Love/strife

I find you have grown on me, gazing upon your beauty seems to delight me with a sense of hope.

Everyday I search for you even when your dormant and the night takes over, I still look.

I always hope to see you day after day. I’d love to just lay with you all night caressed by your luminous smile.

Dawn falls as you fade away, almost invisible to the naked eye.

I still look for you. Your still there just blended in the all blue.

It suits you💙

Over the years your vestige had began to fade like the flowers I use to write about

I thought maybe I could keep going and you would come back and spark anew.

I can see now that is not the case and you have Ceased because there is “nothing new under the sun”

Well I have news for you.

After this depleted ball of fire that you sooo desired to fly to. You indeed understood that “there is nothing new under the sun”. You were scarred and horrified by this realization that the only escape was delusion.

Because the attention from the Sun was not meant for you. Those burning glares and pitfalls in your stomach were signs that you will always burn if you get too close.

Trying to understand, and not be understood.

I’ll throw myself to the wild chaotic winds of autumn

I leave lust in control of my compass, to guide my hands over her moonlit body

To have her bewitch me with words spiralling, beating into my left ear drum

Eyes strucken with horrid

The truth was unveiled upon his lips

My heart beating

“I can be seen”

It was just a glint of what it could be.

He looked at me with such a horrid expression, confused at why I wanted this

The knife against my heart, his words to rattle my brain.

Why I wanted to be depraved by the one I love the most

I want to feel the scorching heat as my wings burn

The wind between my fingers

I’ve pulled out all your strings looking for more, I’m sure there is more than “I love you”

I’ve searched all around your skin looking for more strings, you’ve hid them well(?)

Looking for more strings makes me bite my fingernails til red and white stripes appear

It’s just attached by a thread

Myth has it if you pull a thread from someone back you unravel there desires

The universe hides no secret

But you do. Can I pull this string.

I sit in this cornered off space from the world

Attached to nothing corporal

My string of thoughts are flung into a lacuna; tangling and wrapping around each other to knots

Looping through and twisting to each bend that transpires

Floating aimlessly, filling up a once vacant space

Thorns of difficult goodbyes

I say “hi” trying to impress the façades of socializing

I do feel I’m on the right path of how I go about things.

This last rose doesn’t feel the same

Only because I know their wont be a next

I am okay without another I will be able to make my own roses now

To stretch this flesh is a sin

To tear her down and take her apart bit for bit is a feast.

I cant guarantee you that your rot has not spread to her

Layed out on white table cloth with an apple in her mouth

She’s picked apart tendon by tendon, nerve to nerve.

Stomach, thighs, breast, all gone to gluttony.

Shows over, lights off, curtains closed.

All that is left is her beautiful face, and unique mind.

I had always thought that connected us.

I’ve known you since a little kid, but now your all grown and older than me

I admire your eyes and your huskiness, being so soft even the cool winter breeze couldn’t penetrate your heart

I would have been a shit parent trying to feed you candy and giving you all the treats instead of actual food

But I was a kid and you didnt mind. You were just happy to be there, happy to eat

My favorite part about you was your purple tongue with a pink spot that faded with age

I had a sense you’d make a great dad. My family thought you and Marley Mae would tie the knot 🪢

But after a while I realized as humans; dogs have preferences too. 

This made me love you even more 

I use to think heaven wouldn’t be heaven without you there, right beside me as we walk in the gates

I’d hope to sink into your fur like when I was a kid.

I thought if maybe I could just get over it, my life would be so much better. I could get up and go on without a single burden in mind

I could read, write, and even ride bikes without feeling the hands of guilt comfort me.

But now that I’m done reminiscing I’m bored.

There is not a focal point of when I feel alive anymore

Hello! I’ve missed you, your poetry you use to write to the moon.

And how she listened.

All the soul searching I’ve did, I still haven’t found a single trace of you.

The way you smeared your ink onto the canvas.

Painting sad faces were always your motto

I think of you now and feel you are not the sad little boy you use to be

Somehow more evolved but a shimmering faint outline of what he became

I’m impressed he has he let go of the sadness that wraps around his heart

Staring into the universe looking for another one of you

My time will come to an end

I’ve paid my weight in flower Petels

Stop casting yours ivy eyes onto me with that look

My lungs swollen with poisoned “I love you”(s)

Vital to the development of Chrysanthemum unapologetically covered in red ink

My coughs are getting harsher as the winter approaches.

I’ll be dead by the spring.

Where art thou heart?

“Cometh from the depths of the red sea”

I cometh from thou darkness within

I cast unto you, a curse of being petrified from free will

“Free to do as you please, free to do as you will”

I am no longer bound by the rose vines that kept me naive to such hypocrisy

Nuclear fission

Your kisses are refreshing

Stealing my breathe always

I cant help but to sink into you

How do you have such a strong hold on me?

An invisible thread has binded me to you