Boy's Not Gray

He’d wished for moments like these. Like everything that had happened that morning. There they were, completely enamored with one another and in a way Isaac hadn’t quite understood but savored and needed. The way Apollo was treating him, speaking to him, it was more than he could have ever dreamed for. The care he took in dressing him did something to Isaac. His chest swelled and that little four letter word was begging to be uttered but Isaac simply let the moment be. His teeth digging in against his lower lip hearing Apollo tell him he was beautiful. He’d never understand just how truly touching that was. How badly it needed to be heard. “So are ya.” He spoke back, wanting Apollo to feel as good as he had. His fingers lightly danced against the back of the other’s neck as they kissed. Isaac lingering against his lips as he’d asked his next question. 

“O’ course I will.” He spoke, pressing another kiss to the other before he’d pulled away from him. Being out of those arms stung. Though it’d be quick it was frightening and enlightening just how much Isaac had come to depend on the man standing just a few feet from him. His hands followed the same path over his clothing as Apollo had done in selecting his shirt. There was one he’d thought would look amazing on that man. That olive skin needed something soft to let it shine. The shirt was damn near jumping off the hanger by the time he’d picked it up. The cotton settled against his fingers and he knew he’d have to do away with the pattern but the color was perfect. 

Isaac sauntered back over towards his boyfriend and swung the shirt over his shoulder before he’d taken to stripping down the other. The shirt came off first. The scent of Apollo enveloping his every sense and he had to focus himself on the task at hand. “Jus’ need ta ge’ rid o’ these.” He smiled, his fingers making light work of the button and zipper. The pants were down and around his ankles before either of them knew it. Everything felt so delayed in Isaac’s head but he knew he was okay. If Apollo was with him he’d be more than okay. One kiss pressed above the Lion’s navel and then another in center of his chest and then the softest spot on his neck. “Tha’s better.”

Isaac tugged the material up one arm and then the other. He left the shirt hang open just a moment, admiring the way the fabric of his shirt hugged at his boyfriend’s body. A wiggle of his fingers and the gold embellishments disappeared and the fabric stretched itself to the correct size of Apollo’s arms and chest. He’d never get over just how filled out this man was and he didn’t mind that sometimes his shirts didn’t fit the same after he’d borrowed them but knowing Apollo had been in it, his scent still on it made up for a lot more than just having to buy another shirt. That sly smile hung on his lips as he moved in closer, buttoning the shirt from the bottom to the second to last top. Those beautiful green pools were looking back into his own and Isaac swore he felt faint for just a moment. This feeling that was coursing through him and seemingly through the pair was overpowering in the best ways possible. If this was what he had to look forward to for the rest of his life then the Slytherin was all in. He was all in anyway but this was just the sugar coating top.

“I’s sinful how good ya loo’ even i’ my clothes.” Isaac leaned in and pressed a soft kiss the corner of his Lion’s mouth. The kiss was short lived as he turned back towards the same drawer Apollo had pulled his pants from. He thumbed through quickly until he’d found a faded grey pair that would match perfectly. One leg in and then the other. Isaac stood once again and leaned forward into Apollo. His breath was soft on the other’s brow and his lips kissed softly on each of his eye brows as he managed to get the button pulled over and the zipper tugged tight. Isaac pulled back with a smile on his face and he let himself just admire Apollo as he tucked in the end of the shirt all the way around his waist. “I thin’ I’ve go’ quite a loo’er o’ my han’s. Whatcha say ‘bou’ tha’?” Isaac admired how good Apollo looked and sighed softly to himself. 

The Slytherin ran his fingers through his ringlet curls and stretched outward. Small pops running along his back as he exhaled and pressed himself back against Apollo’s frame. Isaac’s fingers lightly drug back and forth along the back of his love’s neck and he nuzzled their noses together. “Where were ya wan’in’ ta go?” He whispered, squeezing lightly on the back of his neck as he nuzzled into the other. Apollo usually didn’t let this go on so long but Isaac was bound and determined to eat up every second of it while he still had the chance. He knew once they left this room he’d have to behave himself. And he would. A little less than he normally would have but he was allowed. He was giving himself permission to have that. After all, how was one supposed to act when it felt like everything they’d been wishing for was finally at the finger tips. “An’ I was serious ‘bou’ the food. ‘m still starvin’.” He breathed out with a small chuckle. Isaac finally pressing a soft kiss against the other’s lips before he pulled away to look at him.

Whatever was going on, Isaac didn’t want it to stop. The way Apollo had been looking at him ever since last night. Even when he was less that palatable just a short while ago. Looking at this man this morning was more than he could have asked for. And perhaps he was getting ahead of himself but it all felt so good. Inhumanly good but he wasn’t going to leave go of it until he absolutely had to. Not to mention the extra attention was incredibly welcomed. “Le’s ge’ goin’ so I ca’ ge’ ya back he’e an’ all ta myself again.” He teased, letting his hand come from Apollo’s back onto his chest. Isaac smoothed the fabric over and stepped backward, grabbing their shoes placing them for Apollo to step right in to. His went on near effortlessly and he was right back at the Lion’s side. “A little colo’ o’ ya loo’s nice by the way.”

It was hard to focus with Isaac’s hands on his body and lips peppering kisses to his skin. He inhaled his scent and was comforted by the general closeness of the other. This whole day with Isaac truly showed Apollo what he had been missing this whole time. He had spent months keeping the other man at arm’s length and fighting a relationship with him because he was scared of his father. And now that he had found the strength to let go of that and just embrace being with the Australian. It felt good. It felt good to be like this with Isaac. It was also kind of funny how an act like dressing him felt far more intimate than rolling around on the sheets naked with him. 

He took a step back from Isaac and turned to the mirror. His eyes scanned over the clothes and he reached up with his hand and played with the collar of the shirt. Apollo liked Isaac’s clothes when they were on him. His clothes ranged from tame to flamboyant. Colors and  patterns that screamed look at me. At first, it intimidated Apollo because the man was used to wearing muted, dark clothes all of the time. But he soon came to love the flare of pop Isaac’s clothes had. Yet still, as he looked in the mirror, he was still thankful that Isaac hadn’t picked something out that drew attention to Apollo. Actually...he rather enjoyed the way the salmon colored shirt stood out against his olive skin. 

Apollo returned to Isaac and tried to fight back the blush that spread across his cheeks at the compliments being thrown his way. It didn’t help that Cass’ potion was still coursing through his body keeping his mind fuzzy and his anxiety far, far away. Isaac’s fingers trailed along the back of his neck and in response, Apollo wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. “I like wearing your clothes,” He replied with a small smile. Wearing Isaac’s clothes always brought him back to the first night they met. “Remember when I took your jacket? In the maze?” He still had it hanging on in his closet and wore it often. There was a preservation smell on it so that it always smelled like Isaac. “It’s funny how far we’ve come. It seems like it’s been years when really it’s just been a few months.”

Isaac reminded him of how hungry he was and Apollo smiled at the other and nodded. “I know, I know..” He mumbled as he stepped into the shoes Isaac had offered him. “There’s a small italian restaurant just outside of University. How does that sound? Hmm?” Isaac nodded in agreement and Apollo wrapped his arms around the man’s waist, pulling him in close so he could apparate the two there. He focused on the restaurant's location, since he had never been there and couldn’t focus on the actual building. And with a pop they appeared right before the doors. 

His first genuine reaction was to immediately pull away from Isaac. He didn’t want to and in the end, he didn’t actually pull away but that underlying fear was still there. Cass’ potion gave him the courage to fight it back. They weren’t technically on campus but still close enough that anyone could see them and recognize him. Apollo closed his eyes for half of a moment and inhaled slowly. His arms were still tightly wrapped around Isaac’s waist. This was their date. This was for them. This was for Isaac. And it was for him too. 

Slow inhale. 

Apollo unwrapped his arms around Isaac’s waist and instead slipped his hand into Isaac’s and laced their fingers. 

Breathe out slowly. 

He tugged Isaac towards the door of the restaurant and refused to let go of his hand as they stepped inside. 

Whatever was going on that morning Isaac had decided to stop letting it feel like it was choking him. Whatever had caused his foul mood had been taken away by the man currently giving him more attention than he felt he’d had in a lifetime. At least this sort of attention. The kind he desperately wanted. And he was greedily drinking from the pot from which it came. That man’s lips on his body, the closeness they were giving one another … it was everything Isaac had wanted since the first night they laid eyes on one another in the maze. It almost felt like a lifetime ago. The way Apollo looked at him now was nothing like how he looked at him then. In a way he hadn’t realized just how big the steps were they’d taken until it was right in front of him.

Isaac cradled the Lion against his chest and he couldn’t help how much he agreed. They shouldn’t leave the room today. A bit of Isaac was hesitant to be around other people after that episode. But no matter how he try and linger on the problem, actually figure out where he went wrong the more the fuzzy haze took him right back to where it was just he and Apollo. “We don’ ha’e ta go ou’.” He assured him, knowing damn well it was the safest of all their options.

After Apollo had opened up to him about his parents his need of public displays felt ridiculous. While it would have been nice, all Isaac wanted was for the both of them to be comfortable. And no matter what year it was or the time they were living, it wasn’t something that was so easily accepted. Especially to a family like Apollo belonged to. And though it hurt, Isaac could set aside his feelings for the time being. He had what was most important, Apollo Maddox. And it was quite clear from how tangled they’d become in this bed that Apollo was at least in very good spirits about all of it. That’s more than enough.

“Wh-wha’?” Isaac asked stupidly. It was almost inconceivable the thought but he couldn’t lie that his heart jumped at even the idea of them going out together. And that smile … that damn smile grew and grew as Apollo spun an outing for the pair of them. Apollo’s fingers tangled in his hair was almost too damn perfect. It was sinful how much he’d come to love when the other would play with his hair the way he had. The Slytherin’s eyes fluttered shut and he leaned in against his Lion. It wasn’t fair. Not fair in the least that he could turn Isaac into utter mush with just a touch or a look. That was how Isaac knew what he felt for Apollo was real. It was so real it was almost scary but he wasn’t alone. Apollo was right there, quite literally hold onto him to keep him from floating away.

The feel of Apollo’s warm breath on his lips did something to him. He couldn’t be sure if it was just the after effects or being with Apollo like this but he didn’t want this to end. He wanted this feeling to keep growing, to keep being what it was for them. Isaac pressed a gentle kiss to Apollo’s lips while he’d taken to cupping his face. Their noses nudged into each other and he sighed ever so slightly. The Snake nodded his head slowly as he drew back to look at those beautiful eyes that seemed to hold him captive no matter what the circumstance. “Le’s do i’.” The smile slowly spread and he leaned back in to place another soft kiss on the other’s lips. “I’ tha’s wha’ ya wanna do then le’s.” His fingers gently drug down his cheek and his hand came to rest against the other’s chest. “Bu’…” The smile widened a bit. “I am actually still hungry so maybe the par’ abou’ the food may ha’e ta change.”

Laying in bed all lazily in bed felt just as good as this suggested date but it was the sureness that his boyfriend had spoke with that had Isaac convinced this was the better of the two ideas. They had all the time in the world to lounge around. Going out into the world, the two of them and just being? Isaac couldn’t think of another way he’d rather have spent his day. “Co’e o’.” He whispered, slowly starting to untangle himself from Apollo. “I’ll le’ ya pick wha’ I wear if ya li’e.” His body slowly slid along the sheets until he was near the edge of the bed, coaxing his Lion to move with him.

