Anthony Is Right

40 years of men releasing music at 40, one for each of my 40 years.

1. Lou Reed (received 2384 points in the Pazz & Jop poll for The Blue Mask, Legendary Hearts, New Sensations & New York) 2. Los Lobos (1606 points for How Will The Wolf Survive? & By The Light Of The Moon) 3. The Rolling Stones & Keith Richards (1442 points for Emotional Rescue, Tattoo You, Undercover, Talk Is Cheap & Steel Wheels) 4. Neil Young (1125 points for Hawks And Doves, Re*Ac*Tor and Freedom) 5. Sting & The Police (1113 points for Zenyatta Mondatta, Ghost In The Machine, Synchronicity, Dream Of The Blue Turtles & …Nothing Like The Sun) 6. John Cougar Mellencamp (1099 points for Scarecrow & The Lonesome Jubilee) 7. Neville Brothers (1029 points for Fiyo On The Bayou, Neville-ization & Yellow Moon) 8. The Mekons (972 points for Fear And Whiskey, The Edge Of The World & The Mekons Rock & Roll) 9. The English Beat (926 points for I Just Can’t Stop It, Wha’ppen? and Special Beat Service) 10. John Hiatt (903 points for Bring The Family & Slow Turning) 11. The dBs (849 points for Stands For Decibels, Repercussion, Like This & The Sound Of Music) 12. Tracy Chapman (803 points for Tracy Chapman & Crossroads) 13. Marshall Crenshaw (757 points for Marshall Crenshaw, Field Day & Downtown) 14. Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band (726 points for Doc At The Radar Station & Ice Cream For Crow) 15. The Robert Cray Band (716 points for Strong Persuader & Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark) 16. Van Morrison (670 points for Common One, Beautiful Vision, Poetic Champions Compose & Irish Heartbeat) 17. Squeeze (666 points for Argybargy, East Side Story & Sweets From A Stranger) 18. Tom Verlaine (662 points for Dreamtime, Cover & Flash Light) 19. Was (Not Was) (642 points for Was (Not Was), Born To Laugh At Tornadoes & What Up Dog?) 20. The Blasters (581 points for The Blasters, Non Fiction & Hard Line) 21. Bob Dylan (577 points for Infidels & Oh Mercy) 22. T-Bone Burnett (573 points for Truth Decay, Proof Through The Night & T-Bone Burnett) 23. Artists United Against Apartheid (569 points for Sun City) 24. Rickie Lee Jones (562 points for Pirates & The Magazine) 25. Pere Ubu (547 points for The Tenement Year & Cloudland) 26. Kid Creole & The Coconuts (542 points for Fresh Fruit In Foreign Places, Wise Guy & Doppelganger) 27. Marvin Gaye (528 points for Midnight Love) 28. Aretha Franklin (519 points for Jump To It & Who’s Zooming Who?) 29. Randy Newman (508 points for Trouble In Paradise & Land Of Dreams) 30. George Clinton & The P-Funk All Stars (500 points for Urban Dancefloor Guerrillas, Computer Games, & You Shouldn’t-Nuf Bit Fish) 31. Womack & Womack (479 points for Love Wars & Conscience) 32. Graham Parker (478 points for The Up Escalator, The Real Macaw & The Mona Lisa’s Sister) 33. Soul II Soul (460 points for Keep On Movin’) 34. Bangles (458 points for All Over The Place) 35. Dire Straits (432 points for Making Movies & Brothers In Arms) 36. Ruben Blades y Seis Del Solar (406 points for Buscando America & Escenas) 37. Ramones (405 points for Too Tough To Die) 38. John Fogerty (392 points for Centerfield) 39. James Blood Ulmer (385 points for Free Landing & Odyssey) 40. Tom Petty (381 points for Full Moon Fever) 41. Marianne Faithfull (367 points for Dangerous Acquaintances & Strange Weather) 42. Terence Trent D’Arby (356 points for Introducing The Hardline According To... & Neither Fish Nor Flesh) 43. Fine Young Cannibals (332 points for The Raw & The Cooked) 44. Steve Earle (330 points for Guitar Town) 45. Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers (324 points for Jonathan Sings!) 46. Robbie Robertson (311 points for Robbie Robertson) 47. Midnight Oil (308 points for Diesel & Dust) 48. Rick James (305 points for Street Songs) 49. Michelle Shocked (296 points for Short Sharp Shocked) 50. The Fleshtones (290 points for Roman Gods & Hexbreaker)

All artists who appeared on the Pitchfork list were disqualified from this one, even if the P&J-placing Springsteen, Costello & family Byrne albums not acknowledged by the ‘Fork would have put them in the top ten here. I also ignored solo artists birthed from acts on the new list; Thompson, Mould and Fagen weren’t really *burnt* the way Robertson was, even if Amnesia, Workbook and The Nightfly got burnt. I also ignored compilations of recordings from previous decades (i.e. Biograph) and decided the Traveling Wilburys were their own thing (I mean do you give Petty 20%? 25%?). Had I given both to Dylan, he’d be in the top ten. I assume some who voted for New Sensations voted for Mistrial in Pazz & Jop, but I don't have access to the stats for albums 41 through whatever, so I can’t factor that in.

Other eligible artists who made P&J twice in ‘80s but didn’t earn as many collective points as the Fleshtones: Don Henley, Lyle Lovett, Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians, That Petrol Emotion, Warren Zevon & Joan Armatrading.

Pt. 1 is back here. My aggressively subjective rating scale is explained here.

Its Only Rock & Roll (1974) 5

Made In The Shade (1975) 6

Metamorphosis (1975) 6

Black And Blue (1976) 5

Love You Live (1977) 4

Some Girls (1978) 8

Emotional Rescue (1980) 8

Sucking In The Seventies (1981) 5

Tattoo You (1981) 8

Still Life (1982) 3

Undercover (1983) 7

The Stones kicked off their second decade claiming It’s Only Rock & Roll, as if anyone accused Goats Head Soup of being even 50% rock & roll. IORAR did reach that modest ratio, though its rock half includes another weak stab at the Temptations and a single entendre about “balls.” The other 50% includes three songs over six minutes, climaxing with Mick Jagger’s failed audition for The Parallax View. On the bright side, Mick Taylor, frustrated the band wouldn’t give any songwriting royalties for those six-minute doozies, decided this album would be his last.

