Annatomy

I wrote this piece in July 2010, when I was still in college and had no plans of pursuing a career in conservation. Way before Save Philippine Seas was even part of my imaginocean.

I wrote about mining and quoted Sir Thomas More's Utopia (!!!), "avoiding the use of straws," and ended with a request: "Please listen to people my age too. We may be young but we have so much untapped resources in the form of energy and idealism."

Last week, I had lunch with my mentor, who is currently battling Stage 4 cancer. We talked about good karma -- how, if you do good, it will come back to you in the most unexpected ways.

“Like my cancer,” he pointed out.

“Oh. It’s been almost a year since you were diagnosed,” I recalled.

“If I didn’t get an ulcer and had to get a checkup, I wouldn’t have known I had Stage 4 cancer. I would probably be dead by now,” he continued. “That’s good karma.”

He didn’t even lament about the fact that he had cancer; he chose to be grateful for the detection.

“The Universe is about give and take,” he said. “We give without expecting anything in return, and then we are able to take. That’s why [the phrase] is not take and give, it’s give and take.”

Me: Yeah. It's an eponym.

I: Yung nasa Les Miz?

Me:

Eponine:

Me: How much is this scarf?

Designer: PhP8,500.

Me: ...

Me: How much is this clutch?

Designer: PhP35,000.

Me: ...

Hanapbuhay means "job," but its rough literal translation is "to look for life." It is one of my favorite Filipino words.

It is the 6th anniversary of Save Philippine Seas. I have learned that the quote "choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life" is one of the biggest lies perpetuated by Thought Catalog and social media. The truth is, the issues of our seas can be overwhelming. Fundraising is exhausting. Dealing with apathy and mediocrity daily dulls my optimism. And passion without action is overrated and unsustainable. There are long hours and heartbreaks and setbacks.

On most days, I am brimming with hope for the Philippines. On some days, my chest literally hurts from what I read in the news, shake my head, and send a series of passionately-worded private messages to friends who share the same sentiment. My personal Facebook page is kept free from political commentary, but not my Twitter feed, so I always type a series of draft tweets. Many are discarded before posting. After all, emotions are fleeing, but screenshots are forever.

Wednesday, May 3, already started off on the wrong foot because I received a text in the morning that one of my favorite DENR Regional Directors, Al Orolfo, was no longer going to be the DENR RD of NIR. He was doing such a good job, but due to external pressure (synonym: corporate greed), he will be transferred to the Central Office. 

Later in the afternoon, the Commission on Appointments (CA) rejected Gina Lopez as DENR Secretary. With the way the hearings were going, I was half expecting that outcome, but it still made me angry. 

G. Lo, as my friend and I like to refer to her, wasn’t a perfect government official; she bypassed due processes. Perhaps it’s the difficulty of NGO workers transitioning into government positions -- we don’t usually have the understanding, appreciation, and patience for bureaucracy. But I’d prefer having G. Lo in the government because she understood that protecting the environment meant protecting humanity and our economy in the long-term. She also didn’t tolerate corruption, which DENR and the rest of the Philippines/world could benefit from.

The good news is that G. Lo will continue being an advocate of environmental protection; she doesn’t and never needed to be the Secretary to do that. Public service doesn’t end and begin with a government position anyway. Perhaps G. Lo is more effective as a campaigner than a government official. (We’ll never know.) What devastates me is that her rejection was a rejection of change and a blatant display of corporate and political greed.

I wonder who the next DENR Secretary will be. Will s/he make the “D” in “DENR” stand for "Destruction” again instead of “Department”? The DENR’s mandate is to be responsible for "the conservation, management, development, and proper use of the country's environment and natural resource.” Big words that need to be properly defined by the next Secretary.

I’m frustrated, but still far from losing hope. Ika nga ni Tita Whitney at Tita Mariah, “Though hope is frail, it’s hard to kill.” I have met and worked with DENR employees who are bright lights and work with so much joy and passion in their hearts, despite little resources. What I’ll focus on is what I’m going to do about G. Lo’s rejection.

