MINE.

I honestly can’t think of anything bad to say about him. Honestly he is such a nice guy other than the fact that he fucked and planned on not seeing me again BUT I’ll let that slide bc maybe he realized after that hang out that it won’t work. He was super tired. Maybe he needs to focus on working and stuff.

Either way, there’s nothing really about him to latch onto girl. You like him so much bc you like yourself. You are fun me bubbly and cute.

When he came over that night and you were talking and being bubbly his energy wasn’t matching. He even said he was bringing down my vibe AND he said “you’re being adorable” when I said I was yapping. So maybe he can see that I’m too fun for him or something rn bc he was so tired and didn’t have the energy to really give me much. The last hang out was kinda weird I must admit. I think I’m still just latching on to our conversations before this. When he told me he enjoyed talking to me and the paragraphs we sent and how we spent 4 hours talking on our first date. But really most of that was me! You are the conversationist. You held this all up. And once he realized he couldn’t hold any convo with me bc of HIM, he broke it off. Maybe he is avoidant too and depressed so he didn’t have the energy to even try with me.

I kept asking to hang out and he couldn’t keep up with that. The weekend fucks weren’t gonna cut it with me anymore and he could see that. I do need someone more present(his words) even if he was just trying to be nice, it’s true. He wasn’t present and he could see that! He wasn’t matching my energy for whatever reason. I’ve done all I could. I was fun and sexy and stroked his ego plenty, he doesn’t wanna talk anymore, I can’t control that. It is what it is. I left the situation with grace and that’s all I can do at this point. You are a healthy individual. You can’t and worn beg and man to want you. Even if I tried to hit him up again, I’d be chasing and begging and they hate that and I don’t deserve that either.

Start talking to other ppl. He’s not the only white guy in the word with good dick lol. (Not that you exclusively want a white guy) but tbh there wasn’t much special about him. You can find any there guy like that, green flags and all. That actually wants you.

It’s ok. Just keep putting yourself out there. Sometimes ppl will reject you. It’s ok.

The one thing I will change though is I won’t have sex so early on. I know that doesn’t promise anything…although…wouldn’t having sex earlier make me less attached since I won’t know him as well so if he leaves it whatever??

Even tho I’m needing to get over O, I really hope the universe does that with him and puts us in the same place. Not with him with another girl tho ugh. I wanna be by myself so we can talk.

He fucked me up. I’m an emotional wreck. I mean we had sex so much and it was so good and emotional. He just…didn’t like me. I can’t believe. Like. Why have sex again with me on Saturday knowing you don’t like me. That’s so fucked. And to end it so abrupt.

I’m just thinking back. He honestly never liked me after we had sex the first time. When I came back the next day, he just didn’t wanna talk to me, just straight to fucking. And when I asked where this is going he’s silent. Obviously I was starting to like him like god shoot me for asking🙄 I’m not having sex again so soon. These men need to figure out if they like me or before getting access to me to get their stupid post nut clarity. Like girls have fucking feelings. You can’t just fuck us and throw us away bc you figured you just wanted to fuck. Not even the decency to be cool with me? Be friends? Maybe? Maybe you’ll get to know me better as a person? No they don’t care.

If they don’t like you, they don’t like you and that’s it. They fuck and leave.

Looking back though, is he someone you want? He was fucking stoner that couldn’t function without smoking. He didn’t react to anything I said fr and I have interesting things to say?? Like tf I’m fun af. I have mad deep intellectual convos and you have nothing to respond to what I’m saying?? Is he like this with everyone? Maybe he is. Who fucking knows. Maybe he was insanely depressed or whenever.

No he probably didn’t like me because even when I was joking and asked if he was leaving bc obviously I like you and want to hang out, he looked so annoyed and irritated. Like I’m having to second guess like did I say that aggressively or something?? I was just asking? So that’s a sign he didn’t like me. Everything I said irritated him.

Either way you need to stop wasting your energy worrying about this.

The man for you will make it easy. You won’t have to feel like you’re begging for his attention. I just wish I broke it off tbh. But whatever, he broke it off and you responded respectfully so that’s it. That’s all you can do.

I still hope I see him out but not to get him back. Just cuz. I think it would be interesting.

Anyways point is, sex makes you attached. If you never had sex like that and you just talked to him and naturally saw the vibes weren’t there, you wouldn’t be this hurt. Your brain is mistaking the sex for a deeper connection and it wasn’t. This is just a chemical reaction that you need to get over.

Except you knew that the vibes were off. There wasn’t much to talk about like it was almost painful to talk. Remember those moments. You felt stupid for talking sometimes bc he just looked at you with the goofy smirk where I’m like ok you fucking care.

Even when I went over and I was talking he just said what am I doing, come closer. Like- he def just wanted sex.

I just want a chance though like you’ll like me just get to know me more damn. I’ll grow on you lol.

We hung out on Saturday again and fucked I mentioned wanting more again which I think evidently made him break it off because he realized he doesn’t want that with me ugh.

He’s such a green flag too. He’s so sweet and we like everything the same wtf.

I thought he ghosted at first and I was sobbing all Tuesday but then he texted me later in the morning saying he’s not in a place to talk to anyone even casually so I guess that means he really doesn’t like me. Like damn you don’t even wanna fuck. Like I wanna go back soooooo bad and say we can just fuck but he doesn’t want that either obviously. Sigh.

I’ve just never had anyone so great on paper AND in bed ugh. I’m so so upset I had no appetite.

I responded respectfully so it’s not a bad part but I’m soooo temped to text him but I won’t bc I’ll def look crazy and desperate and he was clear he wants nothing.

I’m just so sad. I can’t wait to look back at this from a happier place man. I went on birth control for him.

Everytime I think about him I get a pain in my heart. Like wow. I liked him so much. I think it’s the sex. I should let have sex and especially since he wanted sex so quick tbh that’s what he wanted from the beginning.

Why is it that everytime I like someone they never like me back. And the ones I’m not interested is likes me. This is literally the law of attraction detachment whatever. My lack of longing/effort pulls them in while when I want something so bad, it doesn’t work out.

Literally the same day he broke it off, neighbor guy started chatting me up again. Like ugh noooo I don’t want you I want other guy(can’t name anyone)

Ugh dude I’m soooo bummed. I haven’t been this bummed over a guy in a WHILE wtf. I have no appetite. I can’t stop thinking about him. I wonder if he’s the one and he’s really not in a place?? And maybe he’ll come back? Is that wishful thinking? Or he really actually wasn’t fucking with me and I’ll find someone better? I can’t see me finding someone tho I don’t like anyone!! I WANNA SCREAM!!!

I wanna reach out so bad. I wanna ask. I wanna know. But I won’t like the answer. Sigh. I’m just so so sad. Hopefully I’ll read this back in the future and be in a better place. I’m so much happier when I’m not dating.

Just to remind myself; he said he didn’t like my vagina . In his words: “when I first saw it I was taken aback. I’ve never seen one look like that” like??? I thought you were gonna go celibate after that girl like what?? So is every man thinking that about my vagina?? He made me feel shit for my “straight” waist. I felt so embarrassed dressing up bc I knew he thought I was unattractive. I just-