Antifa Head Office

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT:

The following month, another alleged antifa threat, even wilder than the others, found its way to the Skagit County Sheriff, documents show. In this case, it involved two overturned port-a-potties in a gravel pit near a boat launch in Concrete, Washington.

One of the port-a-potties had been spray painted with the acronym “ACAB,” short for “all cops are bastards.” The other was tagged with an A in a circle, an anarchist symbol. But where some observers might have seen common vandalism symbols, the tipster who photographed the port-a-potties saw something more ominous—maybe even part of a plot to blow up a dam.

“Looks like Antifa has been up to Lake Shannon,” the tipster wrote in an email that was forwarded to the Skagit County Sheriff. “That’s incredibly worrisome. The anarchy symbol, ‘ACAB’ (all cops are bastards)… that’s an Antifa signature. Too close to town, for sure… but really worrisome when you consider Antifa is now using explosives in cities, organizing with firearms, and… by being at the lake, they were right next to the dam. Just sayin’. Can'tbe [sic] too careful, you know? Not in these times.”

A sergeant ordered the area to be monitored, claiming that anti-fascists might have previously used the gravel pit as a “training area.”

“Please be aware that there have been some antifa type graffiti at the Lake Shannon boat launch and surrounding area,” the sergeant wrote. “Please monitor the area and be careful. A few years ago we had information that some of them were using the pit for training purposes.”

Look, it’s bad enough that people are talking about ‘subpoena antifa’ but this is going too far. Antifa is a highly professional centralized organization that provides an extremely valuable public service and we need your tax dollars to do it.

Do you think Antifa protestors just show up unpaid because they think it’s the right thing to do? Do you think they sacrifice their weekend for it? Do you think they hitchhike there? Do you think they sleep on their friends’ sofa? That’s hardly realistic. We need consistent and reliable government funding for plane tickets, hotels and protesting fees in order to keep things running.

Call it ANTI-FASCIST every time.

The conversation will change I promise.

Most people hear the word antifa and don’t even register what it means and that’s a problem.

They just register it as something unfamiliar and vaguely threatening seeming.

So of course we’re not very happy with feedback like this, but unfortunately some of it does check out. Have a look at this:

The first wave of people using the word ANTIFA took place in the 1940s. Which we have been told is a time when a lot of anti-anti-fascist propaganda was taking place. Coincidence? We think not.

So maybe we should drop the word Antifa. It only has 75 years of history anyway, not that much, and how relevant can that history really be? Isn’t brand clarity more important that that? What do you think? Time for a rebrand?

If you just whisper "marx" to the poll worker they take you to a secret third room where you can cast 10 votes per person to dismantle the government

OMG

You have to vote for ANTIFA. It’s the right thing to do and also mandatory for all registered ANTIFA members.