If he was pulled out of university because of this, it would be worth it. If his father locked him away and forced him to marry her because of this, it was worth it. If this led to him never seeing the light of day ever again, it was all worth it. To see the pure, undiluted happiness on Isaac's face at the idea of a public date with him was something he had never witnessed before. But after seeing it, Apollo knew he couldn’t live without seeing it again. He had never made someone genuinely happy before. Not like this and it was a whole new experience. And he wanted more. He so desperately wanted more. Isaac shouldn’t go a single day without that kind of smile on his face. 

And this was a good thing. How could it not be? For once he didn’t feel the pressure of being a Maddox. He didn’t feel the need to be anyone but himself when he was here with Isaac. For once he was doing something he wanted and it was freeing. He couldn’t dwell over the consequences of his actions. It would suffocate him if he did. All he needed was to look into Isaac’s eyes and smile back at him. So that’s what he did. 

He smiled and nodded his head at Isaac’s request. He would have done anything for that man at that very moment. Anything he wanted. 

Isaac untangled himself from Apollo and moved off of the bed. It hurt to be separated from the other. Like half of himself was missing. He had almost wished they had decided to stay in bed all day so he didn’t have to lose contact with his boyfriend. But Isaac stood at the end of the bed and coaxed Apollo towards him. Come on. Apollo grinned and nodded, scooting himself to the edge of the bed. He paused for half a moment, snickering at the idea of picking out Isaac’s outfit for the day. “What makes you think I won’t pick out the most ridiculous outfit you own?” He questioned with a raised eyebrow and his lips twisted into a teasing grin. 

He moved towards Isaac’s closet, slowly, and carefully thumbed through the various shirts he had hanging. It had always been funny to him how opposite they were. Isaac wore bold colors and memorizing patterns. While Apollo had always stuck to dark clothing. He had never been fun or adventurous when it came to most things in his life. Clothing was no different. And while he had to admit it would have been fun to make Isaac wear something ridiculous, he settled on something quiet instead. 

Apollo pulled out a white button up shirt from the closet. The fabric was soft in his hands as he took it off the hanger. He turned towards Isaac and reached out for his hand. He slid the shirt over his one arm and then did it again with the other. Slowly, he pulled the shirt together and buttoned it a little more than half up. Just enough that there was still a part of Isaac’s chest exposed. And then he leaned forward, placing a light kiss against his exposed skin because in all honesty, he just couldn’t help himself. “You’re beautiful,” He damn near whispered, more to himself than to Isaac. Sometimes it hurt to look at him and it was hard to believe that he loved Apollo. 

He didn’t know what Apollo was playing at but he also didn’t want to question much more of what was going on. Isaac still felt incredibly out of sorts and so when the Lion had asked him to lay back and then helped him do it, Isaac went with it. He settled into his bed and watched that beautiful man crawling onto his lap. The warmth in his chest was still there at the sight and so he knew it was most likely the candies that was manipulating him. He’d hated that he’d screwed up so badly but knowing it wasn’t something much worse, that put his mind at near complete ease. He was still curious as to what this one was up to and especially after he was told to close his eyes.

But Isaac obliged and let his lids fall closed. His hands gently rubbed along the others thighs as he lay there anticipating whatever it was Apollo had up his sleeve next. He’d been told he was loved and then provided breakfast like an actual couple. And, in his not so subtle way, Apollo had called the pair of them boyfriends. He wasn’t quite sure how else this could possibly get better besides his mood but those thoughts were quickly dashed the moment he’d felt the other on his lips. Isaac didn’t restrain himself when it came to this kiss. He needed it and was clear Apollo was set on giving it to him. Which he was more than alright with him. His hands gently squeezed the other’s legs as their kiss grew more and more. It wasn’t until then that he’d felt a tingle in his tongue and a funny taste flooded his mouth. And both only intensified when his Lion finally pulled back. With everything that had happened that day, he wasn’t exactly sure if that was meant to happen or if it was from the candies. He didn’t want this moment soured for any reason.

It didn’t seem that were going to be the case. In fact, Isaac hadn’t ever felt that way in that moment. Nothing like that at all.

“Wow.” He barely breathed out, his eyes drifting across the ceiling as Apollo settled himself and this feeling took him over. Whatever anger and hate he’d felt in his being seemed to melt right off of him. The tightening in his gut all but untangled itself and he could comfortably lay there with Apollo in his arms. The confusion started to settle in and he couldn’t come up with a reason for it. He could chalk most of that up to the candies if he really wanted to. All but the taste that came after he’d had them. It couldn’t have been Apollo. Isaac knew all too well just the way that man tasted and that wasn’t it. But he couldn’t have predicted the candies coming out like they had today and so he wasn’t sure if that wasn’t an after effect or what it would be. Everything felt so right and so quickly. Just let it be, Isaac. 

Instinctively his arms went to cradle the Lion and Isaac made sure that his finger tips were touching the man’s actual skin. “We ca’.” He softly spoke, dragging his fingers lightly back and forth. Isaac finally tore his eyes from the ceiling when he’d realized it wasn’t going away. It felt good. He felt good. Apollo felt good. How could he not sign on for all of this? Perhaps the candy had finally wore off and he’d really just felt this good. Maybe it was just a lot. A lot of change in such a short time and he’d been in a piss poor mood to start with. Maybe … maybe this is what boyfriends actually felt like. Isaac had been with other people before and still hadn’t managed to achieve this kind of feeling. And Apollo had turned out to be the most challenging relationship he’d ever experienced but the way it made him feel, there just wasn’t anything like it. He wanted to question, wanted to pry but after everything, and Apollo staying, Isaac just wanted to be a regular couple. To just be them for a little bit.

“We ca’ always stay he’e wi’ each otha.” Isaac sighed softly, turning his face slowly to face his Lion. “You neva ha’e ta as’ fo’ tha’.” He whispered, pressing the softest of kisses between the other’s eyes and he’d turned slightly to settle into their new position. His leg drug up Apollo’s and he finally felt that smile that had wanted to be on his face since Apollo walked back in that room. It spread wide on his face and Isaac gave himself into this, wrapping his arms tightly around the other and he’d sighed as he kept Apollo close. “You pick wha’ we do today. I won’ fight any choices ya make. I jus’ wanna be with you.”

There was a pit of guilt resting in his stomach after he gave Isaac some of that potion against his will. It had worked. Isaac’s mood had lifted within seconds of their tongues connecting. Apollo too. He felt that blissful wave of happiness wash over his mind and body. It was amplified by Isaac’s arms wrapped around him and their way their bodies pressed together. He felt warmth and security. Something he had been missing all of his life. And then Isaac’s lips pressed against his head and Apollo closed his eyes. Yeah, he felt guilty for half a minute. But this...this right here felt too good to pass up and he wasn’t going to waste this precious time with Isaac feeling like shit for what he had done. 

“I’m not sure I can leave this bed,” Apollo admitted with a lopsided grin. “It feels too good to be here with you.” He nudged his foot against Isaac’s and then reached down to grasp his thigh in his hand. He pulled the other’s leg up to his hip and then buried his head into the nape of Isaac’s neck, muttering about being lazy and staying in bed for the rest of the day. 

He was finding it harder and harder to keep himself closed off from Isaac. He had a taste of what a true relationship was like and he was left wanting more. He had called Isaac his boyfriend and realized how much he liked the sound of that word. Apollo enjoyed having something that was purely his well, theirs. Nothing compared to this. Nothing could or ever would. He wanted it and he wanted more. So much more. Wasn’t it time he have what he truly wanted? Hadn’t he suffered enough?

“Let’s go out,” Apollo said after he pulled his face out of the warmth of Isaac’s neck. He was done being scared. He was done fighting the wrong person. He had spent so many months fighting Isaac and himself. When really he should have been fighting his father. Maybe he hadn’t been ready before but he was ready now. “Let’s go somewhere fancy where we’ll get disgustingly rich and expensive food that isn’t really all that good.” He grinned and brought a hand up to tangle into Isaac’s curls, his fingers massaging slowly against the man’s scalp. “And a bottle of champagne.” He leaned forward and kissed the Slytherin’s chin. “And I want to hold your hand. I want it to be like an actual date.” 

Apollo brushed back Isaac’s curls from his forehead and his lips hovered over the other’s. Was it possible to feel drunk on feelings like this? Why hadn’t he done this sooner? Every inch of his skin tingled and his heart felt like it was going to burst he felt so good in that very moment. Not even Cass’ potion could mask the pure, undiluted happiness he was feeling. “We’ll shower together and get all dressed up.” He leaned down and nipped at Isaac’s bottom lip. “What do you say, Isaac Wicker? Will you go out on an actual date with me?”

He wanted to smile, wanted to feel weightless in that moment because honestly, this was exactly what he needed to see from Apollo. They’d made such progress in the course of that morning. Despite Isaac not fully being himself, he’d come to understand a few more things about the man he was so infatuated with. And whether Apollo realized it or not, he’d done them both a favor. And not just because of what he’d said but that he came back at all. Maybe things weren’t going to be perfect and they weren’t going to be easy but he could work with that. Now that he knew what they were against. Though it didn’t help to think they were forced into this because of The Maddox’s. But Isaac understood. Family was complicated and it wasn’t his place to question the Lion’s survival tactics. After all, it wasn’t as though Isaac weren’t without a few of his own.

Isaac turned to watch Apollo slink back to the bed and how he longed to follow. He didn’t feel he deserved it after the way he’d acted and stayed by the desk a few more moments. Truth be told he was embarrassed and upset that he’d acted like it at all and that he’d fought it by saying it wasn’t his candies. If Isaac truly thought about it, the answer was simple and it was in-fact those little sugary good. He’d waved his finger gently back and forth over the remaining trays, turning the rather beautiful sculptures back into liquid in their forms. The quickest flick of his fingers and each cup steamed it’s contents into a ball above the trays. Once it was all gathered, he forced the three of them into the garbage next to his desk. Isaac felt absolutely drained and he didn’t like it. 

His head turned back at the sound of Apollo’s voice. Isaac glanced back over his shoulder to look at him. Their eyes met and Isaac studied him just a bit longer. Watching his hand rubbed the bed made an explosion of butterflies make themselves known to him. Was he starting to feel better or was he just that enamored with even the sight of this man he couldn’t fight it? At that moment Isaac couldn’t say for sure but he was leaning towards the latter. “Wha’?” He asked curiously. He didn’t know if he meant that seriously or if he was just trying to get him to come to him. Perhaps just laying there with him wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. After all, he had wanted to have this man curled up with him all morning. “O-o’ay.” He spoke softly and slid slowly across the room to him.

Isaac sank a knee down on the edge of the bed before his hands came to the mattress and he’d scooted himself right up next to Apollo. A small smile pulled at the left side of his mouth and he’d sighed softly. He felt incredibly foolish but the fact that Apollo was letting him this close after that, it meant the world to him. “’m sorry.” He whispered, propping himself onto his elbow and the Slytherin leaned into the other without warning. His forehead cradled between Apollo’s neck and shoulder. All Isaac could smell was his soap on Apollo and it warmed him even more. Though he could still feel the foul cloud snaking it’s way around his thoughts and feelings, Isaac tried his very best to fend off it’s effects from slipping out of his mouth.   

“Than’ ya fo’ the brekkis this mo’nin’.” He whispered, trying to smile for Apollo as he’d pulled back to look at him. “I … I don’ wan’ ya thin’in’ ‘m ungrateful eve’ ‘f ‘m bein’ a prick righ’ now.” His shoulders hunched a little and he’d brought his hand between them, letting his fingers rub lightly over the back of the other’s hand as he sighed out softly. “Ya thin’ ya bein’ swee’ is goin’ help?” He teased lightly, a quick, breathy laugh leaving his lips at the thought, but secretly okay if that’s what he was offering. 