I have been wanting to go to Greece because, well, we don’t really need reasons to go to Greece, do we? It’s known for its historical landmarks, cuisine, coasts, blue and white structures, Greek men gods… 

I didn’t have a grand let’s-see-all-of-Greece plan. I usually spend time booking tours and researching restaurants for a shape of a plan, but I didn’t do any of that because all my energy has been dedicated to work and fieldwork [1]. On one March evening, I made an impulse decision to book accommodations in three different islands via AirBnB and left that as my starting point for my annual soulbatical [2]. 

After the 10th anniversary of the Future for Nature Awards in Arnhem, I flew from Schipol to Athens via Aegean Airlines (€186.98 with 23 kg. baggage), and took the metro from the airport to the stop near the apartment (€10). My AirBnB host, Nick, met me at the stop, and together we walked to his place, where I would be staying for two nights. Since I arrived late afternoon, all the museums were closed, so I just walked to the restaurant that Nick recommended called Black Sheep and stuffed my face with this life-changing cheese dish and slow-cooked lamb. I generally don’t eat lamb, but ah, when in Greece. 

I scheduled only one full day in Athens because a couple of friends told me it was “overrated.” To maximize my day, I did my go-to tipid tip / traveling “hack” for any new destination: a free walking tour [3]. 

The walking tour started at the National Library, which used to hold the first copies of any book ever printed in Greece, as well as any publication that was related to Greece (ang lawak ng criteria!). Since it can no longer accommodate the increasing number of materials, they are now being moved to a new, 22,000-sqm building. We then walked to the Parliament, where our guide, Michael, discussed the current economic crisis. Greece’s unemployment rates are at an all-time high, and Transparency International named it the most corrupt country in the European Union in 2012 and 2013.   

The National Library

Next stops were Pláka, the pretty, touristy shopping district; Hadrian’s Library; Tower of Winds, and the ancient Agora. Michael informed us that most ruins can be viewed from the gates, and unless you pored over Greek literature and history and would appreciate every single Doric column (or what remains of it), it’s best to spend on any or all of the following: Agora, which closes at 3PM, the Acropolis, and/or Acropolis Museum, which both close at 5PM. We stopped by a viewpoint of the Acropolis, where Michael posed a question: is it better to reconstruct these ancient sites or leave them as they are? 

For him, they are better off as is to let people’s imagination work. I haven’t made up my mind yet, but I suppose an average tourist would appreciate a reconstructed structure more, instead of just slabs of marble on the ground, and perhaps appreciate history more?   

Or not :)) Up for discussion. 

The tour wrapped up by the Acropolis Museum at 2PM. I was starving, so I walked back to Pláka to eat a kebab and have a beer.   

While finding my way back to Acropolis, I stopped by a store to look for postcards. This is one of my absolute favorite things to do on a trip. 

According to the staff member on duty, the word on lower left means “yes!”, the lower right has no direct English translation, but it roughly means “friends for life” or “good friendship.” I hope she’s right, because I’m sending it to one of my best friends. Baka SOUVLAKI pala yung totoong meaning. Shet. 

I found the Acropolis and entered at around 4:15PM, forty-five minutes before closing time (€20). The word acropolis comes from akron, “highest point,” and polis, “city.” The Acropolis holds the Temple of Athena Nike and the Parthenon. The branding of Nike is so strong that I forget the brand was named after the Greek goddess for victory.

The Parthenon is being rebuilt with marble from the same site of the original structure. 

I was out 10 minutes before it closed, and walked up a couple of more viewpoints: one that overlooked Agora,

and another named Socrates’ Prison, which offered another view of the Acropolis.

Here, I wrote on the postcards and reflected on democracy and the concept of citizenship, two contributions of Athens to the world [4]. I read in A Little History of the World that people would vote for the most popular person... to be kicked out of Athens, i.e., “any politician who showed signs of becoming too popular, lest he seize power for himself and rule as a tyrant." 