Believe it or not, the Stones were already a “catch them before they die!” live act more than forty years ago, their tours causing more excitement than concurrent albums. The ’75 US trip, with Faces guitarist Ron Wood now amiably leaning against Keith Richards, was celebrated by two compilations released on the same day. From the band came Made In The Shade, a collection of nine ‘70s singles square and true, capped with “Rip This Joint” to make fans feel dumb for not playing Exile instead. From ex-manager Allan Klein came Metamorphosis, a barrel-scraping of songwriting demos and half-finished outtakes. Neither is essential, but the latter has an eccentric charm perfect for Alex Chilton fans. Love You Live, culled in part from the jaunt, is their third live album if you want it. “It” being the sound of Mick singing before the novocaine’s worn off.

Though Wood gave the Stones two Keiths instead of two Micks, it took a while for the albums reflect this promise beyond the covers, as Black & Blue was recorded while auditioning randos across Europe. Blue remained their friskiest full-length since Exile, with Mick’s chattiness livening the ballads and the band indulging in some unprecedented, if ghoulish, genre exercises. If you can handle their reggae, you might even think it’s good. Personally, I can’t handle their reggae.

Ron officially in the mix and Keith officially not going to jail for drug crimes in Montreal, Mick’s competitive fascination with punk & disco - channelled through sessions with more band members than guest musicians - led to their most clear-headed and energetic album since Now! On Some Girls, even the Temptations cover has a kick. Mick still acts like a douche, staining Side A with a race-baiting title track and leading Side B with his Carol Burnett Show tribute. But usually he’s too busy rocking or seducing to troll. Or rather, merely troll. “Shattered” winks at cynical new wavers, pulling off a New York groove with an amused ease few twenty-somethings could manage.

The barrels and the boogies are kitschier on Emotional Rescue, but just as irrepressible. Not only can I enjoy the Mickey Mouse impersonation, I can even handle the reggae! Mick’s monologue (not just found on a track named, yeesh, “Indian Girl,” but, yeeeeesh, delivered from her POV) might be his all-time worst, but it’s thankfully buried at the end of Side A. Sucking In The Seventies isn’t a shit sandwich, but bracketing a compilation of live tracks, b-sides and abbreviations from Black And Blue with two Some Girls singles sure gives it that shape.

Tattoo You is almost as much of a hodge-podge, with Mick building melodies atop years-old outtakes so he and Keith wouldn’t have to look at each other. Be that as it may, the swaggering Side A doesn’t go through the motions so much as define them: “Start Me Up” is Mick’s most joyously straightforward lust-maybe-love song, and “Little T&A” is Keith’s. Side B is a worthy experiment in pure balladry, but “Waiting On A Friend,” a spiritual sequel to “Sitting On A Fence” where the romantic angst is replaced by equal parts fatigue and optimism, might hit harder after something brisk. Still Life is their fourth live album if you want it - “it” being the sound of Mick singing while aerobicizing.

Out of outtakes, the Stones finally faced the eighties head-on with Undercover. The singles pop with Mick’s enthusiasm for newfangled recording technology; the arresting “Undercover Of The Night” is better sell-out Gang Of Four than sell-out Gang Of Four, and “Too Much Blood” sums up American Psycho in six minutes eight years before its publication. But Mick doesn’t actually have much to say - a real issue in his impending solo career - and the band frequently gets lost in all that tech.

A little late, but I did it the last three years and don’t want to skip one.

Bon Jovi: OVERDUE. When was the last time you referenced Bon Jovi to anyone between the ages of 16 and 60 and they said “who?” You can debate whether they’re an enduring joy or excruciating cockroaches, but you can’t debate whether they’re a FAMOUS rock band, and this is a hall of FAME. How many grinning ‘80s hair-tossers could still cross over in the ‘00s, I ask you? Just these guys and the Chili Peppers, I think. And those guys are already in here. No wonder Jon’s cranky.

The Cars: What I said last year - Super-important AOR/New Wave crossover act that’s weirdly failed to endure in pop culture, possibly because they didn’t dress funny enough or have a boss logo. Last year I said “maybe next year,” and I might still say it this year. It’s fine they got in, but wouldn’t have on my hypothetical ballot.

Dire Straits: I think we should respect Mark Knopfler’s wishes and never think of this band again. 

The Moody Blues: It’s Simpsons official that these guys knock ‘em dead in Vegas, and I’m under the impression many people over 40 have had sex to “Nights In White Satin.” File with The Cars under “whatever, but not on my ballot.”

Nina Simone: Sure comes up a lot more with rock fans than anyone else who covered Gershwin in 1958. A little obscure by my standards, but a Sainted Eternal Discovery for bohemian college students, like Lou Reed or Leonard Cohen. So fine.

Sigh. Only two acts I’d put on a ballot? Let’s see who else was nominated.

Kate Bush: Down to get that Sainted Eternal Discovery nod, but she ain’t dead yet.

Depeche Mode: What I said last year - They’re due, but The Cure should beat them as far as dweeb music goes. DM is iconic, but they’re not ROBERT SMITH iconic. Also they went from Secretly Having Lots Of Sex to Clearly Having Lots Of Sex, which confuses the brand somewhat. Robert’s Robert. 

Eurythmics: Can they say Eurythmics feat. Annie Lennox? Like how “Careless Whisper” was credited in the US to Wham feat. George Michael? Combine her ‘80s with her ‘90s and that might add up to inclusion here.

J. Geils Band: What I spat last year - Give me a fucking break. I’m this close to arguing The Blues Brothers should get in first.

Judas Priest: As with Depeche Mode and the Cure, these guys are worthy but I think Iron Maiden is an even more iconic t-shirt.

LL Cool J: He’s the only working game show host with a Kennedy Center Honor. He recorded hit singles for twenty years. Everybody knows him! Let him in!