He watched as Isaac disposed of his candies and felt a sense of relief as they were tossed out. Isaac wouldn’t admit that it had been the candies to set his mood off but Apollo knew. Even on a bad day, Isaac was still lovely and caring. This had been different. Apollo had seen, as clear as day, the struggle in Isaac as he tried to understand why he was so angry and tried to bite it back. He couldn’t switch it off and couldn’t control it. All of the signs had pointed to the candies. He supported Isaac’s candy making, had even taken part in using them but the more he grew to care about the other, the more unsteady it made him feel. Watching Isaac throw them away gave Apollo such a sense of relief. 

And then the bed dipped and Apollo turned just in time to feel Isaac’s head nuzzle into the crook of his neck. He inhaled deeply, the scent of the other, making him feel right at home. 

“You don’t have to thank me for breakfast,” he whispered and brought a hand up to the back of Isaac’s neck. His fingertips rubbed along his warm skin slowly before tangling his fingers into his curls. “And you don’t have to apologize for this.” And he meant it. How many times had Apollo made Isaac suffer through a shit mood and never once did he ever expect an apology from the Gryffindor. “That’s what boyfriends are for.” 

And there was it. The word. That word made Apollo blush but he didn’t make a big deal out of it. He had considered Isaac his boyfriend for quite some time now that it didn’t seem out of place to say. It was the easiest thing in the world to say second to tell him ‘I love you’. They weren’t seeing other people. They spent nearly every night together. They had even gone on trips together. He never wanted to ask Isaac if that was what they were but after admitting his love for the Slytherin he figured it was about time. They didn’t have all the time in the world so Apollo was determined to make the most of the time they had now. 

“Lay back,” he said and brought his other hand up to Isaac’s chest and lightly pushed him onto his back. “And close your eyes,” He added as he shifted himself so he was straddling the other’s hips.  “No peeking.” He truly did want to help Isaac’s mood and Apollo had the means to do so. Part of him longed to be honest about his intentions. He wanted to tell Isaac about Cassio’s potion. But an even bigger part of him was scared to do. So he didn’t. 

He waited until Isaac’s eyes drifted close then he pulled the vial from his pants and flipped the lid open with his thumb. Instead of tipping the potion into Isaac’s mouth, Apollo dropped a few on his own tongue before he leaned down and coaxed Isaac’s mouth open. He pressed his tongue against Isaac’s, deepening their kiss until he was sure the potion had been passed to the other. He wasn’t sure how Isaac would take it. If he would notice or just assume it was his own candies wearing off. Whatever consequences Apollo had to face slipping Isaac a potion he would face. All he cared about was the other feeling better. 

Of course it was foolish of him to think things were going to be that simple. It also made sense, with Apollo’s parents that was. Not that Isaac wanted it to be that way. It actually pained him to even consider that his parents could be so against him and what he’d wanted. It spoke miles to the mountains this man had to walk. It had to be lonely. There …. how could his parents not want their son to be happy? To live a full life and truly make something of himself or whatever he wanted to do. Could Isaac live with himself if it’d come to that? If … if he’d really choose him over his parents. He could barely process this fight let alone something of that magnitude. But hasn’t he already? 

Isaac initially tensed at the sensation of Apollo taking him into his grip. It wasn’t because he didn’t want it but more he didn’t feel he deserved it. Apollo had only wanted to be kind and actually do something for Isaac and he’d met it with his anger. Though he couldn’t imagine the Lion would have taken his stance as of that moment all too well. Slowly he drew in a deep breath and relaxed under the other’s touch. His stomach growling now and  the sensation of twisting itself over and over was near crippling. “I’s no’ o’ay.” He whispered back, shaking his head and he quietly let out a sigh. At least this still felt the same. It still felt it was just the two of them. He’d felt Apollo moving towards him and leaned in slightly but only to be met with nothing. Isaac opened his eyes to see what had taken his attention instead. 

The Slytherin’s brow raised at the question. He didn’t understand at all what he meant or why he’d sounded so strange about all of it. “O’ course I did. I tol’ ya i’s a new one. Always ha’e ta try the firs’ o’ ‘em.” He answered simply, watching Apollo with a wild curiosity. “Wha’ do ya mea’ reverse i’? Reverse wha’ exactly?” He’d almost given himself a headache trying to understand what he was getting at exactly. The candies didn’t affect him. At least they hadn’t before. “No.” His eyes went from Apollo to the candy and back again. Until he’d made himself look at the trays of them. There’s no way. Isaac shook his head and scoffed at the thought of it. “No, there’s no way.” He told the other in absolute confidence. 

But the more he stood there and looked at them the less confident he became. “Jus’ ..” Isaac reached out and took the candy from Apollo’s fingers. He couldn’t take a chance and have this … if it was indeed from these, Apollo couldn’t lose himself. “Maybe don’ touch ‘em.” He placed it back into it’s tray and pushed it back from the both of them. How could it be? Isaac was trying to understand exactly how he’d messed it up. How could he mess up his own magic? It’d come from him. His finger tapped the edge of the tray as he looked it over and felt himself growing more frustrated the more he’d fixated on it. “I’ … i’ jus’ can’ be.”

He had a temper. Though he did his very best to contain it there were times when it’d gotten the best of him. He’d often chalked it up to his Veela blood but it had to come from somewhere else too not just that. His head tipped slightly and he’d watch the light dance across all of them. “Ya ha’e ta le’ ‘em ru’ the cou’se normally. ‘m …. ‘m no’ su’e i’ ya ca’ spee’ i’ up. Neva tried.” His voice grew quieter with each word that came out. The unease settling and the clenching in his gut turning him quiet. He thought he’d understood how this worked. Whenever it’d been done before there had never been complications but … there had to a reason he just couldn’t accept it was his magicks doing this. He didn’t want to more than anything. “You don’ ha’e ta stay. I .. I don’ know wha’ this is bu’ I don’ wan’ ya gettin’ hur’.”

He was a bit taken aback by Isaac’s tone. As if it was the craziest notion in the world that it might be his candies. It made sense to Apollo. The candies were untested and Isaac hadn’t been clear on their purpose. It wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibility that he had made them incorrectly or that they needed to be tweaked. In their past history, Apollo hadn’t asked much about Isaac’s candies. He trusted that the man knew what he was doing. There had been so many times that Apollo had consumed them blindly. He knew, deep down, that Isaac’s reaction had to be from the sample he took. 

Because he didn’t want to believe that Isaac could treat him this way on his own. 

Keeping his arms around Isaac’s waist, Apollo rested his forehead in the center of his back and breathed him in slowly. He didn’t understand what was going on. He didn’t understand if Isaac’s anger was displaced or if it really was just a product of magic gone wrong. The only thing he did completely understand was that he was going to leave him. Not like this. Not with him feeling like this. Before Apollo would have stormed off by now in a fit of his own rage. But things were different now. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay and fix this. He wanted to make sure Isaac felt better. It was odd to care about someone else. Odd...but also refreshing. 

“I don’t want to go,” He whispered into Isaac’s shirt and pressed his fingertips lightly into the warm skin on his hips. “I was looking forward to spending the morning with you. Probably the day too.” Apollo kissed Isaac’s shoulder blade and released him from his grip. He walked backwards to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. “That doesn’t change because you’re cranky.” He toyed with the end of Isaac’s comforter, twisting his fingers into the fabric. “Truth be told it’s a bit refreshing. You being cranky instead of me. I'm used to it always being me.” 

He brought his legs up onto the bed and laid down, staring up at the ceiling. The potion bottle in his pocket, digging into his leg. Apollo turned his head and looked at Isaac. Really looked at Isaac. He was upset. Angry. This time at himself rather than at Apollo. He didn’t need to feel the other’s emotions to know what he was feeling. They were written as clear as day on his face. The potion, Cassio’s potion, would work. It would suppress the emotions coursing through Isaac. It would give him relief but it would also out Apollo. What the potion was. Why he was taking it. Who it was from. A whole chest of questions he didn’t have the heart to answer. 

But seeing the look on Isaac’s face killed him. 

He didn’t like this. Not one bit. He hated how Apollo was looking at him and how this room felt so negatively charged. Isaac pulled his shirt closed and hung his head. He was ashamed of himself. How could he have done this? It hadn’t even been twelve hours since they’d declared their love for one another and he’d managed to sour it already. Maybe Mom was right. Isaac quickly dismissed that thought as quickly as it’d come. He knew what he felt for Apollo and he wasn't’ wrong for it. He couldn’t have foreseen them getting in an argument about anything but yet there they were. Just calm yourself.

All of those words were out in the world now. Things he hadn’t even really been all that bothered by but it was clear there was no holding back for him today. Normally he’d have had more poise, spoken to Apollo in a more kind and gentle manner. Isaac didn’t like himself right then. Not that he didn’t like himself at all but he didn’t like what was going on with him. And more to the point that he couldn’t pinpoint exactly what was wrong. For someone so in tune with himself, this was throwing him off in ways he could barely deal with. And … the look. That look that Apollo had on his face. Instead of the softness he usually gaze at the snake with had disappeared. He’d never seen a look like this before. Not from anyone and it made his entire being want to just pull away and curl up into a corner right then and there.

Isaac looked carefully at the Lion before him. He felt those statements were heading somewhere. For as much as it hurt to bring up, the answer he’d gotten was … well, not comforting but it’d made more sense to him than anything he’d been thinking in the past few weeks and especially in that moment. “You … ya no’ ou’?” He asked softly, his fingers tangling in the fabric of his shirt and he’d stepped away from the wardrobe to stand in front of his desk. Isaac’s head still hung, he could barely make eye contact with him after that. Not only was he angry, irrationally and without merit, but he truly felt like one of the world’s biggest dicks in the entire world. There was no way he would have ever connected the two. That Apollo wasn’t … well, it just didn’t seem to be a norm anymore. Being so closeted but he didn’t know Apollo’s life prior to this and he’d had a hard time coming by it even now. Was that really why he’d had such a problem with Kai? To be honest, Isaac didn’t even truly know if the other had been interested in him in that way but he just enjoyed his company. 

The snake’s eyes slowly closed as Apollo continued to tell him exactly what he was thinking. And why shouldn’t he, Isaac had no problem letting all of that come out. The worst part was, he hadn’t even really cared that he was speaking about a friend. It …. it was a lot to take on, having barely gotten much from this man and normally he’d have been so grateful. And he was still but something just wasn’t sitting well. His stomach started to turn more, forcing him to lean on the desk and he drew in deep breaths. He kept his back as straight as possible, keeping Apollo from knowing something was really wrong with him was the utmost importance at that moment. He didn’t deserve any sort of sympathy from him. Not a single ounce. Especially not after he’d been so rude and more or less turned his nose up to Apollo. That was never his intention.

“I’ is.” He spoke just above a whisper, his nails scraping the wood of the desk and his eyes looking down onto the trays of cooled candies. They were stunning. At least there was one good thing to come out of this entire morning. He couldn’t quite look at the other just yet but he knew enough to keep his distance with how he was feeling. Isaac couldn’t stand the thought that Apollo thought he was willing ill of this all. He’d never do that, even if they hadn’t worked out he could never wish bad things on the man. He’d come to care for him too deeply to will anything but good for him. “I’ is enough, Apollo.” A shaky breath followed the soft sentence but he didn’t know what else to do. He’d ruined everything. Standing there, feeling Apollo radiating disappointment at him wasn’t helping. It only made him feel more low than he’d already felt. “I … ‘m sorry. ‘m no’ su’e wha’s wrong.”

