I'm just a bent paper clip.

Mau made me ugly cry on the way home from Tulsa yesterday. 😭😭 I miss that angel baby so freaking much. 😩

Knowing Fred will be home with his family all summer is so good for my soul. But knowing he'll be back here in less than three months is even better for my soul. I can't wait to see what fun he has and the real smiles show back up on his face. I know he's had a hard semester, and I'm so glad he gets to recover from it with everyone he loves at home. We're sure gonna miss our boy, though.

Tonight, Fred let me hold him and hug him until I was ready to let him go, and I hope I never forget the way that felt.... just my sweet angel baby knowing that his American mama is really struggling with telling him goodbye in just a couple days...

Today, I asked Fred if he would give his mom a mother's day card for me when he gets home next weekend. He said he would. I told him he'd have to translate it for her. And he said "oooooor.... you could try [to write it in Portuguese]." But I can't even find the words to say thank you enough in English. I don't know how in the world I'll be able to do it in another language! But I'll do my best. And consult Google if I need a little help. Haha.

Every time I see that picture of my family with Fred's, I want to cry. I'm still so grateful that I got to hug that man and thank him for sharing his sweet boy with us. It was just the best day.

But today.... today, I'm grateful to have spent the day with three Tigers who I love dearly.

How are we so lucky that we have this beautiful human being in our lives? That even though he'll go home to Brazil someday, he'll always be ours. That my children will have him to lean on or rejoice with for the rest of their lives. He's already so very much ours, and we all love him so much. 😭

Family has always been really complicated for me. My dad was adopted at birth and had a relationship with his biological mother in my childhood. He didn't know who his biological dad was until I was in my 20s. His dad died when I was two, but his mom was a huge part of my life until a couple years ago. My mom's parents were divorced and both remarried. My parents split up when I was seven-ish. Then, my mom got sick and we lived with her best friend and her family for a while. They became our family. My dad remarried, and I gained another family. It was always just a lot. And within the last couple years, I've basically kept myself and my family separated from my dad and my brother for our own emotional wellbeing. Instead, we've surrounded ourselves with our chosen family. The newest member of that family has made the biggest impact on our lives, and I'm grateful for him every single day. Today, we met his dad, and it was so incredibly wonderful. Just for my actual family to turn around and ruin the high I rode all day. And this is why I have basically nothing to do with any of my blood family...

These trinkets - two keychains and magnets - mean more to me than the Tigers that gave them to me will ever know. And they made me real emotional tonight.

It feels like a million years since Leigha spotted this curly haired Brazilian on the sidelines of the soccer field. A million years since she picked a flower and sat it on his shoulder before running away without saying a word. A million years since I was forced out of my comfort zone to introduce myself and the kids to him. A million years since he became ours. It's truly amazing how quickly we've all grown to love him so deeply.

I've struggled so much with just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year, and I think a huge piece of my heart being in Brazil with his loved ones is a big part of it. We're all much happier with our guy by our sides, and it's been a long week and a half without him... almost three more weeks until he comes "home," and I don't know how any of us are going to survive that long without him. 😭😭

It's just so wholesome to see our kids develop these sweet relationships with their Tigers. It's been wonderful getting to cheer for them and then watch them turn around and cheer for my kids. I just can hardly handle it. My heart is so full! 🥹🥹

I've been trying to make this post on instagram for days, but I just can't.... Monday morning, I woke up to a message from my dad that said his best friend's youngest son had died. The sweet boy who I watched grow in his mom's belly and then earth side. The giggling toddler whose family we took vacations with. The smiling teenager whose graduation announcement hung proudly on my fridge. The young father and husband who I hadn't gotten to see in this season of life... and now I'll never get a chance to... my heart aches for his parents and siblings. My heart aches for his wife, baby, and baby to be. My heart aches for me and my family. My heart just aches....

I had a bunch of my Facebook friends come at me the other day when I'd posted about Walmart cancelling my order for suspicious activity (🤦‍♀️) and wishing I had somewhere else to shop. They all said "Dillon's." To which I replied that Dillon's was way more expensive and we couldn't afford to switch. They all disagreed. We do buy some stuff from Dillon's, but the majority of it comes from Walmart. So, today, I did the math. I put exactly the same things in my Dillon's and Walmart carts (the Dillon's cart has ten extra items, because they only sell Pepsi in six packs and Walmart sells it in twelve packs). Walmart came out at sooooo much less. Proving my point. But I didn't want to post this on Facebook and sound petty, even though I am. 😂