She's going the distance

um, my childhood friend found my instagram… she wants to catch up when she comes to visit… yeah…

oh pizza rolls royce we’re really in it now

the next time someone says "i promise-" im going to do a 360 flying spin kick nononononono no more promises please

if i really tried im sure i could do it. my sister used to push my head underwater and drown me but its been a long time, maybe i need someone to hold me down so i dont chicken out

oh he asked me to be his girlfriend. i said "how is that any different from now?" because i thought i already was, basically

Aahh shit please don’t leave your wife for me

shoutout to this guy randomly namedoxing holly

mom: “did you talk to anyone?” the pool is not a place to socialize. it is where a champion trains herself to hold her breath for more than 20 seconds

making new friends in florida

meanwhile the kingly and righteous Micro Center doesn’t even ask for a receipt before resetting a $2k laptop