MC5: Grandmaster Flash's old group? No way.

The Meters: Nah.

Radiohead: IMMEDIATELY. THE MOST FAMOUS BAND FOR NERDS OF THEIR GENERATION, THE ULTIMATE IN MILLENNIAL ANGST COME ON LET’S NOT MAKE THE TWENTY SOMETHINGS WAIT! WHY DELAY THE INEVITABLE? Arrest Thom and drag him up on stage strapped to a gurney like Hannibal Lecter. Then make him play “Creep.” They earned it!

Rage Against The Machine: Easily the rap-rock group I can most easily see being loved by leftie firebrands and young republicans of all ages for years to come.

Rufus Featuring Chaka Khan: Didn’t they just nominate Chaka Khan last year?  This is the smartest combo for the marquee, as per my comments on The Eurythmics featuring Annie Lennox. Still think we can do better.

Sister Rosetta Tharpe: I accept on faith that she was a big deal in the late ‘30s, but I must say I haven’t personally heard about her. Feel free to blame the public education system.

Link Wray: While I think it’s shitty to only induct “singles” from acts that aren’t going to get in otherwise (they should induct “Satisfaction” or “Hey Jude” so it doesn’t look so backhanded a compliment), "Rumble” was a worthy “single” induction. 

The Zombies: As I said last year - If these guys get in before The Monkees, then the word “fame” has no meaning with these people.

Aggressively subjective rating scale explained here. I’m only reviewing the American discography, as I’m more likely to wander across these track orders in a used record bin.

England’s Newest Hitmakers (1964) 8 12X5 (1964) 7 The Rolling Stones, Now! (1965) 8 Out Of Our Heads (1965) 7 December’s Children (And Everybody’s) (1965) 7 Big Hits (High Tide And Green Grass) (1966) 8 Aftermath (1966) 7 Got Live If You Want It! (1966) 5 Between The Buttons (1967) 6 Flowers (1967) 7 Their Satanic Majesties Request (1967) 7 Beggars Banquet (1968) 9 Through The Past, Darkly (Big Hits, Vol. 2) (1969) 8 Let It Bleed (1969) 9 Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out! (1970) 6 Sticky Fingers (1971) 6 Hot Rocks 1964-1971 (1971) 6 More Hot Rocks (Big Hits & Fazed Cookies) (1972) 6 Exile On Main St (1972) 9 Goats Head Soup (1973) 5

The Rolling Stones were five kids from outside London who would mail-order albums from Chicago, play the songs at clubs, get paid and buy more. Though hard-R&B purists compared to those four kids from Liverpool, they still had cute outfits, cute haircuts and you could still dance to them. Mick Jagger, singer, was hammier and more openly erotic than any of the Beatles. Keith Richards, rhythm guitarist, was cooler. Brian Jones, lead guitarist, was also cooler (and blond). England’s Newest Hitmakers! captures their early enthusiasm, save for “Tell Me,” a juvenile original attempt at balladry that’s an eye-rolling minute longer than everything else on here (it was also their first US Top 40). 12x5 features covers both more definitive (“Time Is On My Side,” “It’s All Over Now”) and less (“Under The Boardwalk”). Now! is the party band’s last stand, as scathing, self-penned singles like “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” and “Get Off Of My Cloud” began to critically & commercially outshine their co-opts from the black hit parade. Big Hits (High Tides And Green Grass) pulls together their most potent early originals and covers, “Tell Me” buried at the bottom of side one.

Aftermath is considered a major breakthrough due to Mick & Keith writing all the material and Brian experimenting with sitars & marimbas and shit. Maybe if Mick wasn’t curious to see how much shit he could talk about women without cutting into his sex life (answer: a LOT), I might be more forgiving of the filler and trend-hopping. Got Live If You Want It! is indeed a live album if you want it. The high-strung Between The Buttons announces that they’ve heard Bob Dylan and taken LSD, but the best song is one of two jagged hops about words that rhyme with “shun.” Flowers, a grab-bag of UK album tracks and outtakes, is about as (in)consistent as anything else from this time, flinging from acoustic explorations of post-adolescent ennui like “Sittin On A Fence” to a humiliating cover of “My Girl.” The psychedelic carnival Their Satanic Majesty’s Request isn’t particularly worse than the preceding albums, but between the mounds of mellotron, insipid jams and bassist Bill Wyman getting past security for a song of his own, it was undeniable that the Stones were now following rather than leading.

Fixing that were producer/groove pocket enthusiast Jimmy Miller and Keith Richards, multi-tracking his strums and slides to new heights as Brian Jones slowly marimbas off the scene (and soon the planet). Mick Jagger is still a self-impressed shithead on Beggars Banquet, but the fuller sound inspires richer fantasies; his meta-Dylan epics, hillbilly jokes and cocksman crowing achieve a grandeur both Dionysian and well-read. Through The Past, Darkly (Big Hits Vol. 2) culls the better moments building up to this breakthrough and adds “Jumpin Jack Flash,” the droning strut of a single that announced their de-flowering. I wish the chronology wasn’t so muddled (the ’68 lightbulb keeps flicking on and off), but the US version at least sticks to ’66 and later, cutting the UK’s ’64 Arthur Alexander cover. If I have to hear “Ruby Tuesday” - a moony pixie dream mourning that makes me respect “Sweet Caroline” by default (no flute!) - this is where I’ll do it.

Let It Bleed confirms the Beggars sound as the new normal. Mick preens over the twang and chug, throwing doomsday and decadence in our faces with a giddy confidence that shook Don McLean and anyone else who remembered the Crickets. Flaunting their racial & sexual privilege, reveling in roots that weren’t really theirs, Bleed is blues-based “rock” at its best and worst, demanding you give them their due or dismiss the genre entirely. I’m docking it a point because life could still lead me to the latter option (Trump plays this shit at rallies, after all). Get Yer Ya-Yas Out!, released after the tragic shitshow that was the Altamont free festival and initially loaded with related import, is now another live album if you want it.

