The Zoo

i ate chef boyardee and began to cry bro that shit was so bad… i had noodles i could have eaten those

help

hot dog in my lung

help me put more in

Being 4’11 is so hard sometimes, for real. 

Damn, this so true. I remember in 4th grade I couldn’t reach nothing

Entirely for @hellmandraws‘ amusement, and to defend America from the charge of being “weakass babies” I’m going to liveblog eating licorice candy.

it’s stuck to my teeth, I’ll be tasting this forever. shards of this will be discovered in my teeth when my body is excavated from an archeological dig tens of thousands of years in the future. somehow the smell has traveled up through my nasal cavity and all I can sense, hear, or experience is licorice. the world is an empty vessel filled with remorse and the cloying smell of decay. I’m at the nadir of my existence. -100/12

somehow, here, standing at the edge of eternity, the darkness that consumed me birthed me anew. I’m not only ready for another candy, I’m eager. I can, nay I must, immediately eat another

oh wow it’s salty! 8/10

this time I’m ready for the salt to wear off. 

I WAS NOT READY

the flavor this time was different, and somehow so much worse. instead of the leather of a shoe, it was like eating an entire shoe factory. the industrial rubber of the forklift tires, a hint of diesel as secretive as a volkswagen scandal, a soupçon of hot tin roof, the sweat of non-unionized labor, and a pervasive sense that while we’re all in this together, some of us are more all in this than others. 1/10 throw off your shackles, taste buds

I can’t believe it but I’m into this. I like this. shocked and disgusted with myself, I shove 2 more into my mouth concurrently.

conclusion: I’ve become addicted to licorice candy. what is in this. how do I get more. I hate this? I hate this. I willingly admit I’m a weakass baby. 100/10 will cycle through destruction and rebirth willingly and with open eyes, albeit it with teeth that will never again be clean.

cute names for your girl: slime

date a girl who is a home and an adventure all at once

Date a girl who doubles as a haunted house

my dad is drunk watching bob ross & nodding every few seconds going “interesting” and “that’s a good way of thinking about it bob”

update: my dad just sat up a little straighter and said “all RIGHT, some TREES”

is ur music ever so loud u feel like ur suffocating

update: i was having an asthma attack

I’m the kind of person who wastes inventory space in games carrying around useless items that mean something to me or my character

ROLEPLAYING 👏 EVEN 👏 WHEN 👏 IT 👏 NEGATIVELY 👏 IMPACTS 👏 YOUR 👏 GAMEPLAY 👏 IS 👏 VALID 👏