Isaac finally willed himself to stand up straight, looking back over his shoulder at the other man. He could have puddled right then and there if it meant it they could have started this whole day over. This was not how he’d ever wanted to be with Apollo. Not since the night at the club had he wanted to fight with this man. And he truly hadn’t woken up ready for this. If anything he’d just wanted Apollo to be there and he’d have happily gone back to sleep. Instead they were having a go before the damn sun was even up. They were better than this. His face tucked back in against his shoulder and he’d sighed and let his head hang once again.

“I don’ … I don’ feel myself.” 

Apollo sighed and shook his head. “It’s complicated.” He really didn’t want to get into this when Isaac was acting this way. Or at all actually. “I am out.” Be careful, be careful. “Out as in my parents know of my preference and I’m well aware of the fact that they don’t approve nor will they ever accept that part of me.” He sucked in a deep breath and twisted his fingers around nervously. He could tell Isaac right then and there. He could get all of his secrets out in the open. Though something told him it wasn’t the correct time to tell Isaac. Honestly, too much time had passed and too many feelings had already developed between them. He couldn’t see how he could possibly ever tell Isaac the truth about his future. “Pursuing this with you means I’ll most likely be disowned.” And I’ll die. He gritted his teeth and brushed his fingers lightly over his forearm. Any time he thought about going against the unbreakable vow it stung. “Which is fine. I don’t care about the name or the money…”

He knew Isaac well enough to know that if he knew about the unbreakable vow he’d leave Apollo. He’d be the hero and walk away if it meant saving his life. Where Apollo would rather spend every aching minute with Isaac and die happy than live an entire life being miserable. It was selfish. He was well aware of that. But for the first time in his life, he had something worth dying for. 

“Or worse they’ll pull me out of University. So me being careful and cautious isn’t me refusing to feel things for you. It’s me protecting what we have.” He wanted to tell Isaac about how they had already been semi caught. After Australia. His father knew he was seeing someone he just couldn’t figure out who. “You’re not from here. You don’t get it. You don’t understand the pull my father’s name has. Or what he can do if he knows who you are. He’s made people disappear before.” Apollo didn’t know if his father had paid off his first boyfriend or if he had killed him. Truly he didn’t want to know. 

He stayed near the wall, eyeing Isaac as he hunched over his desk. There was something wrong. He knew Isaac better than he knew himself. This wasn’t him. The things he had said were probably things that laid in the back of his mind but he would never throw them out in the open like this. He would never blindside Apollo willingly because he was so damn afraid of him walking away. Which Apollo probably would have if this all had happened prior to him saying ‘I love you’. Saying and feeling those words made it all different. He couldn’t just walk away anymore. 

“I know this isn’t you.” He stepped towards Isaac much like he had that night at the club. He wrapped his arms tightly around the Slytherin’s waist and rested his forehead in the center of his back. Apollo stayed still for a few moments. Just rubbing his fingertips along Isaac’s hips gently. He listened to his breathing and tried his best to calm him down the only way he knew how. Just by being there. “It’s okay, Isaac.” He lifted his head, resting his chin on Isaac’s shoulder. So badly he wished that they could start over and wake up together. That their morning could have started off differently. 

It felt easier if he just listened for the time being. He couldn’t get his thoughts in line with how he felt and it was irritating him further. What the hell is my problem? This was such a good morning. They had a one of a kind night and now? Now Isaac had wished that Apollo had disappeared in the middle of the night. If for no other reason than to avoid this … well it wasn’t a fight but it didn’t feel like their normal conversations either. It all felt so off and Isaac hated it. He hated every second of it. And clearly he wasn’t the only one.

Seeing and feeling Apollo’s irritance from across the bed was not helping and honestly Isaac just felt like he wanted to die. And even more so when he’d felt the Lion’s mood change entirely. It didn’t come like a wave like normal, no it was a tsunami of emotions smacking him just as hard as those words had. What was he supposed to do? Certainly this conversation couldn’t be a thing. Not when … not when Isaac was so out of sorts. But he wasn’t going to tell Apollo that. He’d take it as a way for him to run. There was no way in hell he’d back down but it didn’t feel any better to continue to try to save face. 

“You ge’ i’?” He asked when Apollo had finally stopped. Isaac nearly spilled his coffee trying to put it down “When I wa’e u’ an’ you’re no’ he’e eve’y time Apollo it hur’s. You keep talkin’ abou’ someone else I ha’e ne’er hear’ ya spea’ a lick of until no’ an’ you ca’ jus’ si’ there li’e all of this is normal.” Isaac felt his chest growing tighter with each sentence that left his lips. “Whe’ I brough’ u’ knowin’ jus’ someone as a frien’ i’ was a problem an’ ‘m no’ li’e ya. I don’ ha’e no one here. I’ you ain’ he’e …” Isaac could feel his face getting hot and the brims of his eyes were already there. He hated how he got so worked up so quickly. It wasn’t like he could help it. Not really. 

“Ya really thin’ ‘m tryin’ ta tell ya ta fuck off?” He asked as he stood from his bed and brushed by Apollo to retrieve himself some proper clothes. “Really thin’ tha’s exac'ly wha’ ‘m sayin’?” Isaac was rifling through his drawers now, none too sure of what it was exactly he was looking for but he’d grabbed a dark silk shirt and he’d pulled it on over his shoulders. He wasn’t even sure what to say. Though everything he’d said was what had been weighing on him. It wasn’t how he wanted to talk about any of this. Not in the least.

His fingers fumbled trying to get the damn buttons in place until he’d finally given up and turned back to look at Apollo. He was slightly surprised he hadn’t run right out that door. Perhaps he’d meant it. Meant that he loved him. “We don’ ha’e a normal …. we’re no’ normal, Apollo. I don’ wanna be bu’ i’ ya mean’ wha’ ya said ….” He sighed softly, his teeth gritting back and forth. The room shouldn’t have felt this hot and Isaac placed a hand on the wardrobe behind him for support. “I jus’ …” He drew in another deep breath and felt his weight shift back onto his heels. “I don’ know. I ..jus’ don’. I wanna be goo’ fo’ ya. I try an’ until las’ nigh’ I didn’ thin’ i’ was ever gonna happen.”

Isaac swallowed and dropped his head, attempting to do the buttons up once more. “I jus’ wan’ed …” That was a lie. He had no idea what he felt at that moment. He knew what he wanted but … well, what was the point in holding back now. “I jus’ wan’ed to lo’e ya, Apollo. Just lo’e ya and be happy. Tha’s all an’ if ‘m hurtin’ ya then ..”

He folded his arms angrily across his chest as Isaac jumped up from the bed and started to yell at him. How had things gotten so twisted like this? He didn’t even know what they were fighting about just that they were at each other’s throats. Did this really all stem from the fact that he wasn’t there when Isaac woke up? But...he had explained that he went to get breakfast. And Isaac was usually reasonable and even tempered. Apollo was always the hot headed on between the two of them. It felt so...foreign to be the rational one in the relationship. Foreign and scary.

“I woke up with a headache!” Because I’m addicted to an emotion numbing potion. Which he really wished he had taken before he came back into this room. It was stupid of him to want to spend a sober day with Isaac. Especially when this was the sort of day he was going to get. At least if he had been under the effects of Cassio’s potion this wouldn’t have hurt as bad. “I should have left a note or something. I thought I was doing something nice.” He couldn’t...there was no way that he was this upset about Apollo going to get breakfast. And then it dawned on him. “Wait..” He shook his head and looked at Isaac as if he had grown two other heads. “You’re mad because I mentioned my friend? He knows about you. He has a boyfriend. I was trying…” He brought his hand up to rub at his temples, his headache was coming back. “I was trying to share parts of me with you.”

“I thought that was what you wanted.” He truly didn’t know what Isaac wanted from him anymore. And it hurt that Isaac was bringing up their past to throw in his face. It wasn’t like Apollo brought up that one time he found Isaac flirting with plenty of other guys at the club. He had forgiven him for that and moved on from it. “I never said you couldn’t be friends with him. I never once made you promise anything like that. Did it bother me? Yeah, Isaac, of course it did. Because he’s probably out and would probably be easy with him. I know it isn’t easy with me and that you deserve better. I’m well aware of the fact that you’re too good for me. I’m reminded of it daily when I can’t walk outside and hold your fucking hand because I’ll…”

He turned around and leaned his head against the wall, then his fist came up next and he bit the inside of his cheek until he could taste copper. He took a moment to control his breathing and try to calm himself down. This wasn’t how he wanted the day to go and he was pissed that it was starting off like this when he had only been trying. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me, Isaac.” He turned around to face the Slytherin and shook his head again. “I’m trying. I’m trying to be better for you because I want to be better for you but you’re making me feel like shit for trying. I don’t try and I’m an asshole. I try and I’m an asshole.”

It shouldn’t have been a surprise to Isaac that Apollo was winging the whole relationship thing. But didn’t it count at all that he was trying now? Didn’t all of his current actions show that he was committed and invested. “I fucking told you that I’m in love with you, Isaac,” Apollo spat out in anger. “And you wake up and you still think the worst of me. Which is something I can deal with because I’m painfully aware that my track record isn’t crystal clear. But I explained what happened and that should be enough.”

They did have a normal. Australia was their normal. Isaac’s dorm was their normal. Holding each other’s hands and falling asleep with Milo snuggled between them was normal. Late nights on the pier and skinny dipping was their normal. They had a normal. Maybe it wasn’t like anyone else’s normal but it was theirs and Apollo was grateful for it. He needed it. He craved it but most importantly, he wanted it.

“I did mean what I said.” He finally found his shirt kicked under the bed and he took a few steps towards it and picked it up. He wrung the shirt between his fingers because he hated the way Isaac said ‘if you meant it’ as if stating that there was a possibility that Apollo hadn’t. “I have never told anyone in my whole life that I love them. That I’m in love with them. It was special and it meant a lot to me to finally be able to say it to you because all of my life I was taught that love didn’t matter. That it makes you weak. I was raised to not love anyone, Isaac. I was raised to be a soldier for the Ministry and to die for the Ministry. You…” He waved his hand between the two of them. “And this relationship...I wasn’t trained for this. I don’t understand this. It doesn’t come easy for me. You’re a puzzle that I don’t understand. You talk about things you like and I only listen because I wasn’t raised to ask questions. I’ve been stuck this way for twenty five years and you want some sort of change overnight ...And then I do change and I give you what you want from me and it still, for some reason, isn’t enough for you.”

I just wanted to love you, Apollo. 

Why did that sound like giving up?

“ And you deserve to know that I’m completely in love with you. “ Just keep remembering that, Isaac. It’s not that bad. It’s really all okay. Just remember.

A part of him felt an insane jealousy as Apollo kept going on about this friend. It was ridiculous for him to even feel or think that way but he couldn’t help it. This fixation didn’t feel right to him either. But what was he going to say? He couldn’t really offer much in ways of whoever this man was but the one name he had recognized. Davenport. But he didn’t think the first name was Oliver. Were there more than one? “I thin’ ya ca’ as’ still.” Isaac offered softly, picking a piece of the muffin off and he’d taken the rest to set it between the two of them. “Soun’s li’e the two o’ ya ca’ make it pas’ a few boy problems. ‘m su’e ya complai’ abou’ me ta ‘im too.” Isaac offered a small smile and instead took a bite from the piece he’d taken. And much to his surprise it was incredibly good though it did little to lift his mood.

