come on a walk with me

the ezra miller stuff is so disappointing. there seems to be such a huge discrepancy between the things ezra says and the person ezra seems to want to be vs the person that ezra is rn. just reading some of the things they've said... there's so much trauma there and they're clearly highly emotionally dysregulated. the whole idea of there being a monumental gap between what u see yourself as/who u want to be vs who u are is literally my worst nightmare so i guess its just bringing out some strange feelings bc i cant help but personalize it

literally about to buy a francis bacon miniskirt?! happy birthday to meeeee

"Similar to relaxation training, hypnotherapy induces an altered state of consciousness guided by a hypnotherapist that focuses the individual’s attention to alter his or her experience of pain." literally the link between pain, psychological states, and the subconscious is so undeniable yet so hard to quantify that we're left here in awe of our own minds and bodies and how little we truly "understand"

out of all the guys ive had a romantic thing with or have dated or really just people in my life in general, its only with 2 that i felt and still feel like we were the same person. and not necessarily in hindsight, but while we were together, within our differences (not despite), there was a moment where i realized we were the same person. i mean this spiritually, not in the sense of having things in common. this thought and feeling was accompanied by an unwavering certainty and emotional calmness that is so against the grain of what i normally experience when in a rship or into someone. ive been obsessed with loss my entire life, always subconsciously and then very much consciously in my 20s. if i am these people, if they're me, what was lost when they no longer were a part of my life in the 3d world as we know it

listening to "texture bowl 2" and filing my nails. spent $90 on shoes that retail for $400+, thinking about asking a friend to go to the yves tumor show next week, going to braid my hair later tonight, about to clean the hardwood floors

Woman in the bathroom stall next to me just said "i am still urinating. Thats crazy"