& I’ll Be Dammed

good banter

to wake up to the smell of fresh coffee

to dance with you in the kitchen before we go on a morning stroll

to have you move my hair behind my ear before you bring me in for a kiss

To make out until we both have to catch our breath

to pick out books together

let’s read them out loud to each other

to share our ideas about the world and the future

to move powerfully not always silently

to have our own lives and bring them together

we already grow I want us to flourish

in the presence of each other and even alone

to go out by the lake and paint the view

to wrestle on the nights either one of us feels blue

to make love like our lives depend on it

to inevitably breaking things together and learning how to fix them, together

I want to watch you play video games while I play too

I want to lounge on a hammock with our fur babies

I want us to both say I do

I want to spend countless nights by the fire

I want to make s’mores with you

I want to be devoured

I want us to live every day like nothing could ever stop us

I want us to fall in love with each other again every time our eyes touch

I want you to take me to the movies and take me out on dates

I want us to show each other off

I want to know that we both appreciate

The longing love we have for each other

That spans beyond time

I want everyone to know that baby you are mine

I want to scream from the mountains, after a nice long hike

A look in your eyes

We want the same thing

A bath

A lush bomb

That sounds divine

We soak

Human soup

I’m yapping

All of my love coming out

Word vomit

Silence condemns me

The reality of what I’ve spoken

Something has ignited

I ponder at just how much I can say before fear consumes you

Not that that is a valid reaction

Just what I’m used to

Truth is I am a fool

For this is nothing but a game of chicken for you

I am dared to permanence my place

Blindsided by that shot you took

Shocked

I can’t verbally concede

I nod my head in agreeance

I can

I will

Ivory

Rich

Sweet and smelling of fruit

With the slightest hint of something feral

Musky

Slightly sour

My tones grow richer in your presence

The contrast of your skin against mine

Tones that contrast beautifully together

Hues that’d make anyone weep

I’ll paint us

Imagine all the colors

Nude

In direct sunlight

A mosaic of love

A portrait of bliss

With you everything tastes like sunlight

I want to share us, I want them to taste this

Feel everything

The momentum and magnitude of love

The capacity of what this truly is

Everyone deserves a taste of happiness

So I will paint us

So they can have a taste of this

It happened again

Hit me with the frying pan while I wasn’t looking

Fell hard, went right through the door

Where I’ve landed

This is what I call home

My things exploded

All over the house

There is no exit

It’s a wrap

I’m here to be spoused

I push myself to do better

So much I run my own circuit short

You remind me better can be slower

I’m not here to be anyone’s race horse

I can’t fathom a timeline I’m in where you’re not around

Waiting to be my savior

But a savior you have found

I’m a wolf in sheep’s wool

You’re herding me in the farms direction

No sheep will ever know

Feel great bc of course it was silent

& there’s no smell so now you’re feeling great, you’re in the clear

then a few HOURS later go to the bathroom only to realize while pulling down your pants

holy shit

you sharted

HOW DID YOU NOT REALIZE YOU SHARTED

earlier that day

Mother Nature announced herself in quite a similar fashion

How dare my body deceive me like this

AND TWICE

You get 10 bonus points for wearing a pad

-25 points for it somehow falling BEHIND IT

-50 points for it seeping through your jeans

-50 points : Double whammy bc you already seeped blood through the jeans earlier

Congratulations

You’ve fucking shat your pants

It is I

Today

I shat my pants

Someone needs to make sure this gets put on the manual

Adults shit themselves more than you think

Fuck

It has to do with that person’s self worth and inability to know their wants or communicate their needs

You can be everything

And still be treated like nothing by some imbecile too busy chasing an adrenaline rush to know exactly what they have when they have it

So we let go

We focus on our wants and needs

Our happiness

And one day while you’re minding your own business

Someone crosses your path that knows they’ve been looking for you all along

And you’re in sync

All of a sudden all of the past things you went through in relationships seem silly and dumb