“I’s goo’.” He spoke after he’d finished chewing, washing it back with another sip of coffee. This was not how he wanted this to be. No he wanted them to feel like they had in Australia. When it was just them and nothing to distract them. That’s how it should have been and his mood, Merlin help him was just getting worse by the moment. Isaac ran his tongue over his lower lip and scooted back a little more on the bed, folding his legs butterfly style on the bed now. His thumb tracing over the rim of the cup. “Mmmm.” He nodded, taking another bite and he’d brushed the crumbs from his fingers onto the floor.

Isaac finally looked up at Apollo and really looked at him. The first thing he saw was that shirt wasn’t exactly his. No, it was Isaac’s. If this were any other day the touching feeling he had from that would have spread through his entire being. He wished that it had. “I’s suppose’ ta ma’e the whole bi’ las’ longer.” He explained, reaching out to take another piece of the muffin. For not being much of a morning person, and whatever this attitude was, Isaac felt he was managing decently. “So instea’ o’ the little while li’e you go’ tha’ firs’ time i’ should be nearly a whole day.” It wasn’t so much that he was worried about his clients buying less from him but he wanted to give them more a quality. Maybe one day he could do it with something that actually made a difference.

He shrugged his shoulders and started to pick small bites from the muffin piece. “I’s jus’ somethin’ stupid. Nothin’ ta worry abou’.” He quickly pushed it away. He didn’t know why he did. This had been one of the only times he’d actually asked … anything about him. Of course Isaac volunteered a lot of his own information but still he wasn’t sure how to take all of this. It felt like everything had changed and then nothing had. That they were still as they were but … You’re putting too much into this. “Wha’ …. wha’ a’e ya doin’ whe’ ya leave he’e?” He asked quietly, trying to keep himself from lingering in the shitty mood that seemed to just keep rolling on stronger. “You’ll ha’e ta tell little o’e I’ll see hi’ soo’.”

Apollo lifted his head up at Isaac’s comment regarding him and Cassio and boy problems. His brow furrowed in confusion and he silently pondered on what Isaac could have meant about that. Did he really think that Apollo complained about him? But then, he was surprised that Isaac had assumed Apollo had told Cassio about him at all given the fact that he refused to let Isaac touch him in public unless they were out of the country. “I don’t complain about you to him,” Apollo spoke softly and shrugged his shoulders as he tried to as non confrontational as possible. “He’s happy for me.” And he’s terrified for me at the same time. “That I’ve found someone that makes me happy and I’m trying to be happy for him too. I am happy for him. I just wish it was someone other than Oliver Davenport. That bloke just bugs me.” 

He reached forward and picked off a piece of the french toast crumble from on top of the muffin. “I’ve heard some bakeries only make muffin tops. That’s it. No bottom part of the muffin just the tops. Because so many people just like the tops.” He popped the bit of food into his mouth and nearly groaned from the taste alone. He had to give credit where credit was due. Valor was an incredible baker. There was no denying it. “I, on the other hand, like every part of the muffin. Sometimes the boring parts are the best part.” 

Taking another sip of his coffee and another pinch of the muffin, Apollo listened to Isaac talk about his business. Sometimes he forgot that Isaac supplied magicked candy to the students around the university. He tried not to dabble too much in Isaac’s candy because the last thing he wanted Isaac to think was that the candy was the only reason he came back around. It wasn’t. Never had been. But from time to time he did ask because he was curious. He also loved seeing that little twinkle in Isaac’s eye when he talked about his masterpieces. “Aren’t you worried you won’t sell as much?” He tilted his head as he asked the question. Or maybe it was a smart plan on Isaac’s part. A better product that lasts longer will make the customers happier. And really, at the end of the day, he didn’t believe Isaac was in it for the money. It was just something he loved doing. 

He closed his mouth when Isaac seemed to close down the conversation. Something was definitely off. Usually he went on and on, especially when he made an effort to converse. Apollo wasn’t able to pinpoint exactly what it was that was bothering the Slytherin. Part of him started to feel insecure. Had Isaac not really expected or even wanted him to stay the night? Suddenly, the only place he’d thought of that was the closest to ‘home’ for him didn’t feel like home at all. He suddenly felt like a stranger sitting there in Isaac’s dorm. A stranger that wasn’t welcomed. 

“Oh,” His mouth formed a small ‘o’ at Isaac’s words but Apollo quickly shook off the shock of them. “See him soon?” Which meant he would see Apollo soon. He repeated and started to feel his face heat up. He knew what this was. Isaac was politely telling him to fuck off. How many times had Apollo done that to other guys? He had been a master of it. And it all made sense. Isaac was surprised as fuck to see him walk back into his dorm. Was clearly irritated that he brought breakfast. Apollo had been a challenge. He was stubborn and a game. Then he was an idiot and fell in love. Was an even bigger idiot to confess to Isaac his feelings. Apollo set his coffee down on the nightstand and stood from the bed, his hands on his hips and he turned away from Isaac. “You can just tell me fuck off if that’s what you want.”

He had been ready to die for Isaac. To kiss his inheritance and his family away for his man. To spend what little precious time he had left with Isaac. What a fucking fool he had been. For a fleeting moment he truly thought being in love was a possibility. That he could be happy and that things could be different for him. That maybe what his parents raised him to be wasn’t all he could be. He could be more. He could be better. For so many years he had been cold. He felt cold. He acted cold. Then he met Isaac and he wanted to be warmer and better. But it was clear to him now. It was all clear to him now. That he was only exciting when he was an asshole. “Don’t worry about it,” Apollo snapped when Isaac opened his mouth. “I get it.”

There weren’t very many times that Isaac had ever truly felt like a prick but today had been one of the few days it would happen.

The moment that door opened he knew he’d made a mistake. He’d gotten ahead of himself. And though it wasn’t entirely his fault the anger he was feeling, he still let himself get too worked up. Seeing Apollo come back filled him with an emotion he wasn’t quite sure how to handle. It was .. hope? It was utter happiness. It was more than he was used to when it concerned the man now laying a bag down and bringing him a coffee. It was a little bit of guilt too. Guilt that he jumped and that he was ready to believe that … well he wasn’t entirely sure where he was going with it.

Instead Isaac sank back into the chair as Apollo started to speak. And the oddest part of all of this was that he was talking as if they’d done this before. But wasn’t that kind of it’s charm? That Isaac had never thought he’d get to see anything like this and here Apollo was giving him that and then some. His eyes closed at the sound of the cup touching his desk and he’d breathed out gently when the kiss came. He’d been a prick. A right prick and the worst part was the Lion didn’t even know. 

“Than’ ya.” He spoke gently and he’d picked up the coffee, feeling himself moving as Apollo had to face him. A small smile touched his lips and he pulled his left leg up onto the chair to recline a little more. “I .. I don’ normally ea’ brea’fas’ bu’ I … I li’e this.” He managed to smile a little, taking the top off the coffee and he blew carefully over the top. Just black, exactly how he liked it. Maybe …. maybe he really had been paying attention. It was hard to wrestle that anger he felt still clenching over and over in gut and knowing that this was probably one of the sweetest things that anyone had done for him. Ever. “We ca’ absolu'ely sha'e.”

Isaac took a sip from his coffee, enjoying the hot liquid filling his mouth before he’d drank it back. “I’s a new recipe.” He spoke softly, trying to savor the flavor of the coffee and the attitude he was trying to force himself into. He couldn’t even remember the last time anyone had gone out of their way to get something like that for him. “They still ha’e ta coo’ so …” Isaac still felt like shit, thinking the worst and now reaping the benefits of this man. He’d cleared his throat and pushed himself from the seat to join the other. 

He’d taken to sitting cross legged, his coffee balanced in both his hands and he couldn’t take his gaze from the man across from him now. He wished … no, prayed that things wouldn’t be so difficult any longer. If he were being honest he’d even grown slightly frustrated that there was so much back and forth … but this? This wasn’t anything he’d ever expected. “Than’ ya really.” He spoke smoothly, sipping from his cup and he’d let a small smile linger on his lips. “I …. well … I wasn’ sure …” Isaac stopped himself right then before he’d said something he’d regret. “French Toast? Tha’s an interestin’ concep’.”

He sipped slowly at his coffee as Isaac came to join him on the bed. He watched as the Slytherin made himself comfortable and went back to sipping at his black coffee. Something felt off to Apollo but he couldn’t place a finger on exactly what it was. Isaac was acting his normal self. He was gracious for the coffee and breakfast, even though he didn’t normally eat breakfast, he was still willing to for Apollo. Maybe the Gryffindor was reading into things. It was still early and he was a master of jumping to conclusions. He’d let it slide for now. 

Ahh. Apollo’s lips turned into a thin line and he looked down at his lap for a moment. Isaac didn’t need to say it. He understood exactly what he didn’t say. Isaac woke up and didn’t see Apollo. When he didn’t see him, he assumed that he had left in the middle of the night. He should have left a note but he hadn’t thought...he said he would stay. Though could he really blame Isaac for feeling that way? How many times had Apollo left him in the middle of the night. 

But he had told Isaac he loved him. 

If he didn’t think that Apollo had stayed through the night did he even believe him when he said those words? Did he just think that Apollo would never be true to his word? Ever? He opened his mouth but his voice caught in his throat. Never did he think he would tell someone he loved them, that he was in love with them, and have that person not believe him. But really what was bothering him was that he felt that Isaac always expected the worst in him. Even though he was trying. 

He cleared his throat and looked back up at Isaac, trying to twist his lips up into a smile. Change the subject. Change the subject. “I grew up with Cassio. We went to Hogwarts together and then reunited here. Well, his roommate is this insane baker. He always has baked goods in the Ravenclaw dorms and he’s always making Cassio test things which means I get forced into testing things.” He reached for the bag of muffins and pulled it into his lap while he opened the bag. “Now that Cassio is dating Davenport though I’m sure I won’t be a test subject any longer.” Apollo reached into the bag and pulled out the french toast muffin. It smelled good and it was still warm. With little bits of french toast crumble on top. “But Cassio dating Oliver keeps him off my and the other Gryffindor’s backs so I’m all for it. Even if I miss out on daily baked goods.”

“Mmmm goo’ … goo’ mornin’.” The Snake spoke softly as his fingers gently pinched the fabric of his sheets and he sleepily moved his head back and forth on the pillow. The warmth of the bed almost made him not want to get up at all but he knew that Apollo wasn’t going to want to stay in bed all day. For someone that was as tired as he was constantly, one would think that a few extra hours in bed would be his first pick for a lazy day. “I ho'e I didn’ sno’e o’ ‘nythin’ embarassin’.”

Isaac’s fingers stretched and he’d clenched around … sheets? Slowly his eyes opened to find that it was just him in the bed. A moment more and he’d closed his eyes, slowly reopening them to find that what he’d seen the first time was really his reality. Apollo hadn’t stayed and he was buggered. Beyond buggered. Waking up to empty arms, especially after last night … it wasn’t how Isaac thought his day was going to start. To be honest he wasn’t sure why he expected anything different. Perhaps all of that last night was just a moment. A moment that wasn’t as …. maybe it was just less than what Isaac had thought it meant. 

But he said it. He had to have meant it.

