Ghosted

Why am I incapable of enjoying unhealthy foods. Not that I dislike it, more like I just inhale it. I did so good all day, then my friend bought me a ben and Jerry's, he guilted me into eating it (I'm not blaming him, btw, I know it's my fault) and insted of having just some of it, I ate the whole tub and then some candy. I haven't eaten candy in so long. Then this friend visits and he's determined to spoil me rotten, says I have some kilos to gain back anyway

I think the best part of posting on tumblr was the shame. I didn't wanna lie about my fasting time or calorie intake. Knowing I'd post about it kept me in check. The shame of telling anyone who stumbled upon my post about my failings was enough. And the pride I felt from sharing my accomplishments and the interactions with the community. It was even more motivation than the numbers themselves, and I love those numbers

The last few days, I've been so hungry at night, like I've wanted to eat everything in my kitchen, especially the unhealthy stuff. And I can't throw it all away either because I'm temporarily living with my mom

When I look in the mirror, I don't see a fat person. But I think I'm wrong, I think that what I'm seeing isn't actually correct, and everyone else sees me as a fat pig. I can see that I'm skinny, but I just know I'm fat

I was supposed to use this blog unfiltered, but I'm terrified that any of my friends will find it and recognize enough to realize it's my account. They can't know just how disordered my thinking is

I had a nightmare about my weight going up significantly. And now I'm scared of weighing myself