Everyone has their own bridge too far with these jerks - I won’t pretend to know objectively when the irony and indulgence goes from audaciously gauche to merely gross. But Mick J’s slavedriver metaphors cross my personal line on Sticky Fingers’ opening song, and new hire Mick T’s Santana-esque soloing crosses it on the longest. The rest is good-to-great blues-based arena rock, the weathered stars determined to push forth despite the horrors of Altamont and Allan Klein (the ex-manager who somehow got the rights to their entire sixties catalog as a parting gift). Toss the jam and change the “Brown Sugar” lyrics - as Mick does live - and it’s *all* good-to-great blues-based arena rock. But even without those bummers, it’d be hard for me to get too excited about the Stones pushing forth with blues-based arena rock - that’s a cheap commodity today. I wish the languid anthem “Sway” was an A-side compilation staple, though.

(Speaking of compilations, Hot Rocks is a popular sum-up of the era they accidentally sold to Klein, too succinct at 21 songs. More Hot Rocks tries to fill in the cracks with two dozen or so more, including a side’s worth of early obscurities. It’s more charming but still superfluous.)

Sticky Fingers set a template they could follow until…well, we’re still waiting to find out. Thankfully, they were initially too zonked to stick to it. Instead, these nodding tax evaders and their pals jammed and tracked and jammed and tracked in a French castle, each song’s line-up depending on who could make it in that day, with yet more overdubs thrown atop in LA. Exile On Main St. is a mix of diamond and rough they’d never be able to recreate - not the least because Jagger doesn’t get what the big deal is with this samey-sounding jamboree. I too prefer my classics short, hit-packed and sweet, but this is four luxurious sides of the Stonesiest Stones that ever Stoned: a shining swamp of sound, rich lyrical detail peeking out under the groove. Long, low on hits, but it’s hard to beat in the sweet department. 

Do you miss your personal golden age of Hollywood cinema? A wide-eyed time of excitement, artistry and emotion that - with all due respect to any readers over 70 - likely came between 1960 and 2009? Back before the screen was overrun with mindless action franchises, tiresome reboots, problematic comedies, turgid horror films and miserable prestige pieces? Or, at the very least, before those movies bothered you? This Day In Hollywood, which I started in early 2016, spotlights a film each day celebrating the anniversary of its US cinematic release, in hopes of warming your heart with sense memories of celluloid past, and contextualizing the quality of the current marketplace. To celebrate gradually having celebrated two movies for each day, I’ll be gradually compiling best-of playlists - the better to wallow in the wonders of widescreen.

Above is a compilation of trailers from films that came out in the second quarter (April 1 - June 30) of their respective years. Fans of spring sleepers and early summer blockbusters won’t want to miss it!

Bright Lights, Big City (April 1, 1988) Cop & A Half (April 2, 1993) Lost In Space (April 3, 1998) The Saint (April 4, 1997) Double Trouble (April 5, 1967) Ernest Goes To Jail (April 6, 1990) Don Juan DeMarco (April 7, 1995) Sahara (April 8, 2005) The Carpetbaggers (April 9, 1964) Sleepwalkers (April 10, 1992) Off Beat (April 11, 1986) Out For Justice (April 12, 1991) Critic’s Choice (April 13, 1963) She’s Out Of Control (April 14, 1989) Coppers & Robbersons (April 15, 1994) The Punisher (April 16, 2004) Caveman (April 17, 1981) Shark’s Treasure (April 18, 1975) Moving Violations (April 19, 1985) Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles (April 20, 2001) The Sentinel (April 21, 2006) Casual Sex? (April 22, 1988) Pushing Tin (April 23, 1999) The Soloist (April 24, 2009) Volcano (April 25, 1997) Stick (April 26, 1985) Next (April 27, 2007) Casino Royale (April 28, 1967) XXX: State Of The Union (April 29, 2005) Partners (April 30, 1982) Lords Of Flatbush (May 1, 1974) Blue City (May 2, 1986) One Good Cop (May 3, 1991) The Mummy Returns (May 4, 2001) Listen To Me (May 5, 1989) 3 Ninjas Kick Back (May 6, 1994) Joy In The Morning (May 7, 1965) Hot Pursuit (May 8, 1987) Father’s Day (May 9, 1997) Rappin’ (May 10, 1985) Delta Farce (May 11, 2007) Battlefield Earth (May 12, 2000) Friday The 13th Part VII: The New Blood (May 13, 1988) Troy (May 14, 2004) Drums Of Africa (May 15, 1963) Star Wars: Episode II - Attack Of The Clones (May 16, 2002) Flipper (May 17, 1996) Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (May 18, 1979) The Da Vinci Code (May 19, 2006) Spacehunter: Adventures In The Forbidden Zone (May 20, 1983) Sliver (May 21, 1993) Winning (May 22, 1969) The In-Laws (May 23, 2003) Spy Hard (May 24, 1996) Pearl Harbor (May 25, 2001) Boom! (May 26, 1968) The Flintstones (May 27, 1994) The Day After Tomorrow (May 28, 2004) Tammy And The Doctor (May 29, 1963) Gone Fishin’ (May 30, 1997) The Sum Of All Fears (May 31, 2002) Mr. Brooks (June 1, 2007) Corvette Summer (June 2, 1978) Psycho II (June 3, 1983) Instinct (June 4, 1999) Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams (June 5, 1961) 2 Fast 2 Furious (June 6, 2003) Perfect (June 7, 1985) Another 48 Hrs (June 8, 1990) Damien: Omen II (June 9, 1978) For The Love Of Benji (June 10, 1977) Grease 2 (June 11, 1982) Speedway (June 12, 1968) Wholly Moses! (June 13, 1980) Every Little Crook And Nanny (June 14, 1972) Butch & Sundance: The Early Days (June 15, 1979) Batman Forever (June 16, 1995) Exorcist II: The Heretic (June 17, 1977) I’ll Take Sweden (June 18, 1965) Year One (June 19, 2009) Legal Eagles (June 20, 1986) Eraser (June 21, 1996) Evan Almighty (June 22, 2007) Click (June 23, 2006) Herbie Goes To Monte Carlo (June 24, 1977) Herbie Goes Bananas (June 25, 1980) King Kong Vs Godzilla (June 26, 1983) Days Of Thunder (June 27, 1990) SPYS (June 28, 1974) Cannonball Run II (June 29, 1984) Judge Dredd (June 30, 1995)

The Dad Is Hot Tonite, Vol. 3

Click on Michael Douglas’ shades to hear twenty Top 20 hits from 1989 that featured lead singers over 40*.

