for me finding out i was aroace was so wild to say the least because there was practically nothing on the subject online and i couldn’t understand what to look up or even words for what i was experiencing.
society didnt give me the tools i needed to figure myself out—in contrast, they were trying to repress it by centering love as the pinnacle of what being human means. i didnt know the distinction between different types of attraction or that identifying as aro or ace or both is a spectrum. mostly i didnt know if or where i fit in it.
but it was never about me “fitting” somewhere—it was about finding what fits me so i could have the language to know who i am. thats why the aro/ace community is so important.
it gave me the means to express myself and the knowledge that there ARE more people like me; im not defective or “weird”. it also helped me realize that not all aros and/or aces are the same and that i get to decide how intimacy & affection looks like for me. which is in part why its so cool.
like i read about romance/sex my whole life and even “wanted” it at one point so i was convinced i couldnt be aromantic and asexual.
but i only really desired to be the same as everyone else bc diverging from what society expects is honestly really scary and isolating. i feared not being “human”, bc if i “lacked” the key principle to “humanness”, how could i affirm i was? it “othered” me. it became about survival.
but wanting to want the same thing as others to feel a sense of belonging and humanity is not synonymous to actually wanting the thing itself.
and wanting to be human? i already am. and i am capable of figuring out what being “human” is for me anyway. it might vary from the majority, or even everyone, and thats okay. it requires no justification to anyone. whats most important is that i am the one who gets to dictate that for myself.
i know now that community is about understanding not uniformity, and identity is about being and using, to be able to be—if that makes sense—not something to conform to.
& most importantly, everyone on the spectrum experiences their identity in dissimilar ways, like there is NO blueprint.
some people define closeness verbally, some physically, etc, and it doesnt if at all have to equate to romance or be sexual in nature. hell it doesnt even have to be platonic.
what are relationships to you?
what is closeness to you?
what is the lack thereof?
how do you and do you want connection?? how does it look like for you?
which desires come from you and which desires come from whats expected of you?
what is human to you and do you even have a desire to describe it or lean into it?
who are YOU and what do YOU want????
kianamaiart
germansingergirl
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
vaporwave
