Alan

This time last year I looked like an entire different person oh my God who is that

4TH OF JULY 😁😁🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 I love being American hooooly shit

Having your favorite Avenger be Bruce Banner SUCKS because nobody gaf about him it’s always Hulk Hulk Hulk like guys he’s multifaceted😢😢

What do you mean my siblings just casually asked my dad if they could smoke pre-rolls and MY DAD SAID YES??? Theyre 15!!!!! And all the friends they have over are 15 too like theyre gonna become so retarded I hate potheads

Adam Sandler officiated Taylor Swift’s wedding God I wish I were rich so I could have stuff like that happen to me

People who are against fireworks are the worst like how miserable do you have to be to see something so fun and awesome as a firework and go “bbbbut my dog!! The environment 🥺🥺!!” GET OVER IT

We should have a tea party

Sometimes I want to download a dating app but I feel like I’d be humiliated and have tomatoes thrown at me

More than 10 people in my pool rn playing Marco Polo and I’m not invited I feel like Squidward looking out his window watching Patrick and SpongeBob play

I got McDonald’s so my life is okay again fuck was I even goin crazy for we got fries

My dad and two of my siblings went to the shore today with their friends while I sat home babysitting my youngest sister. I dunno I feel sort of stupid being reduced to the replacement mother around here it’s tiring and makes my head hurt

I DIDNT BUTTER MY PAN FUCK

I need to bake a cake about this

I’m levels of irritated I didn’t even know I could reach RN holy shit

Mngghhh Captain America rivals summer skin…I NEED dat oh my God America’s ass