last week i did end up talking to my therapist about my grief for my sibling, and she validated that my experience was very much like grieving a death. Specifically she pointed out that it was like grieving for someone who killed themself, because it’s all the sadness and emptiness of losing them but you’re also mad because they caused this. this is because of their own actions, the person you love is the one who ripped the person you love out of your life.
that was strangely comforting to hear. that i’m allowed to compare the loss of my sibling to the death a loved one. i mourned them, and that was not easy to do, but i survived it, and my apathy toward rekindling a relationship in the place of one i already irreparably lost is understandable (and pretty reasonable, all things considered).
Anyway, i think i’m just making this post so that there’s some record of when and how i started feeling peace about this.