Makes sense, huh?

The word "democracy” comes from dêmos, “people,” and krátos, "force" or “power” -- essentially, “rule of the people,” or as we know it, “people power.” People power is integral to our narrative as Filipinos. Democracy is the only form of government I grew up with, and it is messy. Our current situation is becoming increasingly frustrating: we’ve elected really, REALLY questionable politicians and fake news and alternative facts have become part of daily life. It’s democracy at work. But democracy at work also means the right and privilege to vote, which generations of women before me fought for. Democracy allows me to write letters to leaders and be openly critical of these leaders. It lets us stage protests. I’d take democracy over tyranny or communism, any day.

After my muni-muni moment in the middle of couples making out and men playing the guitar and singing Greek songs, I made my way back down layers of flowers and trees to the main roads. Since I have no sense of direction, I followed groups of friends walking their dogs (in the least creepy way possible, I swear). 

On my way back to the apartment (at this point my FitBit said I had already over 25,000 steps and my legs ached to prove it), I walked past the Panathenaic Stadium, the venue of first modern Olympic Games in 1896. Just right there, by the main road. It was a racecourse in c. 330 BC, rebuilt in 144 AD, excavated bit by bit from 1836 to 1869, and refurbished in 1896. It was also used in the 2004 Olympics. Isn’t that incredible? Full circle. Think of all the wins, losses, heartbreaks, and cheers (and nude male bodies, as the first track events were done without clothing) this stadium has seen and heard. 

Given the chance, I’d like to go back to Athens and spend two or three days. Turns out Athens isn’t overrated for someone like me who’s a nerd for history, art, and politics. One day wasn’t enough. Athens has been destroyed and rebuilt, war after war, and there are layers of stories beneath the Starbucks, H&M, and Sephora that line Ermou Street, and under the remains of Propylaia and Erechtheion. Someday.

Next stop: Naxos!

[1] I owe Fiesta Tours & Travel a big thank you for fixing my UK and Schengen visa appointments and requirements while I was traveling for work. I was only in Manila for about two weeks, collectively, from January-March and I was so worried I wouldn’t get my visas in time, but Ms. Eve, Ms. Anna Marie, and Ms. Jean of Fiesta Tours figured it out so I wouldn’t have to. Thank you. 

[2] “Soulbatical” is a term my best friend Claudine coined when I visited her in California in October 2015, after my MSc. “I’m soul-searching. Kind of like a sabbatical,” I told her. “A soulbatical!” she declared. So now I have an annual commitment to go on a soulbatical where I do as little work as possible and travel on my own. 

[3] Free walking tours don’t have a fixed price, but run on tips.

My “makeup routine” when I’m working on field is just sunblock and lip balm. Like this:

Photo by Tito Geloy during the YSEALI SEA Camp-Subic, in my favorite Tuff Turts shirt

I look like this about 60% of the time. My “city” makeup kit, for when I have meetings, trips, conferences, and/or meals out, is a bit more exciting. My routine takes about 20 minutes from primer to lipstick, which (I feel) is relatively low-maintenance.

Here are my essentials:

Suncare:

THE MOST IMPORTANT BEAUTY PRODUCT. I use sunblock everyday, even when I’m working from home. I’ve been trying different kinds of sunblock for years, but settled on VMV’s Face Cover 45 (P1,095) since May 2016. I transfer the content to a smaller bottle for my bag so I can re-apply every few hours.

Other favorites are Supergoop!, but it’s not available in the Philippines, and Benefit’s Dream Screen, but the matte finish is better in cooler climates.

Base:

If I need primer, I use Benefit’s Pore-fessional (P1,600). Chely gave me the tube I use now. I won my last one at our 10th high school reunion (yey, savings!). On most days, I just use Céleteque’s moisturizer (P231) as my base, which I’ve been using as my day and night moisturizer since high school. 