And perhaps he had. In his own way. Everything about Apollo had been complicated from the very start. The longer Isaac allowed these thoughts to flow through his mind the more upset he was making himself. He couldn’t control Apollo and he couldn’t make him …. well he couldn’t force Apollo to try something different than what he was. That wasn’t Isaac’s style and if he forced it …. It wasn’t something he was willing to chance this, whatever they were on. 

The Slytherin pulled himself from the bed and blankets, making his way over to his own bathroom to shower off the events of last night and now his frustration with how his morning was starting. He was hoping to come out feeling refreshed and ready to … ready to take on his day or whatever it was that he was going to do that day. Clearly any plans he’d half thought of for he and Apollo to do weren’t going to happen. Isaac bit his lip and stripped before he’d stepped into the water, praying to wash the frustration way.

Though when he’d stepped out, frustrated was all he felt. Knowing Apollo had touched damn near everything in his room and this one left a sour taste in his mouth. It wasn’t so much that he’d expected Apollo to change but that he’d let himself think that he would overnight. Isaac toweled himself off before making his way back out to his still empty room. He’d caught a glimpse of the unmade bed and rolled his eyes, deciding to sit at his desk instead. The sun still hadn’t come up but work sounded more pleasant than anything else. At least he could focus on something. For now.

It wasn’t long before the glass beakers and tubes had started to come to life and start producing that beautiful liquid he’d come to know and love nearly as well as himself. Isaac’s eyes focused intently on liquid dripping into it’s molds and he’d moved them accordingly until he ran completely through that batch. 

Isaac brought his wand over the few trays, enchanting them with their swirls of colors and added little glimmers to the cracks of the scales. It was a new recipe, one he was quite proud of. At least if he’d done his research right, then he’d have doubled the effect length of his magic in the candies. At least that he could take pride in. That he’d put so much effort into and the pay off was about to be better than he could have ever imagined. “Jus’ coo’ m’ beauties.” He spoke through gritted teeth as the colors solidified and he blew over all of them, admiring the shimmer and colors he’d selected. “Leas’ ya neva le’ me down.” Isaac felt his face fall a little as he’d started to work the cooling spell over each and every one of these pieces until one had finally popped up from it’s mold.

Without another moments wait, Isaac popped it into his mouth. The taste of vanilla filled his mouth and the feel of the candy was exactly what he’d needed. Though they didn’t actually do anything for him, making sure they tasted as they always had was a point of pride for him. “Goo’ jo’.” He spoke under his breath as he’d rolled the candy around in his mouth and kept a steady eye on the others while they cooled the rest of the way.

Apollo waved his wand over the two cups of coffee, whispering a heating spell so that the two coffees wouldn’t be cold by the time he got back to Isaac’s dorm.

It took him longer to ditch Cassio and Oliver than he had expected. The pair had followed closely behind him on his way back to the dorms. They didn’t talk to him or walk next to him but they were close enough that he could hear tidbits of their conversation. Apollo wouldn’t admit that he was a little disappointed that Cassio didn’t push the subject of Orion with his boyfriend. Afterall, Oliver’s reaction had been alarming and unexpected. But they didn’t even breach the subject. When they reached the dorms, Apollo paused for a moment and pretended to fumble in his pockets with his free hand. He really was watching to make sure that Oliver and Cassio were going to the Ravenclaw dorms and not Gryffindor. He was pleased when his gaze met Cassio’s and the blonde nodded before entering the dorm. 

Apollo turned towards the Slytherin dorms just as the sun started to rise. Truly he hadn’t thought running out to get breakfast would have taken so long. He was entirely far too eager to slip back into bed with Isaac and spend a lazy day with him. It just figured that Valor would take an extra ten minutes to open the bakery that morning and that Apollo would run into the most obnoxious Gryffindor alive who was damn near impossible to shake. 

He stepped into the Slytherin dorms and was thankful that no one was up already. He climbed the stairs up to Isaac’s dorm. Funny how he didn’t have to think about where to go, his feet knew the way. It was a habit by now. He liked that. That Isaac’s dorm felt like a second home to him. It was a rare thing to feel hopeful, especially when it concerned Apollo. But he did. Feel hopeful. Right now and maybe that was enough. For now. 

Slowly he opened the door to Isaac’s dorm and stepped inside quietly. Just incase the Slytherin was still sleeping. 

He wasn’t. 

“You’re up,” Apollo said as he closed the door behind him. He placed the bag of muffins on the unmade bed and then made his way over to Isaac. First he set one of the cups of coffee down on the desk to Isaac’s right and then he used his free hand to his advantage. He ran his fingers across Isaac’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I brought coffee and muffins. My friend’s roommate works at a cafe in town and all I hear is about how magical his baked goods are.” He bent down, kissing Isaac’s temple lightly. “I got a blueberry muffin and a french toast muffin. I figured we could split both of them. I’m not sure what the french toast muffin is going to be like but it was the special of the day.” 

Isaac grew to know how to speak to Apollo. Most would have said that was a waste of time. Tip toeing around someone was never the way to be but Isaac couldn’t help but feel there was more than what Apollo presented to the world. He’d been lucky enough to see it on more than one occasion. Tonight had been different and a part of Isaac stupidly assumed it was just for him but as their night progressed he’d realized it wasn’t just for him. It was for them. That had never been a thing before, them. At least to Isaac it hadn’t been but that was rapidly changing. What had caught him off guard the most was that this entire thing, though initiated by Isaac had been carried by Apollo. They were laying in one another’s arms because he’d asked to be taken home. 

And even now, laying with him like this … it was beyond his wildest dreams. Just the feelings the other was putting off had Isaac in a sort of dream-like state. Had this been any other night he’d have questioned the entire ordeal but he wanted this. He wanted so badly to believe that Apollo was capable of this, on his own. And he was proving him right. What he’d underestimated was his response to all of it. It was all he’d thought of when the Lion was concerned. Just being with him was more than he could have imagined. Even though it was difficult, seemingly impossible some days, it was so sweet when it finally came. 

…. did …. did he just …. did he say that?

The words stopped him in his very state. He’d never been told that before. Not by someone that he was seriously interested in as more than … well that wasn’t important. He almost thought it was a slip of the tongue but Apollo hadn’t pulled away. No his fingers were curled in Isaac’s hair and his breath was still against his skin. It felt like a lifetime had passed by in a matter of seconds but they were still both there. Still entangled with one another and he couldn’t say that he didn’t feel the very same way. He’d felt it for a while. All of these feelings for this man in his arms were overwhelming but now …. now there was something to classify them all into. A single word that carried more weight than the letters that made it up. 

Isaac slowly pulled his face back, Apollo’s breath on his cheek until their eyes met. He knew he’d meant it. Knew it was absolutely true as they looked at one another. It wasn’t going to be easy, it hadn’t been so far and he didn’t care to delight in misconceptions about a happily ever after with this man but they knew how one another felt. And it was a start. A small smile pulled on the Slytherin’s face and he’d brought his hand up to cup Apollo’s, thumb lightly stroking along the bone of his cheek. “I lo'e ya too, Apollo.” He spoke softly, feeling his whole body erupt in a sheet of goose bumps. It was easier to say than he’d anticipated. And while that didn’t clarify what they were, they were still them. He wasn’t quite sure that any sort of label would fit them necessarily. 

Without hesitation, Isaac leaned in and kissed those lips with a feeling he wasn’t quite sure he could describe. Happy but still confused, he let himself forget the rest of it for the night. Those words and those feelings were floating around the two of them and Isaac just wanted to enjoy it tonight. There were plenty of other things to tear it down but tonight? Tonight they could be real and left intact. “I … “ Isaac just smiled, wider than he’d ever felt himself do so. He didn’t know what to say. Couldn’t quite put those feelings into words. And instead of trying to bumble himself through a sentence or two, the Slytherin opted for pulling in the Lion for a soft but strong kiss. “You li’e keepin’ me o’ my toes, huh?” Their brows pressing in on one another’s and his arm wound all the way around Apollo, hugging him tightly. As if he were trying to push everything he’d felt into this man. And he truly was. Though he wasn’t entirely sure why it felt as though Apollo were doing the same thing back. 

Don’t fixate, just enjoy this. 

Apollo had thought a lot about his life. He spent hours upon hours trying to figure out how to save himself from the life he was destined to live. Then eventually he gave up. He convinced himself that he was okay with marrying someone he couldn’t love. He convinced himself that he was okay with affairs in dark closets. Never seeing the same guy twice. He was okay with keeping that part of himself locked away because he was supposed to. He was a Maddox after all. There were great plans in place for him and screwing it up wasn’t an option. 

But laying here with Isaac and saying those words...Apollo couldn’t pretend that he was okay with his future. He wanted something different. He wanted to be with Isaac. He didn’t want to marry her and he wanted to find a career that fit him, not his father. He thought about it. How could he not? The two of them, plus Milo, finding a small apartment. One that was so small they’d stumbled and bump into each other. Isaac would open his store and Apollo would...he would find the path he wanted to be on. It was a nice thought but it was just that. A thought. 

He never thought he’d tell someone he loved them and meant it. Apollo certainly never believed that someone would tell him that they loved him and meant it. But here they were, laying in each other’s arms and whispering those words to each other. It was perfect. It was fleeting. But it was theirs and he loved every second of it. 

“I just wanted to be honest,” Apollo shared after their lips parted and he rested his forehead against Isaac’s. “Sometimes I get so tired of pretending. That’s not what I want to do when I’m with you.” He closed his eyes and kissed Isaac’s top lip. “You told me once that you only want me to be myself. You’re the first person who has ever wanted that for me. I don’t know who I am most of the time because I’m always trying to be someone I’m not. But I’ve figured it out.” Apollo sighed against Isaac’s lips and opened his eyes, immediately catching the Slytherin’s gaze. “In this room with you is when I get to be myself completely. And you deserve to know that I’m completely in love with you.” 

He paused to catch his breath. Honestly, it was probably the longest Apollo had ever talked. Usually Isaac did most of the talking with Apollo chiming in with monosyllabic reply every now and there. Maybe it was the potion or maybe he really was just done pretending to be the perfect son. Apollo wouldn’t be able to tell until he was sober. But now...right now he was riding the high and ready to take on the world with Isaac.

The back and forth from this one was more than he’d expected tonight. At least that part of him was still the same. He didn’t know what was going on or if this was truly what Apollo was thinking and it was enough to drive him mad. Or so he’d thought. What came next left Isaac completely and utterly beside himself. There was a part of Isaac that had long waited this Lion to embrace everything he was offering. But what was going to happen when he did? What did that mean for them? If anything at all. It was so very difficult to decipher what things meant when it came to this man but it wouldn’t deter Isaac. No matter how much it should, he was stubborn enough to know that even if those feelings were all muddled up; they were real.

He stayed quiet for just a moment, allowing everything to sink in that he’d just said. Their eyes met and Isaac felt that vibration in his chest again. It was everything he wanted to hear and more. Mostly because those feelings that he’d spoken of were very much mirrored back for Apollo. Isaac had been crazy about him for months. It’d been cemented that night of their fight at the club. Though he’d known he cared for him before that, knowing that it wasn’t just him feeling this made all the difference. And that small waiver in his voice was all he needed to know that it was as genuine as that night. “’m no’ goin’ anywhere, Apollo.” He spoke smoothly, shifting his head slightly closer to the other’s. 

Looking into his eyes, Isaac couldn’t tell if it were fear or sadness, happiness or a mixture of all of those and then some. What he did know was that it was refreshing. And before he got too ahead of himself, Isaac knew he couldn’t count on this sort of display morning, noon and night. That wasn’t the sort of man Apollo was. That was something Isaac had figured out how to be okay with. Not everyone was raised as he was. Not even so much that he was but he knew there things Apollo just couldn’t help. It was never a deal breaker. Not for Isaac, anyway.