Billy Joel, “We Didn’t Start The Fire” Rod Stewart, “Crazy About Her” Aretha Franklin & Elton John, “Through The Storm” Don Henley, “The End Of The Innocence” Roy Orbison, “You Got It” The Doobie Brothers, “The Doctor” Donna Summer, “This Time I Know It’s For Real” The Bee Gees, “One” Chicago, “You’re Not Alone” The Rolling Stones, “Mixed Emotions” Stevie Nicks, “Rooms On Fire” Tina Turner, "The Best" Alice Cooper, “Poison” Linda Ronstadt & Aaron Neville, “Don’t Know Much” Eddie Money, “Peace In Our Time” Poco, “Call It Love” Aerosmith, “Love In An Elevator” Cher & Peter Cetera, “After All” Joe Cocker, “When The Night Comes” Bette Midler, “The Wind Beneath My Wings”

To quote myself last year (and the year before)

The problem most people seem to have about the HoF is their blinkered vanity gets in the way of truly appreciating a band’s level of FAME. And this is the Hall Of FAME. Not the Hall Of NERDS.

Bad Brains: No! Hardcore has to go Black Flag, then Minor Threat, then maybe Bad Brains. Seriously, how many memes do you see based on Bad Brains iconography compared to Flag and Minor Threat? This is just silly.

Joan Baez: As someone in their late thirties, I think I’m too young to tell you just how famous she was in her day.

The Cars: Super-important AOR/New Wave crossover act that’s weirdly failed to endure in pop culture, possibly because they didn’t dress funny enough or have a boss logo. Last year I said “maybe next year,” and I might still say it this year.

Chic: As per 2014, Nile Rodgers definitely earns a “That Guy” trophy, and they had some big hits and there’s that bass solo people are always putting in songs, so yeah, they pass in a Bill Withers way, where you have to do some explaining but at least people are like “oh yeah, I know that stuff” rather than “hmm, I guess I should check that out” once you’ve done the explaining.

Depeche Mode: They’re due, but The Cure should beat them as far as dweeb music goes. DM is iconic, but they’re not ROBERT SMITH iconic. Also they went from Secretly Having Lots Of Sex to Clearly Having Lots Of Sex, which confuses the brand somewhat. Robert’s Robert.

Electric Light Orchestra: Like Chicago last year, this is radio fare but at level of branding and success that you have to acknowledge their FAME.

J Geils Band: Give me a fucking break. I’m this close to arguing The Blues Brothers should get in first.

Janet Jackson: As I said last year, this is the most famous person on the planet named “Janet” by a long distance. If you just said “Janet,” they’d assume you meant her.

Jane’s Addiction: I feel like the concept of “Lollapalooza” should get in first, but this does serve as a sort-of surrogate. And somehow it’s always a relatively big deal when they reunite. Once they’re in, we can’t forget to induct Sarah McLachlan before too long.

Journey: This is like ELO CUBED. If there was an online poll I think “Don’t Stop Believin’“ could well become the National Anthem. And it’s crazy how many people have acknowledged their existence as a touring and recording act post-Steve Perry.

Chaka Khan: As I said last year, it’s way more impressive to be the most famous Janet than the most famous Chaka.

Kraftwerk: As far as robot people go, Devo should get in YEARS before these guys. If they do get in, I hope they perform “Cars” just to fuck with us.

MC5: FU2!

Pearl Jam: I’m still confused how they didn’t get in last year. If 25 years is the cut-off, wouldn’t their first year of eligibility be 2016? Nirvana’s first album was 1989 and they got in 2014. As I said last year, they are the ONLY BAND that was SO REAL they had to have A CONGRESSIONAL HEARING about it (don’t come at me with Dee Snider, that wasn’t about being real).

Tupac Shakur: They should totally let him in now. It’s going to look way cooler if they don’t wait until the biopic is out.

Steppenwolf: Can we just induct “Born To Be Wild”? Or Easy Rider? As far as hard rock acts go, I think we need to acknowledge Foreigner and Bad Company before these guys.

Joe Tex: Look, I love Joe Tex. He’s a truly underrated, unique performer who made terrific music for a very long time. I just spent five dollars for a late ‘70s Joe Tex album named Rub Down. But I bet 80% of the people watching the ceremony wouldn’t blink if Garth Brooks walked up on stage and started describing the career of Tex Ritter instead. I’m mad how little love he gets from nerds, but not enough to pretend he’s FAMOUS.

Yes: I'm gradually accepting their fame, but I feel like they shouldn’t get in the same year as ELO or Journey. It's a matter of scale.

The Zombies: If these guys get in before The Monkees, then the word “fame” has no meaning with these people.

Back to pt. 1

Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 (1979) - 8 Foolish Behaviour (1980) - 7 Tonight I’m Yours (1981) - 8 Absolutely Live (1982) - 4 Body Wishes (1983) - 3 Camouflage (1984) - 5 Every Beat Of My Heart (1986) - 4 Out Of Order (1988) - 7

Decade two kicks off with a comp that catches all the mandatory setlist moments from Rod’s “I’ve lost Ron, but I’ve still got wood” period (the anachronistic presence of ”Maggie May” is the most listenable absurdity you’ll find on one of his best-ofs). It’s tempting to say it came a year too early, as Foolish Behaviour feels like the era’s last chapter. But the corny club-angst of “Passion,” Behaviour’s biggest hit, sounds best sandwiched by the brash nihilism of “Better Off Dead” and the title track, a murder fantasy as catchy as any of the Stones’, made all the more creepy/alluring by a giggly bonhomie Mick could never manage. Bizarrely, “Oh God, I Wish I Was Home Tonight,” a disarming valentine romantics could cling to as a sign of life, comes just two songs later. The B side can’t compare, but this A might be my favorite since he had Kenney and a jones.