In December 2016, Chely introduced me to her makeup Holy Grail since high school, Cinema Secrets Ultimate Foundation (P1,200+). We use it as concealer, so this is the first product I put after primer, and only for the dark circles under my eyes.

I’ve given up on foundation because my skin tone changes too quickly and drastically (it was MAC NC40 then 42 then 45). Last year, I discovered VMV’s Skintangible (P1,125) which is lightly tinted, has SPF 30, and stays true to its description as “barely-there, ‘dew’-lightful non-makeup.” (And let’s face it, I can’t resist packaging with puns.) Skintangible has no coverage, so it’s not for blemishes, but I love how light it feels. When there’s a VMV sale, I buy two because I love it so much that I’m afraid to run out of it :))

For powder, I used MAC Blot Powder - Pressed (Medium Dark) (P1,300+, not in photo). Now I use another MAC pressed powder that Chely gave (you see the pattern here?).

Lips:

Lip balm is a fixture in my bag. I ran out of lip balm during my trip to Morocco in December 2015, when my lips were so chapped I thought they were going to split in 50 different ways. It was painful and uncomfortable and I was traumatized, so now I always have two, one in my bag and my toiletry kit. During my last trip to the U.S., I bought two tubes of Glossier’s Balm Dotcom in Coconut ($12), which I discovered through Jam.

I can talk about lipsticks and lip liners with as much passion as shark conservation. Lipsticks for me are like mood rings--I choose the shade based on how I feel or want to feel for the day. Most of my lipsticks/lip liners are in various shades of red or ruby. My favorites are NARS Cruella (P1,400+) and MAC Diva (P1,000). I also use Sleek’s Matte Me (P450) in three shades: Vino Tinto, Fired Up, and Velvet Slipper. Matte Me is so, well, matte so I usually put a small amount of balm over it. Between 24-26 years old, I used a lot of pinks, but I’ve outgrown it because it feels a bit too Nicki Minaj for me. For the brown side of the spectrum, I use MAC’s Del Rio. I am now on a self-imposed lipstick buying ban because I have way too many, and I am finding other homes for my embarrassing number of lipsticks.

Cleansing Oil:

I’ve been using Human Nature’s Gentle Cleansing Oil (P465.45) for years. If you have seen me put lipstick on, you know it’s a disaster. I usually look like Ronald McDonald before I use cleansing oil to clean it up, which is why I always have it in a tiny tube in my bag.

Eyelashes:

My eyelash curler is Fanny Serrano (P200 or less), something I’ve used since my days in the theatre. It’s the budget-friendly dupe of the popular Shu Uemura curler. For mascara, I’m not too picky, but I received They’re Real (P1,400, not in photo) from Benefit’s Bold is Beautiful launch last month, so I’ll be using that.

Highlighter:

On the night of our 10th high school reunion, I discovered Benefit’s Watts Up! (P1,800) because my kabarkada and Benefit’s Captain Gorgeous Donna told me to use hers and her words were, “Lakas maka-J. Lo nito, Anns.” 

I’LL TAKE IT. FOREVER.

Eyes:

I don’t know how to do my brows without looking like Frida Kahlo, so I generally just keep it shaped and use Benefit’s Gimme Brow (1,400) and Goof Proof (P1,400). Goof Proof is a revelation for me -- SO EASY TO USE. It has an angled pencil and a brush on the other end for blending. My current Gimme Brow and Goof Proof were also part of the media kit from Bold is Beautiful.

I rarely use eyeliner/eyeshadow because I have oily eyelids (yes, it’s a thing, a very annoying thing) and often look like a panda at the end of the night. Donns gave me a liquid eyeliner from her recent trip to Japan with a really thin brush, so I use when there’s a big celebration or event.

Cheeks:

I’m not critical about blush, but I prefer tints or stains over pressed or loose only because it’s one less brush to bring. Now using Benefit’s Benetint (P700), which I got as a Christmas gift from Donns. I have another one waiting from the Bold is Beautiful media kit.

