Angry Cashier Chick

Early afternoons at the gym are usually nice and quiet with just a few regulars working out. Most people don’t call because they’re at work. Very few new signups because of the same reason. 

I had just finished my lunch when two rather…big…girls come walking in. **Before somebody gets butthurt that I judged them on size read the rest of the fucking post. Then get butthurt.** They wanted to talk to the manager.

Since my manager was off for the day I asked what I could help them with. I told them that I was the guy to talk to since the manager was out. 

They launched into a sales pitch, culminating in them asking if we’d carry their shitty wraps and pills and shit that are supposed to be for weight loss. 

They were shills for It Works! **Spoiler alert - It Doesn’t Work!** I politely told them that we weren’t interested, but thanked them for thinking of us. (For those of you who mercifully don’t know, MLM stands for Multi-Level-Marketing, a really nice way to say pyramid scheme. It Works! happens to be the one I had to deal with today)

That should’ve been the end of it. 

That was not the end of it.

Redoubling their efforts, they wanted me to know HOW MUCH FUCKING MONEY THE GYM - AND ALL THE EMPLOYEES - COULD MAKE IF WE SELL THEIR SHITTY PRODUCTS AS PART OF THEIR TEAM!

Again, I tell them no thanks.

THAT REALLY SHOULD’VE BEEN THE END OF IT.

THAT WAS NOT THE END OF IT.

Having been told no twice, they start busting out free samples. Even for free, I do not want them. They show me some fat burning pill bullshit, and encourage me to take it home and try it. I do not want it. They want me to try some bullshit wrap that you spread goo into too.

They’re really pushy and have apparently decided that no does not actually mean no, instead their definition of the word is “JUST TRY HARDER I NEED CONVINCED!”

I ask the women if they have tried the fat burning pill bullshit. Despite me calling it fat burning pill bullshit directly to them, they both tell me that they absolutely do and they love it and I should try it!

Me: Nope. Definitely not interested now.

It Works! Shills: But why not!?

Me: Because obviously it doesn’t work. 

Both of them stand there, giving me a few brief moments of merciful silence from their incessant pitching. 

Then I catch an earful for being so rude and insensitive and honestly I didn’t listen to much else they had to say because I’d ceased giving a shit. They packed their garbage up, pointed at me and threatened to talk to corporate, and stormed off. 

I’m sure I’ll hear about it in the future.

You are now free to be as butthurt as you like. -J

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What follows here is my own personal experience and opinion. If that’s not something that interests you, don’t keep reading. Or do, I’m not your boss.

Any “job” where they tell you that you’re going to run your own business and get people on your team (or under you) is probably a scam.

It Works!, Lularoe, Younique, Vector, and many others are just that, a scam. A pyramid scheme. A waste of money. A great way to sink money into something that most people don’t make shit off of with the promise that you could make huge money if you put the work in. *SPOILER ALERT! 99% of people don’t make shit off of them. I’d wager that most barely make the money they invest in it back. If nothing else, the market is so saturated with INDEPENDENT BUSINESS OWNERS that it’s not feasible to make big money, unless you sucker a ton of people to do it “as part of your team” or they “work for you” (which is fucking weird for a business owner.)* In addition, most of the products are junk.

I once went to an “interview” with Vector or Cutco if I remember correctly. They called me for an interview despite the fact I’d never applied and didn’t give me much in the way of details what they actually do or what the position was. Even at the dumbass age of 25 that sent up flags. I show up for my “interview” and realize that it’s a sales job about 8 seconds in. I further realize that this isn’t an interview at all, but a sales pitch. 

As I watch the woman running this shit show cut a piece of rope with a knife, I debate just leaving. There are two people sitting in here with me. I wonder to myself how often I’d even need to cut rope with a knife. This is a complete joke and I know it. I decide to stay because that’s the kind of asshole I am. While she cuts the rope with a knife and the blade of a hatchet too - because when have I ever *not* been in a situation that I didn’t think to myself “Self, you should have a knife that can cut a hatchet!” - she tells us of the untold riches we can earn by selling knives and convincing others to sell knives for us. It’s a pyramid scheme.

After the demonstration - where they tell us all the way we should sell is to buy a dinner to fix for the people we sell to and make it right in front of them in their home using Vector knives…completely at our expense, mind you - we get pulled one by one into the office for our solo interview. I was first.

I’m told that Vector is a pretty exclusive company and blah blah it’s so fucking wonderful and I’d make more money than I’d ever dreamed and I’d make a great addition to the team (she knows this without me saying a word) - if she decided to hire me, that is - and wants to know what I’d bring to said team.

Nothing. I would bring nothing to the team. I only came to the “interview” because I was curious and I have lots of time to waste. This isn’t an opportunity, it’s a scam. To get “started with my own business” I have to buy a set of knives that I don’t want. I tell her this. She appears completely indifferent. 

Instead of simply thanking me for coming in and moving on to the next sucker candidate she asks me what about the job isn’t to my liking. Is the earnings potential too high, perhaps? Not willing to “invest in myself?”

Yes clearly that’s it. I’m afraid of success. I tell her that this isn’t starting my own business, that all the risk is mine and there’s very little chance I actually make my money back. And that the bit about “getting people under me” is a crock of shit and frankly I feel like I’ve wasted enough of their and my time. I also told her I was a little miffed that *I* didn’t get a free dinner while they tried to sell me knives. Never missing a beat, she offered to do a demonstration in my home where she would make me (and my girlfriend at the time, presumably) a dinner using Vector cutlery and would even clean up after!

Thanks, but no.

On my way out I walk past the other “job candidates” and tell them that it’s a pyramid scheme and they’re wasting time and money. I don’t know or care if they took the bait.

Point being, these “jobs” - often described as “direct sales” to avoid being called what they are - aren’t good for anything but pissing your friends off and throwing money into a hole. Then you’re stuck with trash you couldn’t sell and probably - just like the people you tried selling to - won’t use.

I’m so sorry to tell you, but when someone works 40+ hours a week, or even just part time, and still can’t afford to spend $2 for a damn coffee, THEY ARE NOT THE PROBLEM. Our society is.

You’re out here buying yourself $20 lunches and $50 shampoos like, please tell me more about how a coffee that puts a smile on my face is me “spending irresponsibly”.

Customer: the scale says there’s weight on it but there’s NOTHING there

Had a table today on Google Images looking for coupons.

Was upset when I couldn’t accept it.

Here it is, comrades! The first ever “Sundays On Safari”! Enjoy! #retailproblems #wecomic