”

“Julien’s gonna be pissed, but that’s okay.”

“This is gonna be a disaster to clean up.”

“I didn’t expect him home this soon — he said 5 PM, and it is not 5 PM. I’m freaking out.”

“I’m not good at pranks or surprises.”

“Will you go to prom with me?”

“What is going on?”

“Am I being pranked?”

“What are you wearing?”

“We’re going to prom…!”

“I have to go, immediately.”

“I got a fog machine that doesn’t work.”

“Be very careful, it’s slippery.”

“Help yourself to some punch — it’s watermelon water and vodka.”

“You scared the shit out of me when I walked in.”

“This was amazing…!”

“Alright, clean this shit up.”

GOOGLE DEEP DIVE WITH ME 2

“I don’t know if I can take any more.”

“I’m literally losing my mind today.”

“That dog looks like it’s wearing dentures.”

“First of all, fuck her.”

“Don’t look at me, look at the road.”

“She’s gonna kill someone.”

“Nobody had a good time in Driver’s Ed.”

“How is that not against the law?”

“We’re having a really hard day.”

“There’s nothing to dislike about this…!”

“I’m invested in the story now.”

“This is my favorite channel on the Internet.”

“Get back here right now.”

“He just shot her…!”

“Dude, this guy’s a fuckin pro…!”

“He’s a legend. He’s an absolute legend.”

MY DOGS EATING PEANUT BUTTER FOR 3 MINUTES STRAIGHT

“Nothing serious is happening, you don’t need to be worried.”

“I’m just feeling not quite like myself today.”

“I thought to myself, what would make me happy today?”

“I love watching dogs — or any animal, really — eating peanut butter.”

“This is what I’m gonna make this week.”

SHAVING MY BOYFRIEND’S FACE

“You’re gonna have to teach me all of this.”

“Are you still gonna love me if I accidentally cut you?”

“Get you a man that loves you even if you cut him.”

“It’s a neck beard, and I don’t want one.”

“This part takes me approximately 30 seconds to do by myself.”

“Can I shave the rest of your body?”

“Can I use this on my legs?”

“That’s perfect, you’re doing really well.”

“Why are you laughing?”

“You bailed out?”

“This is a lot of trust I’m giving you right now.”

“I like when you praise me.”

“I think you look super hot… and a little crazy.”

“I feel so objectified.”

“Baby… you hardly shaved me.”

“I wanted to err on the side of caution.”

“I’m saving myself for marriage.”

“Can I shave your eyebrows?”

“Can I shave your head? Like, with a razor?”

“I’m ignoring you.”

“Are you complimenting yourself?”

“We can’t all be aries, okay? The world would be a fucking tornado and nothing would get done.”

“That is the definition of being nasty.”

“Alright, um, clean all this shit up.”

RECREATING FACE PAINTINGS

“Did I just call myself a lady?”

“This is what a grown woman does in her free time.”

“Just know that I’m putting my life at risk for you.”

“I hate the Internet.”

“This really isn’t off to a great start.”

“Orange isn’t gonna work, it’s too pale, because I am the color of that.”

“This shit is cute as fuck.”

“What about this says blowjob to you?”

“Oh, that’s terrifying…!”

“Do you like it or not…!?”

“There’s a cockroach in there, I’m gonna die.”

“Oh my actual god, that looks horrifying.”

“Are you the art police?”

“I have to go because there’s a cockroach lost in my house somewhere, and we’ve gotta burn it down.”

“It’s time to burn the house down, Julien.”

“I hope that you’re pleased with yourselves.”

PRANK CALLING PEOPLE BUT WE CAN’T HEAR THEM

“I’m not cut out for pranks. I just feel guilty the whole time.”

“I don’t feel bad pranking them - they deserve it.”

“Where are you? I’m looking for you, I can’t find you.”

“I told you to block your number…!”

“I’m super high.”

“You guys wanna get three-way married?”

“Did he just think I was high out of my mind?”

“I got high. I got too high.”

“Wait, is she actually having a breakdown or something?”

“I don’t know what to say!”

“It’s fun calling your friends like this.”

“I couldn’t say the word butthole to save my life.”

“This is just the lowest kind of humor, and sometimes, it’s what’s necessary in the world.”

“Alright, that’s it, that’s what we contributed to the world today.”

TEACHING MY BOYFRIEND HOW TO PITCH A SOFTBALL

“I was a pitcher in college, but, like, not a good one.”

“Look at me right now and tell me you’re not intimidated.”

“Get that off your fuckin head, you damn idiot.”

“This is fun, we’re having fun.”

“Oh my god, are you trying to kill me?”

“That’s good; you’re doing better than I thought you’d do.”

“How actually dare you?”

“Get your sweaty hat off of me.”

“This feels a lot like revenge, and I’m feeling pretty happy about it.”

“Don’t break it; it’s vintage and authentic.”

“You look like my mom and my dad.”

“You found a sport you’re not good at.”

“True life I killed my girlfriend.”

“This is not the sport for me.”

“I’m not gonna give in to your weird, sick fantasies today.”

“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

“Everything hurts, but it’s good.”

“You look like you’re in genuine pain.”

“Who hurt you?”

“Respect me.”

“Now hit the showers.”

“Are you coming, or…?”

“One of us finished their college career.”

“I got hurt.”

“If you don’t fuckin let me down, I swear to god.”

“Pay me for my services…!”

  ‘ I am a blizzard,eh eh, so don’t get in my way. I keep on blowing ‘til there’s nothing left in front of me. You wanna take my crown, but I’m INVINCIBLE. You are a venomous snake, but I’m a warrior.  I stand like a soldier & strike like a tiger. I stand like a soldier & punch like a champion–  people can say what they wanna say. when I’m in the ring, baby, I’m heavy-weight. i’m not gonna run when i hear the call.