Simplicity Is A Virtue I Do Not Possess

“Why did the bright queen believe essek so easily how did he get away with so much shit before he was caught?” Buddy you would not believe what you can get away with if you’re Quiet and Get Good Grades

Day 180 since Craig moved in. he clearly thinks he’s dating one of us but we can’t figure out who. it’s possible one of us is lying about it for some reason but so far our efforts at inquisition has led nowhere. we would kick him out but he’s been doing the dishes for us. we’ve decided that for the sanity of the polycule we’ll keep up the charade. if all of us continue to be flirty with him, he’ll project his attraction onto whoever the hell he thinks is into him. this house of cards is delicate but necessary

It got funnier

This is how cats domesticated themselves

i truly fundamentally believe john gaius is like the platonic ideal of an ocd diagnosis

he's obsessed with contamination. "emptys just another word for clean." moral cleanliness. doing the Right Thing. Fixing the Problem. he has to be in control because he has to fix it. he fucked it up. he fucked everything up. he's responsible and no one else is. he resurrects his friends. has the same conversations over millennia. can he fix it this time? maybe he just didnt tell them the right things. he has to say the right things. they can't hate him. things can't be open ended like that. either they understand him or theyre dead. he has to solve it. he fucked it up. he has to start over. emptys just another word for clean. lets put this first-draft dream of mine to bed. he has to do it right. he'll do it right someday. if he just does the right thing this time. if he's just in control. it's his responsibility. he's in control. he has to be in control.

This is an objectively funny crime and the jury mostly agreed. Acquitted of all 7 felonies!

your world is dying. your husband presumably dies in space so now you're a widow and your world is still dying. then 50-ish years later your husband everyone assumed was dead pulls up in a random spaceship full of a highly volatile atmosphere with the solution to your impending apocalypse and none of the original crew from his mission and instead with a wet, blobby alien that he pack bonded with and almost died for and is now emotionally codependent on that now wont stop complaining about the temperature of the water in its enclosure. your name is adrian and you dont know how you got here

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

Lego Gideon the Ninth. the overwhelmingly emotional bone dome scene at the end would be just gut wrenching. and then Lego Gideon lands on a lego fence spike and breaks into bricks. with the lil noise and all.