“I don’ expec’ thin’s to be perfec’. I don’ wan’ ya to be anythin’ but who ya wanna be.” And that was true. There were moments when he’d wished things were different. That Apollo and he were more forthcoming but as he’d been warned before today. Things in England, particularly where it concerned pureblood families were different. Would it have made a difference that his father was also of the same stature? He very seriously doubted it. Especially … well he wasn’t certain that his being a veela was something to bring up with his parents. If … did this mean he’d meet them? Stop it. You’ll give yourself a nosebleed.

Isaac slowly rolled onto his side and propped his head up with the other hand. Watching Apollo’s chest rise and fall with his breath was more than soothing. If he was being honest … this was probably the most hopeful he’d felt in a long time. Slowly the Slytherin bent in and kissed the corner of the Lion’s mouth. The tip of his nose slowly moving along his cheek bone. “I don’ wan’ ta be anotha burden to you. I jus’ wan’ to enjoy you …. and our time together.”  

He didn’t talk much. A part of that was because Apollo had been raised to play a certain role. He was raised to  be quiet and listen. People who talked a lot missed things. People who were silent saw everything. Was that something his father had taught him? Or had it been his grandfather? He couldn’t remember. Talking too much has always been a weakness in the Maddox household. Loose lips let secrets slip. And that household had plenty of secrets to keep locked away. Admitting that Isaac was the foundation of his happiness was supposed to be a happy moment. But to Apollo it was another reminder of why he would always be a disappointment to his family. 

Apollo wished it didn’t matter what his family thought of him. But it did. The sacred promise burned into his forearm was a reminder of why he had to care. If he didn’t marry her, he would die. As much as he loved Isaac, and he did love Isaac an awful lot, Apollo knew it was doomed. Which is what made moments like this so complicated. He was happy and sad. He was in love and heartbroken at the same time. It was horrible to have so many contradicting emotions running through his body all at once but he took it as well as he could. Because seeing that fucking smile on Isaac’s face was worth all the pain that would come later. 

“I know you’re not going anywhere.” Apollo would go when the time came. How could he fight against the inevitable? No one could change things for him. No one could save him. It was funny. Hilarious actually that he was in Gryffindor. There wasn’t a shred of bravery in his bones. 

Hearing Isaac tell him that he only wanted him to be himself was a double edged sword. He wanted so desperately to be himself but he couldn’t. Only behind closed doors could he truly be Apollo Maddox. Only Isaac got to see the real version of himself and the Slytherin didn’t even realize it. Sometimes Isaac spoke as if he knew the situation Apollo was in. The Gryffindor doubted that. He knew if Isaac knew his secrets that he wouldn’t stay around. Who would? He wondered, often, what Isaac knew or what he thought. What things does Isaac tell himself when Apollo refuses to go out in public with him? When the only time he acts out was in another country? Maybe Isaac was being honest. He didn’t care about them being perfect. Maybe he could settle for...this. 

But was that fair?

Apollo turned at the feeling of lips against the corner of his mouth. He leaned in, feeling the scruff of Isaac’s chin against his face and he sighed to cover up the tremble in his voice. None of this was fair. And maybe he couldn’t fight against his future but at least he had the present. 

He tickled Isaac’s earlobe with his lips, his hand wrapping around the man and his fingers tangling in his soft curls. “I love you, Isaac,” Apollo whispered the words and was surprised at how easily they fell from his lips. And after saying it once, he found himself wanting to see it again and again and again…

Upon first look at Apollo, you wouldn’t think the things that bothered him were really bothersome. However, if you took the time to get to know that man. Truly see him for who he was, they’d start to make sense. Isaac couldn’t say that he understood all of this, or any of it in some cases. But it didn’t stop him from trying. Most would say his was an idiot. His mother certainly had no problem doing so when it came to this man but he didn’t listen. He couldn’t. Not when Apollo looked at him like that. Not when he’d touch him in the way he had. There was just a lot to look at when it came to Apollo Maddox and Isaac was fairly certain he was becoming an expert of sorts. As well versed as Apollo would allow him to be.

Isaac kept his eyes following the Lion until he’d disappeared into the bathroom and the Slytherin could take a breath. There were some times when he’d forgot that was something he had to keep doing at some points. Especially when those points included the other man. He just couldn’t put his finger on it. He couldn’t understand what they were doing but more so why tonight had felt so vastly different. Even to when they’d first started … well, seeing one another. Were they seeing each other? He supposed that’s what it’d be called. Isaac hadn’t dared to look at another person in any light but that of a friend since Easter. 

He’d closed his eyes, letting the music try and relax his mind while he wanted for the Lion to come join him once again. There were too many thoughts going around in his head for it to be good. More importantly, he’d just wanted to linger in this feeling they seemed to be giving one another tonight. 

His lashes fluttered open at the sound of the wood on wood contact. Though he didn’t look over at him just yet, Isaac felt much better once that familiar weight was returned to his side. Isaac’s hand coming round, rubbing Apollo’s neck as he’d given him the softest kisses to his own. He could have just melted into this man behind him and that would have been enough for Isaac. He sighed softly, forcing himself to turn back and look at that goofy man he’d become so smitten by. He’d smiled and taken a better look at him all clean and fresh now. Apollo smelled like Isaac but there was still enough to know it wasn’t exactly it. As Isaac looked onto his face it felt … well he couldn’t quite put his finger on it at that moment. “I always miss ya whe’ ya no’ close.” He’d spoken before he’d realized he was even saying it. He couldn’t be sure if that was honestly what he’d intended to say or if he were just so surprised how well that shower seemed to calm Apollo down. 

Remarkable ... maybe he’d have to try this a little more often.

“Tell me wha’ ya thin’in’.” He asked softly, letting his curls lay to the side as he’d settled in to looking at Apollo. Isaac let his hand come back down, laying on top the other’s before he’d laced their fingers. “I feel li’e we’ve … li’e we’ve go’e through fifty yea’s i’ one nigh’. Li’e ….” He settled into the pillow once more, letting his head tip back and Isaac closed his eyes. The music and the feeling of all of this was more than he’d ever thought he’d get to experience with this man. How they hadn’t remained just fuck buddies was beyond Isaac’s comprehension but he was aching for whatever this was. “Li’e … I dunno. I’s diffen’. An’ I …. I don’ ha’e i’.”

Isaac cleared his throat, shifting slightly and he’d brought their hands up to his chest. The feeling of Apollo was so overwhelming right then he wasn’t sure what to do. He was happy. They both were and all Isaac could do was smile. Smile and squeeze that man’s hand to his contentment. His cheek rubbed the pillow case and he felt his toes tapping the bed and Apollo’s leg to the beat of the music and he’d whispered without thinking. “Wonda i’ this ‘s wha’s li’e.”

This felt right. Laying in Isaac’s bed, arms wrapped around each other and the feeling of soft kisses against bare skin, felt right. This was what he wanted every night. He wanted Isaac. He wanted Isaac to be his boyfriend and he wanted to hold his hand out in public. He wanted the two of them to get an apartment off campus and live together. He yearned for this kind of future with the man. It wasn’t just the potion making him think this way. He wanted all of that with Isaac. The potion just allowed to think about this kind of future without completely melting with fear. 

Apollo reached to touch Isaac’s soft locks.  He twirled a curl around his finger and thought about the question. “What I’m thinking?” He whispered, stalling. There were times like this when Apollo felt like he was two different people. There was the more reserved, cold version of Apollo who didn’t need anyone. It was who he was before he had met Isaac. It was getting harder and harder to hold onto that version of himself. Not that he really wanted to but if he was going to survive he’d have to play that role. “I was thinking about how you have better water pressure here than I have in Gryffindor.” Cass’ potion allowed Apollo to be different. More open and comfortable. It didn’t change how he felt. That was all genuine. It just allowed him to act upon his true feelings. Cass’ potion made him warm and allowed him to let go of the bullshit in his life. It was an addiction. A crutch. But he really fucking needed it. 

He listened to Isaac speak and felt his heart thud against his chest as if it were trying to escape from his body. He had felt the difference too. Isaac’s actions tonight had been romantic and sweet. Usually that sort of thing never sat well with Apollo but he had enjoyed himself this evening more than he had expected. He dropped the lock of hair he had been playing with and moved his hand down the side of Isaac’s neck slowly. His tongue felt loose but he didn’t care. He wanted to be honest. Completely honest with Isaac about what he had been thinking about the entire night. He wanted to give Isaac something in return instead of just taking like he usually did. 

“I’m thinking about a lot of things,” Apollo replied as he rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. “I’m thinking about how I agree with what you said about tonight.” Apollo was different tonight, which is what he assumed Isaac was referring to without actually saying it. He was different because it was the first night he spent with Isaac on Cass’ potion. He could feel the anxious thoughts creeping back in his head. What if Isaac liked him more when he was on the potion versus being sober? What did that mean for him? How long could he hide this from Isaac? But as quickly as those thoughts took over, Apollo felt the effects of the potion pulling it back. Until he was back to feeling soft and happy.

Something felt insanely different about them tonight. Apollo especially. He seemed … more alive than he had …. well, since they’d come across one another that night in the maze. This wasn’t like when they’d gone to Australia either. Not when Apollo seemed completely free of care. This was somewhere in-between. wavering, like usual, but not as intense. And he couldn’t say it was bad. It was just different. Things with Apollo were hardly ever the same twice but this still gave him pause. It gave him a moment to think. That maybe … he wasn’t alone in looking at what they’d been doing. 

Please don’t be that stupid, Isaac. Please.

Isaac nodded to Apollo’s request, holding him close with one arm and he’d held his hand out for their belongings. “O’ course.” He’d whispered the spell quietly, his finger tips lightly rubbing along the other’s back and he’d kissed his shoulder lightly. The promise of a full night with this man was far too good to pass up. Though that meant Milo spending the night alone, something told him he’d be forgiven by the little feline in time. After all, he couldn’t possibly enjoy sharing that bed with the two of them. Especially … well, that was plenty of reason to not feel so badly about it then. 

The fabric and leathers settled in his hands as best they could and Isaac pressed his cheek against Apollo’s. “Co’e o’.” He smiled and with a quickness the two were plucked from that cool water literally into thin air. 

Isaac’s feet touched down on the hardwood floor, sending him forward slightly a little at the weight of Apollo still with his limbs wrapped around his body. A soft chuckle left his lips as he’d finally regained his balance despite his wet feet and the man. “The’e we go.” He smiled, kissing Apollo’s cheek softly as he’d moved to set their clothing down by the end of the bed and then the man in his arms. His arms unwinding from Apollo and he slowly pulled back enough to get himself sorted out and to cast the windows open a bit. “Much betta.” He smiled and turned for his dresser to grab them both something dry to wear. 

It was odd how natural all of this felt to Isaac. Though it wasn’t the first time Apollo had worn his clothes, it’d been clear at that time that he thought he didn’t want it to be the last time. He’d turned back to the Lion, laying a dark pair of shorts over his shoulder. “Showa’s ready ‘f ya wan’ one.” He’d offered, pulling on his own pair before he’d let himself roll onto his bed and groaned out. It felt good to finally relax and as he looked back at Apollo, he’d felt it all over again. His fingers strummed along his stomach and he’d moved his head to get a better look at him. “Turn tha’ speaker o’ by’ hurry u’ an’ co’e he’e.” He smiled, holding his hand out, wiggling his fingers as if to will the other to him faster. He wasn’t sure what was going on tonight but all he did know was that Apollo being away from him much longer was going to actually cause him physical pain. Well, not exactly but it felt like it. 

