Not to sound too millennial but who the fuck would get off a plane to their dream job in Paris for Ross fucking Geller

Being by yourself is always a better option than being devalued.

“sSTOP IT. ”

Let’s all take a moment and thank biology that our internal organs don’t itch.

Fun fact: digestion is actually really painful but your brain just tells you it’s fine the same way it tells you not to bite off your fingure even though you can

that’s… frustrating

Hey quick question why the FUCK doesn’t it do that for menstrual cramps

so in horror movies where flat tires stop people from running away…you can still drive with flat tires. it damages the tires and the wheels, and it’s not safe at high speeds, but you can still drive away from a raving serial killer. pro tip next time a knife wielding lunatic comes at you get in the car, you’ll be fine

well this would have been useful last night

See this is where people make the mistake. If the knife maniac is running straight at your car, SLAM it into reverse. You probably won’t kill them but you might cause some damage. Then drive. They’ll be stopped and you can get away, and maybe they’ll even be at the same spot to call the cops (and maybe the ambulance) on

what a top notch addition to an already excellent post

are we going to ignore the guy who apparently had an encounter with a serial killer last night

they lived to post about it, it’s fine

Not to sound cocky as shit but I’m a fucking good person with a big heart and I deserve a lot more than the shitty hand that life has dealt me this far

So many people confuse being irresponsible with being fun and having self-control with being boring

Piping hot tea because some of y'all really think it’s cute to be out here casually ruining your health and lives

i feel like the government has tried to erase all my memories of these

self driving cars aren’t even hard to make lol just program it not to hit stuff