The Struggle is Real

I never thought I could feel lower than I did 10 years ago... All the heartbreak, the broken friendships, the petty work drama... I was so depressed... not fitting in anywhere. Always being left. Abandoned. I thought that, that was rock bottom.

Turns out that isn't true.

It can be worse. A lot worse. Now, I'm watching my Dad die. Slowly. Vascular Dementia the long goodbye. He had a stroke almost three years again, upon further investigation PET scans etc. Vascular Dementia. Just like that... my whole reality changed. I had to take over the finances as my Father always handled that. Making sure rent was paid. POA signed. Filing Tax Returns for my Dad. Making sure Bills were paid on time because he had fallen behind.

Three trips to London. this last one was heavy. It's the last time my Father will be with us. It hurts. It has taken this tragedy for my father and myself to be able to talk about things, real things.

He says he is proud of me... how I stepped up and learned everything.

My heart is broken. This is grief, this is real pain. I have aged about five years. I'm tired. So so tired.

I have to fight to keep going.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone. This pain is unreal.