You’re awake

They were blind to your light and that isn’t a bad thing

You don’t deserve anyone that takes from your shine

You deserve someone who makes it glow brighter

And that’s how you know

That’s the feeling

It’s having the same conversations you’ve tried in the past with others and realizing how silly it feels

I’m giggling because we just got through this so swiftly and smoothly while both being able to share our feelings and express our emotions without any stress

We aren’t scared to lose each other by being fully transparent in any situation

A person who you don’t hide any parts of yourself from because you know

You just know

They will be there for you just as you’ll be there for them

From the moment you met

Until we sleep forever

The Earth is tilting off its axis

Things are flooding and freezing

Debris and bodies keep falling out of the sky

It’s terrifying

Knowing we’re all going to die

I want the comfort of my babies

I want to be surrounded by loved ones

Even if we’re scared and confused

We’ll die doing everything we can to protect the ones we love

The escape plan isn’t to go to your mothers

The escape plan isn’t to escape at all

When you can feel the tilt in the axis

When you get vertigo but it’s not vertigo at all

Sometimes losing breath

Asphyxiating

Desperately trying to breathe

You open your mouth

One of your teeth falls out

And you can’t even gather up a scream

I’m hysterical

Crying

Where are my loved ones

Why is everyone dying

They never make it home

Our fur babies are nowhere to be found

I can’t tell if they didn’t make it

Or just didn’t want to be found

We drove past floods

We made it through the lagoon

We were alone

Strangers I didn’t know

I was afraid

The world was ending

But at the very least

We had each other

Doesn’t matter tho

Nefarious

A big Fuck You

I’m my own country

I choose what I can do

Dignified

Abominated

Petrifying

Oh man are they weary

Riot

Then recluse

If they can’t find you, you can’t be used

Scoff

Shake your heads

Find an enemy

Cut off her head

Chameleon

Shapeshift

And Infiltrate

That’s what they do

When they find a victim

They alienate

Dramatic

Chaotic

A need for envy

It’s almost demonic

Grabbed a noose

Tied it around my neck

Nobody will want her

If she’s dead

Dirt

In the ground

I’m deceased

I’ll haunt you all

It’ll be my vengeful feast

Night terrors

I’m scheming

The Freddy Krueger to your silly daydreaming

A chair

Real thick threads

Braid your own noose

Or buy one instead

Brain melting

You’re swelting

Ostracized and feeling astray

You wonder if this is really what it’s like when you’re actually dead

In motion

Corrosion

Society doesn’t want you

If you can’t “function”

Unstable in every way

Will it be worth it

Will things go your way

Life meaningless

World empty

No medication will heal you

From the trauma you’ve inflicted and the drama you created

It’s funny how karma deals you

When you’ll do anything for your envy

But you’re not prepared to blind anyone who stares too long

You also want to be like the moon

But you’re scared of the tides you’d create in day or nightlight

You see to become the sun, you’ll unfortunately burn some who don’t understand your power

And to become the moon, you may drown some

If you’re not prepared for the bad these powerful things bring

How could you ever indulge in the good

My entire life I’ve dedicated to being better than I was before

My aura shines so bright, many of them want more

Or less, to diminish me, they try, what a test

But I only grow bolder and brighter

More powerful, don’t even notice them

They’re sour

But is it the responsibility of something so big and so bright to coddle you

Because as far as I know even in ancient times, they were only meant to serve as a guide to you

But people don’t want just a guide

They want to own, claim, prioritize every little thing they think will bring them closer to fame

But is fame anything to really accomplish in the grand scheme of things

When we mostly remember the bad, not the good in things

So many heroes we have to thank for things today, but instead we study those who did wrong or bad

A new claim to fame

We aren’t focused on the conscientious effort to make the world a better place

We’re focused on our own efforts, thinking somehow that will make the world a better place

There is no community like we’ve known to see before

Everything has turned cultist, leaving those lost with hope not wanting community anymore

