angstyedgelord

so i guess, i’ll start making my own diary here coz i am pretty confident and i believe no one knows that i’m scribbling personal situations that i’ve been wanting to express to this significant person

I feel insecure that somehow my other friends were successful now and they already have their own life making into. But to me, I was like a totally boring person like still striving and keep looking what's my purpose. As of the moment, I just wanted to fit into a world where everyone or someone could understand my feelings and validated these once for a while. I am hoping to find that someone, idk if it's a girl or boy. At least they did something part of me that would surprised me then and they understand the true self that I have. It really hurts that I feel these feelings right now. It confuses me all the time.

it seems pretty normal for some people, being lockdown with this crisis. have you never tried to lockdown yourself? like anybody else does? like every night from the day you were 17 until now, you were wasting your 2 hours trying to be coerced from your thoughts, trying to imaging how can I skip such episodes? how can I attain such happiness, the pure happiness that will really makes you cry? how will i connect to others which i am fully cleanse where i accepted myself first before other does? if you sum it up, you were not counting, you were distracted

i was looking by the mirror in the corner my eye's perspective while i am typing here like clicking those letters in the keyboard wanting to be heard without saying a thing or a word...

Kind of disappointed, discouraged, but you know what I knew was I wasn't enough for everybody but I keep filling this bottle up expecting to be filled by someone else when I am thirsty...

Well, I wonder how it feels to be in the field of peace, where most of the plants, the soil, the rocks, the water were supposed to be....