My favorite bit of Stewart US chart trivia is that “Passion” and “Young Turks,” the sentimental climax of Tonight I’m Yours, both peaked at #5 in 1981. That Rod could have a meltdown at Studio 54 only to bop blissfully onto MTV with shimmering synth-pop in less than a year is amazing. That America took both tracks with equal enthusiasm is baffling. “Turks” and the almost unnervingly eager title track (those shrieks!) make Tonight’s more typical tracks sound, well, typical, but nothing deflates the good humor established by the album cover - a joke it took way too long for me to notice. Even the “Miss You” rewrite and the schmaltz gospel closer have a spring in their step beyond the dictates of commerce (those shrieks!).

Absolutely Live bravely tries to make a piece of Rod’s whole career, when it’s hard enough to match 1980 with 1981. But when the ballads aren’t steamrolled by the boisterous band, the endless anono-hollers from the audience do the job (I get WOOing the start of “Gasoline Alley,” but the middle?). The cover of Body Wishes is less a joke than a self-deprecating historical reference, and that’s what the album has become thirty plus years later. Despite the lack of any covers, the classic-rock and synth-rock reach Smiler levels of detachment, and Rod reaches his Old Wave nadir on a damnably po-faced rallying cry named…oof…“Ghetto Blaster.” Camouflage has feistier arrangements and better singles, but as fun as it can be to watch Rod prance around in Bad Idea Jeans, an electro-soul “All Right Now” cover is an electro-soul “All Right Now” cover. The bursts of goofiness are now a given, and where Jeff Beck was once tolerated, now he’s a breath of fresh air.

The next album was known as Rod Stewart in some places, and Every Beat Of My Heart in others, depending on whether a sticker with the name of the single was placed on the cover, which otherwise just said “Rod Stewart.” Ironically, the lyrics suffer from an excess of effort (i.e., “in a cell below the courthouse/ they beat him like a slave/ but his use of martial arts/ struck a blow for liberty”). Few call this clunky curiosity anything today, but if I must, I’ll call it Every Beat Of My Heart out of respect for whoever didn’t make a sticker highlighting “Love Touch.” Stewart/Savigar’s plodding ballad isn’t much better than Chapman/Knight’s steel-drum festooned theme from Legal Eagles, but it isn’t wrapped around the phrase “give you my love touch” (though “Heart” does have the line “seagull, carry me/ over land and sea”). Fun fact: this was produced by the guy who did Lou Reed’s Berlin, except for “Love Touch,” whose presence keeps the album from being Rod’s Berlin.

“Love Touch” wasn’t Rod’s saddest soundtrack moment, though. That would be his ‘87 cover of his ‘72 cover of Sam Cooke’s “Twistin’ The Night Away” for Innerspace. I’m impressed by any Faces fan that makes it to the belated arrival of Martin Short in the video. Not that they’ll be glad they did.

The Out Of Order singles were omnipresent at the dawn of my pop awareness, so it’s hard to say whether collaborating with The Power Station was a step out of the mid-’80s morass for Rod or just a more familiar slice of mid-’80s morass for me. But “My Heart Can’t Tell You No” still sounds like the “Missing You” sequel John Waite never gave us, “Lost In You” the romantic winner Bryan Adams forgot to put on Into The Fire and “Crazy About Her” is a beautifully batshit sax-rap about a working stiff obsessed with “the boss’ girl…OH NO!”, who runs around Central Park “with one of those Walkmans on her head.” I appreciate Andy Taylor’s gratuitous fretwork throughout.

I’ll only blog (without getting paid, anyway) decades in an artist’s discography when I’m sure at least one album is worth owning, so I’ve got to leave Rod here (though I recommend his recent autobiography, the exceptionally amiable Rod). If I had to hear a later single, it would be the Unplugged…And Seated version of “Have I Told You Lately,” a song I had no time for until I had someone I should keep telling. If forced to investigate a later album, I’d dig into the Y2K R&B lusciousness of Human, an album of songs by others no one has made famous yet. A Tom Waits cover here and a Blue Nile cover there have been enjoyable novelties, but I’m not in a rush to find out which of his many Songbooks I like best, and his new singer-songwriter albums seem like honest, if dubious attempts to reclaim the energy of his ‘80s work. I’m glad to know he’s got the content when I’ve got the time, though, and his Instagram is heartwarming. Long may he Rod.

Aggressively subjective rating scale explained here.

The Rod Stewart Album (1969) 7 Gasoline Alley (1970) 8 Every Picture Tells A Story (1971) 10 Never A Dull Moment (1972) 8 Sing It Again, Rod (1973) 6 Smiler (1974) 4 Atlantic Crossing (1975) 7 A Night On The Town (1976) 6 The Best Of Rod Stewart, Vol. 1 (1976) 4 The Best Of Rod Stewart, Vol. 2 (1976) 5 Footloose & Fancy Free (1977) 5 Blondes Have More Fun (1978) 5

As loosely detailed in the first song off his best album, football enthusiast Rod Stewart spent his late adolescence as a vagabond, studying many a music over land and sea, perfecting his tolerance level and mack game. A confident soul singer by the time he stepped into the studio, his earliest singles and sides are worth checking out once you’ve heard everything Sam Cooke and Otis Redding recorded during their brief lifetimes.

Jeff Beck – the third most famous guitarist for blooze rawk pioneers the Yardbirds – plucked Rod from obscurity to bellow on Truth, the third best album recorded in 1968 by a former guitarist for the Yardbirds. Both Led Zeppelin and the Jeff Beck Group heavied up Muddy Waters’ “You Shook Me” on their ‘68 debuts, but only the Jeff Beck Group socked it to “Ol’ Man River.”

