some lines from Solitaire that just hit too close to home
“Tori,” says Becky, “you look a little bit like you want to kill yourself.”
I deflate into a chair and nod philosophically. “It’s funny because it’s true.”
My name is Victoria Spring. I think you should know that I make up a lot of stuff in my head and then get sad about it. I like to sleep and I like to blog. I am going to die someday.
Sometimes I hate people. This is probably very bad for my mental health.
personally, thinking or talking too much about “boy issues” makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
I am a vacuum. I am void. I am nothing.
THE FIRST THING I do when I get home from school is collapse onto my bed and turn on my laptop. This happens every single day. If I’m not at school, you can guarantee that my laptop will be somewhere within a two-meter radius of my heart. My laptop is my soul mate.
(charlie to tori): “You like to act as if you care about nothing, and if you carry on like that, then you’re going to drown in the abyss you have imagined for yourself.”
I instantly wish I’d just shut up. I always do this thing where I
accidentally say self-deprecating stuff that makes other people feel really
awkward, especially when it’s true.
I really don’t do anything unless I actually want to do it. And most of the time I don’t want to do anything at all
One day I’m going to forget how to wake up.
Smoking is so pointless. The only reason I can think of for smoking is if you want to die. I don’t know. Maybe they all want to die.
When you watch a film, you’re sort of an outsider looking in. With a book—you’re right there. You are inside. You are the main character.
You think you’ve met bad people, and then you meet people who are worse.
I don’t want people to be worried about me. There’s nothing to worry about. I don’t want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that. And I don’t understand yet. I don’t want people to interfere. I don’t want people in my head, picking out this and that, permanently picking up the broken pieces of me.
We’re so used to disaster that we accept it. We think we deserve it.
Nobody is honest; nobody is real. You can’t trust anyone or anything. Emotions are humanity’s fatal disease. And we’re all dying.
I haven’t ever known what I wanted out of life. Until now. I sort of want to be dead.
Tori's pov really is something.
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