april 😕🏳️‍⚧️👍

i can't tell if this is a skill issue or maybe a taste issue due to being early in transition or whatever but

for years i've been doing the "best XYZ + reddit" google search thing to find products that aren't complete slop but I feel like in doing so i've realized that the general audience of reddit really has an impact on these recommendations

1. Pokemon merch. 90% of it is genuinely the same 15 dudes on it and its some dumbass slogan like jigglypuff with a gun or charizard with a poke ball with some either millennial ass joke or stupid weeb reference that doesn’t even make sense

2. Pride merch. Honestly ass for the same reason as the pokemon merch. 90% of it is maximalist millennial humour or weeb references and it’s always like “I’m GAY and LOVE COFFEE and hate STRAIGHT people” like it’s just tryhard and not something I’d want to be caught dead in

started as an articling law student this week

im so sleepy and tired all the timeee what happened

this sounds insane to say but i'm actually having a blast, it's genuinely really fun. i can see how what i'm doing could be really stressful but also i'm kinda vibing out and just eager to soak in the experience

actually you should NEVER get married and NEVER go to court ever because the cost of working through even a basic dispute between parties is absolutely bonkers, these are numbers that boggled my mind when i saw them.

as a lawyer you literally NEED aura btw. my principal lawyers lowkey have mad aura. it's literally just being willing to stand on business and being unlikeable. but you HAVE to stand on business bc as it turns out ppl are out here trying actively to snake you at every opportunity. also none of the lawyers even give a fuck once the case is over

i live in a bubble, and most of my friends live in a bubble as well, the "average person" is literally nothing like myself or most of my friends. like i always knew i lived in a bubble but i didn't realize how much of a bubble it perhaps was. obviously skewed based on the kind of ppl who would come to see a lawyer during a heated family law dispute but still.

they are not joking about like 95%+ of cases not reaching trial. if your case reaches trial then there is genuine pure actual undiluted hatred and vitriol in there somewhere. like u gotta have genuine actual vitriol in order to let a case drag on long enough to get to court.

I’ve been consuming more content that is “woman coded” as of late (like makeup tutorials/outfit inspiration/skincare stuff) which for a burgeoning trans person is extremely useful

But also there’s something to be said for the fact that watching and engaging with this type of content is essentially just shotgunning lethal doses of concentrated dysphoria over and over again, especially at the stage of transitioning that I’m at

I'm quickly approaching my late 20s now and I have not once ever actually dated someone outside of some online larp I did during the high fever of the covid pandemic. it normally doesn't bother me that much because as it turns out being trans takes up a lot of time and energy and going to law school while being trans takes up even more time and energy.

but also sometimes I'm made aware of how actually Insane wider society is about the concepts of dating and marriage and romance. like there are actual human beings out there who genuinely think less of ppl who haven't dated before or don't make romance a priority. it's like a relatively common opinion as well. it loops back into insecurities about the idea of being "too old to date" and perhaps the fact that I haven't managed to learn certain "necessary" concepts about dating and romance at my late age as a result, which makes me unwanted as a result.

like I think I can stomach the idea of dating while being trans (even though it sucks). I can make it through t3rf propaganda about how trans ppl are fundamentally unlovable or whatever. but sometimes I definitely feel insane when I hear ppl talk about how "if you're in your mid-20s and you haven't dated before, it's because of YOUR fundamental character flaws." or the sister idea of "if you haven't had [xyz dating experience] by [xyz arbitrary age], you will NEVER find love because you will be too far behind your peers to catch up realistically." like logically I know this stuff isn't true but like, if you hear it repeated in the popular public conscience often enough it starts to feel true at a certain point.