Their second album, Beck-Ola, is a looser affair, with two rambling Elvis Presley covers bracketing a pretty piano piece on Side A; a seven-minute show-off stomp titled “Rice Pudding” on the B. Rod – when allowed to sing – sounds considerably more relaxed, maybe cuz he’d already signed a solo contract with Mercury. Despite this independent income, when Beck Group bassist Ron Wood joined the Small Faces as their new guitarist, Rod came along as their new singer. But with the Faces (no longer Small) all over Rod’s initial solo work, the distinction was almost clerical.

Rod’s debut, named An Old Raincoat Won’t Ever Let You Down in the UK and The Rod Stewart Album in the US (we don’t appreciate your pub riddles here, thank you), establishes how great a time these guys had when Beck wasn’t around. Done serving hard rock flash, Rod now demands the flash serve him – technical accuracy takes a backseat to rollicking good times and sinking his teeth into the song. The only issue is his originals aren’t up to his taste in covers, which veer from recent hits like “Street Fighting Man” to traditionals like “Man Of Constant Sorrow.” Gasoline Alley improves the cover-to-original ratio from 1:1 to 2:1, the music’s jocular grandeur boosted by mandolins and strings. The title track is Rod’s first original you’d assume came from a better; the melody is worthy of a granny on a field recording.

Oh right, The Faces. On First Step, Rod is once again the “frontperson” of a festival-bound boogie-rock combo (only one song clocks in under four minutes). The irony that he gets more songwriting credits in this role than on his own albums isn’t in itself rewarding. Long Player is more winning (their increase in confidence is right in the title), but the arrangements still suffer from blatant, extended beer breaks.

The track lengths are plenty long on Rod’s third album, too, but when Rod steps away from the mic on Every Picture Tells A Story, there’s usually a better reason than thirst. Story will go down as Rod’s aesthetic apex – music as mighty and majestic as Led Zeppelin or the Stones, with none of the self-serious preening. Show-stopping Elvis, Dylan, Tim Hardin & Motown covers share space with memoirs of young studhood both victorious (the titular travelogue) and bittersweet (“Maggie May,” a May-December tale he’ll be playing until the calendar falls off the wall). Stewart himself will tell you he doesn’t get better than “Mandolin Wind,” a genre-blurring valentine so varied and vivacious in tone it makes Van Morrison look like a try-hard. Screen legends need a couple years to show they can do it all with style – Rod did it in 40 minutes, and it made him a superstar.

The hits kept coming, with a third Faces album and Never A Dull Moment: lean, punchy affairs even shorter than Every Picture. Moment’s “Italian Girls” and “You Wear It Well” could have been named “Every Picture Tells A Story II” and “Maggie May II” but are more 22 Jump Street than The Hangover Part II – you know they know you know, so why not have fun, right? Aiming for the radio royalties Rod was enjoying, less than half the songs on The Faces’ A Pub Joke Is Funnier…If You’re Drunk hit the four-minute mark, Ironically, one of the relative epics – the boisterous, churlish come-on “Stay With Me” – wound up their only US pop hit.

The stopgap compilation Sing It Again, Rod may have its cover cut like a whiskey glass, but the ghastly orchestral cover of the Who’s “Pinball Wizard” near the end leaves a shit aftertaste (The Best Of Rod Stewart, Vol.1 gets - and stays - shittier even quicker, but Vol. 2 at least doesn’t have “Pinball Wizard”). Nothing on the last Faces album reaches four minutes, as no one in the rapidly dissolving band would return to their instrument after drinking (the fondly recalled title track was veteran wingman Ronnie Lane’s, and wouldn’t be sung by Rod until the late ‘90s). I only wish Smiler, the last solo album to feature the extended Faces family, was as expedient; the attempts at casual grandeur are embarrassing self-parodies, with “(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Man” only the most obvious. Listening to Smiler is like watching someone pretend to have a great time with their phone at a bar, refusing to admit they’ve been stood up.

Seeking new friends and associates (not to mention a more forgiving tax rate), Rod skipped off to LA and Atlantic Records. The none-more-aptly-titled Atlantic Crossing sounds best when heard after Smiler, its MGs and Muscle Shoals musicians showing a significant increase in enthusiasm & heart – sympathetic support, at least – on some juicy cover ballads, ranging from Crazy Horse to the Isley Brothers. Reassured, Rod the songwriter returns on A Night On The Town, mourning someone’s uncle (“The Killing Of Georgie (Parts I & Part II)”) and deflowering someone’s niece (“Tonight’s The Night (Gonna Be Alright)”). The downside of this confidence is his uninspired cover choices – Cat Stevens, Manfred Mann and the Three Degrees.

Foot Loose & Fancy Free introduces the grinning goofballs who’d mime behind him in countless early MTV clips, and help him write the entire A side (the first half of an album to go cover-free in his entire career). “You’re In My Heart (The Final Acclaim)” is a sweetly sappy tribute to his favorite football team (somehow that’s never been tied to that stomach-pumping story), but folks hoping for another “Mandolin Wind” had to settle for “I Was Only Joking,” a cocksman’s apology made all the smarmier following “Hot Legs” and “Born Loose.” Folks hoping for another “(I Know) I’m Losing You” got a Vanilla Fudge tribute.

Blondes Have More Fun has but one – one! – cover, where Phil Chen and Carmen Appice apply the same humpity-pumpity disco throb to the Four Tops’ “Standing In The Shadows Of Love” that they do to Rod’s Oldest Guy At The Singles Bar anthem “D’Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Ironically, this notoriously decadent period was his most singer-songwriterly to date, confounding most rockist notions of “heart and soul” with his earnest assman shtick. After all, wasn’t he being more “authentic” cackling “Ain’t Love A Bitch” and “Attractive Female Wanted” at heartbreakers by the hotel pool in his thirties than recalling old country winters in his twenties? Rod the Mod, however unpretentiously, aimed for timelessness. Rod the Man in the “Sex Police” T-shirt, however crassly, made the best of the moment.

Let’s define a “big-budget turkey” as a film with an estimated production budget of at least $100m, that failed to achieve a global box office more than double its production budget (this ratio is traditionally used to estimate the “breakeven” point for a movie, as about half the GBO goes to the distributor, with TV and video income then expected to cover the Prints & Advertising Budget).