I juxtaposed (wow, maka polysyllabic word lang) two photos to show with and without makeup. I used everything in this blog except liner, eyelash curler, and mascara.

There seems to be very little difference. I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, reef-friendly sunscreen would be it. Reef-friendly sunscreen doesn’t have oxybenzone, so it doesn't contribute to coral bleaching. 

Moving back home is unnerving and humbling. You don’t make a Plan B so you make Plan A work with everything you’ve got. This decision straddles between stupidity and bravery. Funds won’t raise themselves and partnerships don’t just happen. The press coverage, international speaking engagements, and pretty infographics are products of meetings, taping receipts on bond paper, living out of a suitcase, encoding expenses, and writing letters, proposals, and reports. 

YSEALI SEA Camp-Boracay, June 2016

Malapascua Island, February 2016

For the first time ever, you consider quitting. You begin exploring other career options. 

Sleep. All the sharks in the Philippines won’t die if you sleep more than 5 hours a night. The work will still be there in the morning. 

And the day after that. 

And the day after that. 

The elections will disrupt your timeline, especially when your political ally loses by seven votes. Don’t let it disrupt your vision, or your love for country and her people. Don’t join the noise online – focus on your advocacy. The current political climate makes your and your colleagues’ advocacies more important than ever. 

Do well and do good. 

YSEALI SEA Camp-Summit, July 2016

Your students will be your best teachers. They will teach you terms like “tovma,” ask questions you don’t have answers to, and show you what love and persistence mean. 

With 2015 and 2016 SEA Campers, Bantayan Island, December 2016

With the 2015 and 2016 Mindanao SEA Campers, Zamboanga City, August 2016

With 2015 SEA Campers, Talisay City, November 2016

Not singing in public for seven years can apparently cause adult onset stage fright, which of course only means you have to sing again. The stage will always be your first love, your Big Magic. The actors you last shared the stage with will always be family.  

Surprising the cast with “For Good” with Kakki Mof during One Night Stand: We’re Still In This Together, July 2016

There’s no such thing as too many lipsticks. There really isn’t.  

Trying not to buy all the Matte Me lipsticks with Chely, August 2016

The end of a five-year relationship is quiet, painful, and more terrifying than you’d like to admit, but it is sure. As Sugar said, you have to “be brave enough to break your own heart.” You cry during the breakup and never again. The morning after, you get up at 7AM, put concealer and red lipstick on, and go to a high-level meeting -- one most crucial to your career -- like everything’s okay.

But a space inside and around you is created by the absence of your ex-boyfriend/best friend. You fill it by singing “Kiss the Air” over and over again when stuck in traffic, working (and there is always work), traveling, and stranger flings. 

A broken heart still beats. 

The Big C is called the Big C because it is big and consuming. Your disposition, defiantly optimistic by default, is gnawed by thoughts of worst-case scenarios. Your Big C -- Courage -- has to be bigger. Kick the shit out of the Big C with your Bigger C, together. 

There are friendships not worth keeping, no matter how many years you’ve been friends (or “friends”). Really. Because there are other friendships worth nurturing -- those that greet you good morning with selfies; 

Selfie time! My morning routine with Gold.

send Whatsapp voice notes during rush hour; 

With Lynn and Chely, April 2016

hold you accountable to your dreams, aspirations, and statements like, “I’ll only have one drink, I swear!” or “I won’t reply if he texts me!”; 

With Donna and Anya, August 2016

With Vince and AA, Dumaguete City, November 2016

and with those who live thousands of miles away, but still know the recesses of your thoughts. 

With Jam, New York State, November 2016

With Ding, San Francisco, September 2016

Family is the foundation you build your life upon. You are always leaving, always gone, for reasons not all of them quite understand. But they will always be home, and remind you that your heart lives outside your chest. 

