Madad Ya Rasullulah

يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلَا يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ

Umar’s رضي الله عنه

You know that’s one of the things I like most about you. Most people would spend time worrying about what could have happened, how bad it could have been, you go straight to the practical.

It was like standing on the train tracks, when you feel that first vibration down the metal lines, and you know you should get off, but you can’t see anything. As far as you can look, the tracks are clear, there’s only that metallic vibration, like a pulse beat against your feet, to let you know that several tons of steel are hurtling towards you. People die every year on train tracks, and often their dying words are I didn’t see the train.I’ve always thought that trains must be magical that way, or otherwise people would see them, and get the f**k off the tracks. I could feel the vibration of her rushing towards me, and I would gladly have gotten off the tracks, but the tracks were inside my head, nailed across my body, and I couldn’t figure out how to run from that.

In fact the fear blossomed into panic. Panic that freezes your body, numbs your mind, makes you forget everything you’ve ever learned about how to make your body a weapon, and all that is left is a small screaming voice inside your head that makes you a victim. If you can’t think and can’t move, then you are a victim. That’s why panic will get you killed. (That is why PTSD is lethal at the end of it. The need to end it.)

In fact the fear blossomed into panic. Panic that freezes your body, numbs your mind, makes you forget everything you’ve ever learned about how to make your body a weapon, and all that is left is a small screaming voice inside your head that makes you a victim. If you can’t think and can’t move, then you are a victim. That’s why panic will get you killed. (That is why PTSD is lethal at the end of it. The need to end it.)

Shock is nature’s insulation, the thing that shuts you down so you can heal, or sometimes so you can die without hurting, or being afraid.

Part of me didn’t believe it. I told that part to shut the f**k up, too. I had enough problems without self-doubt creeping in.

Give a truly good person power, and they’re still a good person. Give a bad person power, and they’re still a bad person. The question is always about the person in between. The one that isn’t evil, or good, but just ordinary. You don’t always know what an ordinary person is like on the inside.

There comes a point where you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just means you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.

As I learned more of what his life had been like, I knew that this still-water calm had been hard won. My calmness was the calmness of metal, but he was water. He was the still forest pool. Throw a stone in, and once the ripples fade, it’s as it was. Throw a stone at metal and it leaves a dent.

Shayṭān said (to Allāh): ‘By your Honor, O Lord, I will not stop misleading Your slaves as long as they have their souls in their bodies. So the Lord [ﷻ] said: ‘By my Honor and Majesty, I will continue to forgive them as long as they seek my forgiveness’.

Borrow the Beloved’s eyes Look through them and you’ll see The Beloved’s face everywhere