These are the big-budget turkeys that have dropped over the last decade

2007 (7): Evan Almighty ($175m budget/$173 GBO), Bee Movie (150m/288m), Beowulf (150m/196m), Fred Claus (150m/98m), Rush Hour 3 (140m/258m), Meet The Robinsons (100m/169m), Surf’s Up (100m/149m)

2008 (4): Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian (225m/420m), Incredible Hulk (150m/263m), Australia (130m/211m), Speed Racer (120m/94m)

2009 (8): A Christmas Carol (200m/325m), Terminator: Salvation (200m/371.4m), GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra (175/303), G-Force (150m/293m), Watchmen (130m/185m), Where The Wild Things Are (100m/100m), The Taking Of Pelham 123 (100m/150m), Land Of The Lost (100m/69m)

2010 (9): Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time (200m/336.4m), Robin Hood (200m/322m), The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (150m/215m), The Wolfman (150m/140m), How Do You Know (120m/49m), The A-Team (110m/177m), The Other Guys (100m/170m), Unstoppable (100m/168m), Green Zone (100m/95m)

2011 (8): Green Lantern (200m/220m), Cowboys & Aliens (163m/175m), Hugo (160m/186m), Mars Needs Moms (150m/39m), Rango (135m/246m), Happy Feet Two (135m/150m), The Green Hornet (120m/228m), Arthur Christmas (100m/147m)

2012 (5): John Carter (250m/284m), Battleship (209m/303m), Dark Shadows (150m/246m), Total Recall (125m/199m), Cloud Atlas (102m/131m)

2013 (7): The Lone Ranger (215m/261m), Jack The Giant Slayer (195m/198m), 47 Ronin (175m/151m), White House Down (150m/205m), After Earth (130m/244m), RIPD (130m/78m), Ender’s Game (110m/126m)

2014 (4): Mr Peabody & Sherman (147m/276m), Exodus: Gods And Kings (140m/268m), Pompeii (100m/118m), Transcendence (100m/103m)

2015 (7): The Good Dinosaur (200m/314m), Tomorrowland (190m/209m), Jupiter Ascending (176m/184m), Pan (150m/128m), Fantastic Four (120m/168m), Point Break (105m/134m), In The Heart Of The Sea (100m/94m)

2016 (10)*: Star Trek Beyond (185m/231m), The Legend Of Tarzan (180/348), Alice Through The Looking Glass (170/292), Ghostbusters (144/208), Gods Of Egypt (140/146), The BFG (140/142), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out Of The Shadows (135/239), The Divergent Series: Allegiant (120/179), Huntsman: Winter’s War (115/165), Ben-Hur (100/22)

(*Yes, Ben-Hur just opened, but after this weekend, no one assumes 200m is waiting for it in the hinterlands. None of the other ‘16 movies have impending foreign markets certain to help it escape this class. And there’s still the entire 2016 holiday season to go.)

Some take-aways:

*Five of the ten 2016 turkeys (to date) are sequels. Thanks to success stories like Fast Five, The Dark Knight and The Harry Twilight Games, Hollywood forgot that historically sequels don’t build enthusiasm for a franchise, but burn it off. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II is most likely going to be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II, not the dawn of a Cinematic Turtleverse.

*All the other 2016 turkeys are “existing IP.” Well, nobody has the copyright on Egyptian mythology, but you know what I mean. But we’ve got three “shirtless beefcake in a loincloth - the original superhero!” movies, a Roald Dahl adaptation Disney was too busy selling fish to focus on, and a bold setting for a Bridesmaids reunion that wouldn’t be on the list if its budget wasn’t more than twice as much as Spy’s. All probably looked like sure things if you wanted them to look like sure things.

*No, Virginia, they won’t stop making superhero movies. While Green Lantern and Fantastic Four happened, we see a lot more swords & sandals above than masks & tights. As despised as DC superhero movies might be, only anthropomorphic cartoons and Marvel superheroes have grossed more this year. Flying people are still Hollywood’s safest bet after “smirking animal.”

Evil Cowards, “LovePigs”

Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens

“Tiny Insjön in central Sweden isn't known for pig mask-wearing couples shooting lasers at Pokémon hunters before having sex by a waterwheel. But that could be about to change.”

There gonna be a big, big fuss and a whole lot of pork When the love pigs get here They're gonna be poking at us with a bloody pitchfork When the love pigs get here There gonna be a big disaster on the network news When my animal sits here And they're gonna crucify when you finally choose who the loser is here

“It was Friday night in the village of 2,000 souls when two teenage siblings wandered out with their smartphones to play Pokémon Go.

But instead of finding Pikachu or Squirtle they soon came face to face in the park with a couple who must have seemed scarcely more real.

The teenagers’ mother, who reported the incident to the police, told newspaper Dalarnas Tidningar:

‘They wore rubber masks depicting pigs’ heads and they started screaming and waving a green laser.’

A laser beam hit one of the teens in the face and the children rushed back home, shaken but luckily unharmed.”

(I'll tell you something) But all this talkin' don't add up to much (We'll move into your neighbourhood) You shouldn't be walking, ride your bike like the Dutch

“The masked shooters, who also wore T-shirts labeled ‘King’ and ‘Queen’, were next spotted by incredulous motorists as they had sex beside the hamlet’s waterwheel.

Traffic backed up on the highway as some drivers slowed down and others clambered out of their cars to behold the bizarre spectacle, one motorist told the paper.”

There gonna be a swift beheading of the queen and king When the white kids get here They're gonna butter me up and hose me down When I lose my wits here And they're gonna disinfect the entire town When the love pigs shit here

“The police didn’t care so much about the traffic jam, she said, but officer Daniel Hagthorpe was concerned about the alleged laser attack and public sex.

‘Pointing at someone with green laser can cause injury if it hits the eyes,’ he told Dalarnas Tidningar.

And their waterwheel sex could be considered sexual harassment if anyone took offence, he added.  

The couple's identity and whereabouts remain unknown.”