“Co’e.” He called again softly but more needy, turning onto his side, watching Apollo’s back and every part of him a little more carefully. Damn him.

He was quiet as Isaac charmed their belongings into his grip. He was quiet as they were ripped from the comfort of the water surrounding them and returned to Isaac room. A part of Apollo felt uncomfortable by his display of weakness. He had asked Isaac to take him home and the first place Isaac thought of was his dorm room. He hated that Isaac’s dorm brought him comfort. He hated that this dorm room felt more like a home than any other place he had stayed in including his own. 

Apollo untangled himself from Isaac and took in the room slowly. It looked the same. Like a chaotic mess but there was no doubt in his mind that the Slytherin knew exactly where everything was. The plants looked the same. Green and growing. Maybe Isaac had added a few. Apollo wasn’t sure. He heard Isaac talking in the distance and Apollo nodded out of habit but he couldn’t have repeated what the other man had said. The Gryffindor was trying to fight the need to panic and bolt. Maybe it was the display of stars tonight or the music or even swimming in the lake together. All of it had been romantic. Too romantic. He had never experienced anything like that before. And he kept going back to that moment where he cooed ‘take me home please’ and Isaac had brought him here. 

He was panicking. 

Did he really think of Isaac’s place as his home? 

“Shower’s good,” Apollo whispered because talking any louder would risk Isaac hearing the shake in his voice. He needed...something to take the edge off. Cass’ potion.  

Apollo gripped Isaac’s clean clothes in one hand and moved towards the end of the bed where his clothes laid. He shifted through the pockets until his fingers nudged the vial. He tucked it into the palm of his hand and grabbed his wand between two fingers. “Won’t be long,” Apollo stated with more strength this time as he leaned over the bed and affectionately ran his free hand down Isaac’s leg. Then he quickly moved towards the bathroom, stopping only for a moment to turn on the speaker as Isaac had requested. The melody that played wasn’t something Apollo could place but it was something he enjoyed. Honestly the only time he ever listened to music was when he was with Isaac. 

He slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Apollo didn’t waste any time before turning on the shower head. He dropped the clothes and his wand onto the floor and then leaned against the wall, twirling the vial between his fingers. He shouldn’t but he wanted to. He shouldn’t but he knew he was going to anyways. It felt like someone else was popping open the vial and it felt like someone else was pouring two drops of the contents into his mouth. Apollo knew he had a problem when it came to anything that helped make his life a little easier. He knew that if Isaac knew he was in the bathroom taking potions to feel better that it wouldn’t go over very well. But didn’t Isaac’s powers do the same thing for Apollo? Was it really any different in the end?

The shower didn’t take long. Just enough to rinse off the lake water and it was a good excuse to use Isaac’s soap and shampoo. When he stepped out, he cast a drying spell over himself and tugged on the clothes the Slytherin had given him. Once Cass’ potion was safely tucked away in the pockets of the shorts he was now wearing, Apollo made his way out of the bathroom and rejoined Isaac in the bedroom. And he was feeling much, much better now. Ready to enjoy the rest of the night with his lover.

From the moment they’d met, Isaac knew this was never going to be what he’d pictured any relationship to be. It was never a bad thing in his mind. No, Apollo Maddox was a very unique case and he knew it before they’d even got to know one another. There were still a lot of closed doors and things he had not a single ounce of knowledge about but they’d made progress. From that night at the bar, they’d been miles away from where they’d landed that night. Isaac couldn’t shake him. Couldn’t shake how he’d made the Slytherin felt, the way he’d made him second guess damn near every one of his instincts. 

Isaac nodded at the question, “Yeah.” He spoke softly, watching the water beads from this skin roll onto Apollo’s chest in the moon light. “When ya come ba’ dow’ wi’h me I’ll show ya.” It wasn’t a secret but it felt good that someone knew something special about him. “An’ we ca’ share Milo. No’ sure I coul’ divide my attentio’ between mo’e tha’ two of ya.”

He knew he’d pushed it and he’d fully expected Apollo to respond they way he had. Actually the offer of sex wasn’t something he’d expected but he’d take it nonetheless. For now this could be okay. The sneaking around and the little fibs he kept bringing in to the air around them. Isaac wanted so desperately to just shake it from him, rattle the truth of what they were or weren’t right out of him. But that wasn’t Apollo and Isaac had no right to change him. It became a matter of what he was willing to put up with to keep the Lion in his life.

For now, this was how they were going to work. Isaac could be okay with that, for a while anyway.

“Na’ed an’ sweaty, huh?” His front teeth digging into his lower lip as the other teased him. His toes digging into the sand and material beneath him as he clutched onto the other tightly. It wasn’t fair the effect he’d had over him and he Isaac couldn’t say he hated it. If nothing else …. it was a taste of his own medicine for once. He knew in the back of his head the longer he’d allow things like this to go on the worse it was going to hurt but how could he tell this man no? Maybe things could be different, if he just let Apollo come to him instead then maybe …. They already had an amusing track record of not being able to keep away from one another. He had to trust Apollo with something.

Isaac’s hands came up the other’s back and he’d held him closer against his chest. “I’ tha’s where ya wan’ ta be ….” He trailed off as he tucked into Apollo’s neck, kissing up to the soft spot under his ear. “All ya gotta do is say so.” 

When you come back down. 

When you come back down with me. 

The words echoed in Apollo’s mind. The mention of future plans caused a swell of warmth that blossomed through his stomach. Apollo was torn between liking that feeling and hating it. He liked it because he finally understood what people meant when they mentioned feeling butterflies in the pit of their stomachs. He hated it because he knew the chances of him getting to go back to Australia with Isaac were slim to none. Not with the promise he had made after his return from the first trip. His arm burned as if to remind himself of that very promise. 

He thought about being in Australia again with Isaac. Everything had been easier there. He didn’t have to worry about his obligations or promises. There was just him, Isaac, and the ocean. He thought about how it would feel to wake up in Isaac’s bedroom again. The sun streaming in through the balcony doors and feeling strong arms wrapped around him. It felt like it had been in a different life time when he first experienced all of that with Isaac. He wanted to be there again so badly. Isaac had a way of painting such a pretty picture that had Apollo wanting more. 

“Naked and sweaty,” Apollo confirmed after he dragged himself back to reality with a promise to himself that he would try to make it to Australia again with Isaac. He shivered as Isaac’s hands trailed along his back and he pressed in closer until there was hardly any space between them. A soft gasp fell past his lips when he felt the tickling sensation of the other’s lips on his neck. He wanted nothing more than this. This right here with the man in his arms. Why did it have to be so complicated? Couldn’t he just be in love and carefree? 

Stop. 

He didn’t want to waste the time they had worrying about the end. They didn’t have forever but as long as Apollo continued to be careful they could still have the present. And he planned on taking full advantage of whatever sort of time they had. 

“I’ did.” Isaac smiled, basking in the wake of a sweet kiss. Tonight was something different. It wasn’t like most their other nights together and he couldn’t say he hated how it felt. And especially how Apollo felt. 

Isaac pulled Apollo back to him and shook his head, sighing heavily as if it were really a chore. Though he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d tell him. There were little things of course, like Apollo had given him and then there were more serious things to consider. He wasn’t entirely sure what was appropriate but he figured if he could get him out here tonight then anything was on the table. “Well.” He spoke, his tongue clicking another second longer. “’m actually quite fon’ o’ ballroom dancin’. ’m absolute shit at i’ bu’ still love ta take a dip ‘roun’ the roo’ e’ery once i’ a while.” Realizing that wasn’t exactly something deep and profound, he cleared his throat and instead tucked into Apollo’s neck. 

He just let his forehead press against the other’s skin and let the blush of embarrassment get lost between their skin. “An’ when I was small I use ta ha’e a collection o’ bir’ feathers.” His finger tips gently across either side of Apollo’s back, pulling him closer to the Slytherin. “Couldn’ ha’e a pe’ so I use ta co’e up wi’h stories ‘bou’ ‘em when I picked ‘em up.” He’d actually never told anyone else about that before. His mother was cruel in her manner of teaching how to respect all living creatures and he’d tucked that memory away a long while ago. Figured it was just a little kid thing. Isaac pressed a light kiss against the other’s skin and pulled back to look at him again. 

The smile returned easily. It was hard for him to linger in sadness in front of Apollo. At least he could mask it a little easier tonight than most nights. “’spose tha’ may ha’e somethin’ ta do wi’h my lack o’ patience.” He teased and attempted to turn the conversation back from himself. Isaac knew Apollo could deflect until the break of dawn if need be. So he’d decided it best to throw a curve ball. He loves this sort of thing. “Where do ya see you’self a year fro’ now?” He asked softly. It was just a general question but one that he was curious to see what the other would cook up. The darkness Apollo held made it hard sometimes to tell when he was putting on a show for Isaac’s sake and when he really meant things. The feelings coming off in waves from the other were too strong not to tempt.

It was probably foolish of him to consider doing something but he couldn’t help himself. Not when he had this man in his arms. Not when he’d finally gotten a chance to be with him and just him. 

“Ballroom dancing?” Apollo repeated with a frown. Just the term ‘ballroom dancing’ sent Apollo back years into his youth where he had been forced to learn. He had hated it, of course. Mostly because it was a requirement of him and because he was awful at it. He could never get the flow of the moves down just right and it frustrated the fuck out of him. His peers made jokes about him having two left feet and Apollo went with it because the truth was so much worse. He couldn’t concentrate when his eyes would occasionally drift to the other boys dancing with the girls. He would try and try and try to keep his gaze on the girl holding his hand and moving in step with him. It was nearly impossible but he had done it.

Of course he had. What other choice did he have? 

He shook the memory from his mind and the tint of a blush spread across his cheeks when he realized he had lost himself in the past. “I can’t imagine you ballroom dancing,” Apollo commented honestly. But the idea of Isaac being bad at something was far too tempting to pass up. It irritated him sometimes that the other male seemed disgustingly good at everything. “Maybe one day you can show me.” He felt a warm, tingly feeling in the pit of his stomach. The sudden image of Apollo and Isaac dancing under the lights Isaac was known for casting…

Suddenly, Apollo felt the pressure of Isaac’s forehead against his skin and he quickly brought his hand up to the back of the other’s head, tangling in his fingers into the wet locks of hair. “Do you still have the collection?” Apollo hadn’t been allowed animals either growing up but it hadn’t bothered him all that much. The things he tended to love ...well...he didn’t want to go there. “Have you ever thought about getting a pet now that you’re not at home? I mean, your mum can’t really tell you ‘no’ right? And if she does, who cares? You’re an adult.” He rubbed at the back of Isaac’s head, feeling a flare of anger at Isaac’s mother for her rules that clearly hurt Isaac to some degree. “But if you don’t want to risk it we can have shared custody of Milo.” 

The smile that graced Apollo’s lips didn’t last long. How could it with Isaac’s next question? A year from now, if he was lucky, he would still be stalling a wedding. His wedding. If he was lucky, in a year, he would still be with Isaac. He’d still be at school studying. But Apollo knew that his father was growing impatient and more suspicious. He was running on borrowed time and it hurt. But looking at Isaac, Apollo couldn’t break the news to him. He was going to continue to be selfish and keep the man to himself.