It’s a sad cruel thing of a world we live in

Wanting to be powerful and bright yet not giving anyone that same light

Keeping that energy for yourself

A narcissistic community

And I wonder

Through all the chaos and neglect

The disrespect

The anger

The neediness

Too much I must confess

But it doesn’t matter the way it once did

Powerful in my own lane

Instincts, knowing things in my gut

There’s not a vibe I can’t pick up on

That my aura won’t penetrate

Used to thinking it was a lot

Overdramatic, exaggerative, and annoying as past friends may say

But it’s all passion, loyalty, respect

That’s why with real ones I never run

Nobody goes astray

I’ve had people in my life for longer than most get to

Friendships that have surpassed all the evolutions from elementary school well into adulthood

We have all changed and morphed and grown into our own much different people

Yet we are understanding, full of love and warmth

Not a single one of them claiming something they don’t believe in

Not a single one of them turning their backs over a confrontation, because we love each other

We get through it all through conversation, acceptance, and understanding

It’s a shame there’s so many not built like this

It’s a shame I trusted so much

But I am so happy to know where I stand and what I believe in

To be grounded with the people I love

Who’ve truly been there through it all

Who put boundaries down when I needed it

Who didn’t reject me once I figured out my own

To have bonds stronger with people who chose me and I got to choose back

Than with my own bloodline

To know that growing up I always wanted my own family

One full of childhood friends and adult friends where we all coexist and get each other without quarrels

It’s a beautiful thing

I get in my feelings about people I feel I’ve lost

But the truth is I’ve never lost anyone

They’ve lost me

Because I get to create these beautiful things I’ve always dreamed of

I get to live the life I’ve literally always wanted

And they don’t get to be here for that

Because we weren’t in alignment and they lied and tried to be anyways

It’s bittersweet

It’s beautiful

I’m fully aware of my love

And I’m not letting anyone try to step in and drag me by my feet

You get the full unleash

You either make it through

Or you’ll step deep in your own shit

Selfcombust

And be left in dead air

Something about my intuition

Everything about my gut

To be so right

In bright daylight

Hope you survive

Nothing concrete as far as diagrams

Just the words typed in my notes

The ideas I have in my head

Things like

The perfect backyard getaway

Wrapped around porch

With a massive catio that gives the cats their own door inside

Firepit for long nights, cold nights, and everything in between

I want my loved ones around making marshmallows

Sharing chisme around the fire ring

A working shed for all the crazy diy projects that are bound to come

And just plants the rest of the way

Some herbs, fruits, and vegetables to keep us nourished

Make it a cute landscape and incorporate a hot tub within it, a zen space

I want the chickens

And I’ll live the farm life

But this is my starting point

We can always maximize

A kitchen we cook with love in

No matter the epic fail it’s never once disheartening

We’re learning, we’re expanding

Baking breads that may fall flat

Or burn to a crisp

Doesn’t matter

With you everything is a lesson

I refuse to miss

I want our living space to be super cozy

Viewing furniture by the window

I want to feel the sun in the day

Even if we’re just laying around watching tv

I want there to be cat furniture as much as human furniture

I always want fur babies to know they’re at home

Plus how cute would they look

On they own little couch

Bookshelves filled with books all around

When people come over

Our book collection should be astounding

Idk just some thoughts in my head

Shiny, glittery, bright

In my already vibrant hair

Don’t want to be perceived

But I must put on a show

Because no matter what people will perceive you

And I am a mystery

No one is meant to really know

But you get close and start pulling away

The layers I throw on

To keep them all astray

You’re gentle and kind

Patient with every pull

You love onions

No surprise

Makes sense why you like to peel me

To you im the perfect onion

No wonder you drool

Over me as much as I do over you

Except to me you’re not an onion

More like a raw egg

Hard shell all around

But on the inside you’re all gooey

I want to toss you on the frying pan and eat you with some bread

Ooo

Into this rabbit hole I have found

Unusual

I know how it seems

But I’m a VIP here

There’s no need for running

Sit down with me

Let’s drink to our health

Grow bigger than ever before

Oh shit that wasn’t juice that was a potion

I didn’t mean let’s physically grow

But now the show must go on

Talk to the rabbit

Find me more juice

I want to be smaller

Don’t perceive me

To my original

Fucking