Kuya’s wedding, Kawit, Cavite, June 2016

Dinner with Lola, Silang, Cavite, October 2016

Next time your tita tells you that there are many fish in the sea, tell her 10/13 fishing grounds in the Philippines are overfished. Also, there are so many creepy men out there. 

Send postcards. Take photos of these postcards (front and back) just in case they don’t make it to your recipient. 

Postcards sent from Hawaii, September 2016

Don’t let grades be the measure of your worth. Society may have other definitions of success, like a “stable job with benefits,” e.g., health insurance and a 13th month pay, and/or “two kids by 30.” Only you can define what success is for you. Own it. Embrace the suck. You are, after all, known to say, “Stop global whining.” 

(Although it would still be really, really nice to have health insurance and a 13th month pay.) 

During a conversation about solving marine debris with a group of strangers in Honolulu, it hits you that there is nothing else in the world you’d rather be doing than thinking of ways to decrease marine debris; writing ocean-related puns; reviewing environmental laws; working with youth; and operationalizing the country’s first shark and ray sanctuary. 

With the Save Philippine Seas team, Dumaguete City, November 2016

For the first time ever, you allow yourself to say that you are proud of yourself. Your work has legs; it will stand on its own. This realization makes you burst into tears at 10 in the morning. 

Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. 

Peak of my training for the 5k Caramoan Swim Challenge, August 2016

And trust me on the reef-friendly sunscreen.

Danjugan Island, November 2016

The 2009 version | The 2010 version | The 2011 version | The 2012 version | The 2013 version | The 2014 version

“Hey Anna. Grabe yung all the news now. How to maintain optimism?” my Filipino friend in Germany messaged me on Whatsapp. She is coming home next week, and going on a job interview that could make her move back home. “Some people are convincing me to stay in Germany,” she added.

“I think the more hopeless the situation seems to be, the stronger our optimism has to be. My point of view is: I know what I’m good at, and I know where I can make an impact, so I’ll focus on that. I’m not going to waste my energy feeling bad about the news. Ever since I changed my mindset, di na ako masyadong na-aaffect sa news.

Gang Badoy said it more eloquently in her Facebook post: ‘Try tumulong kung sa'n mang field of expertise mo. Stay in your swim lane, guard your zone. If it’s in business, stay there, work there. If it’s education, stay there, contribute. Legislation, same. Kung sports, sports. Artista ka? Go! Kailangan ng bansa ng sining. Nasa sining kadalasan ang sagot at linaw. At please- wag mag synthetic drugs. Pusher ka? Tago ka na. Adik ka ba? Pa rehab ka na. If you’re a parent, raise your children with a love of country. Leave the media to parry with this, for now. But keep an eye out. And criticize when you feel it is necessary. But do your work. Do your work and hope.

Go by waves. Decide for changes in waves. Let this wave pass. Let some waves engulf you. Surf over some. But move move move. And watch and watch and watch. And don’t drown. NO DROWNING ALLOWED. And only hope if you work alongside that hope. And walk alongside that talk. This is a choice we can make periodically. Sige lang, may bukas naman lagi. Wala munang kukurap. Wala rin munang bibitaw. Maaga-aga pa. Sige lang. Hindi ako natatakot, kaya ng Pilipinas kahit ano. Kaya ng Pilipino maski ano.’  

She also told me before, ‘I am optimistic that we have to try.’ I’ve always held on to that. I am optimistic by default, because that’s my dad’s DNA in me.

I feel like there’s a lot of movement in marine conservation now. I can see it. I can feel it. I can make it. MONOLOGUE??? :)))) 

So that’s my ‘lane.’ If people feel hopeless, maybe they're asking the wrong questions. ‘Bakit ganyan ang government?’ ‘Why does [our President] have to say those things?’ 

My questions are more like, ‘Okay. What can I do with what I've got? How do I become part of the solution?’ Because there's so much shit happening, all the more we need your brain. Hehehehe. MWAHUGZ XOXO.”

###