☾  KAWORU NAGISA 𝄇 Neon Genesis Evangelion

❝ There is always hope. No matter the circumstances. ❞

weird alien angel child who causes problems by accident.

also tries to solve them. a lot. maybe too much? has been called “obsessive”. they don’t have therapists on the moon.

humans tried to make a god. now their god is a fifteen year old, and he doesn’t want to do his chores.

does he enjoy being vague and enigmatic, or is he just Like That?

likely a forefather of your fave gay coded white-haired anime boys. 

time looper! learned love and kindness through a grisly cycle of death and rebirth. now it's ALL about the fragility of the human heart, babyyyy!

A feeling of void was also a type of hurt? She clearly didn’t even think of it like that. There’s a look of realization when he says that and then she lowers her gaze to her hands. They’re folded neatly on her lap. She hadn’t realized, but she had been twirling a strand of long blond hair between her right index finger. She feels his eyes on her and so she looks up to look at him. 

“I do like music…But even that would be temporary, wouldn’t it?” Didn’t he want something that would last a life time? The kind of filling that would last for eternity? Not some temporary kind?

Today, Kaworu has come to a quiet spot on the outskirts of Fibonacci Ward’s surface to practice his levitation. He had felt the tangible power of his A.T. Field weaken considerably when he arrived here, even before being informed of the restrictions which had somehow been placed on him, and he’s curious as to how such a shift may have changed him. 

One, two. Utilising the A.T. Field should be as easy as breathing, but he’s apprehensive- last time, not very long ago at all, a shift in his A.T. Field had been what got him killed. He closes his eyes as the familiar power surrounds him.

It’s been a few days now, and Kaworu is starting to get the hang of this place. He knows how to get to and from the apartment without hassle, and has even successfully introduced himself to one of his roommates. He figured out pretty quickly that language barriers here were practically non-existent, and thanks to the books he’s borrowed, he has a base understanding of the island’s structure, and even some of its history.

What he still doesn’t understand is why he’s here, and the lack of purpose is making him a little restless. He realises he’s going to need to talk to people if he wants answers, and the first step to that is making sure that he doesn’t seem so out of place as to be unapproachable. 

So it is that this evening he is wandering a shopping district in Fibonacci Ward, observing its citizens and searching for something new to wear. The school uniform provided to him by SEELE, an exact duplicate of all the ones before it, is starting to feel a little... itchy, particularly around the collar. The problem is that there’s almost too much choice, and, as amusing as that concept is, it’s starting to stress him out slightly. So he does the only thing he can think of, and decides to approach someone for help. Scanning the area quickly, he spots a boy who he thinks must be just a couple of years older than him. Perfect- maybe this person will know what store he should go to! He approaches with a casual grin and his hands in his pockets, attempting to emulate the friendly, boyish mannerisms which he learned from his classmates and so heavily relied upon in some of the loops.

Her own eyes follows to look at the sky. She’s quiet, taking in what he says about loneliness and taking in the scenery. “Does loneliness hurt? The feeling? I only know of it feeling empty. There’s no pain, just…nothing. But I don’t like the feeling.” She wants to feel something.

“When I climb high places like trees, or when I grab seashells by the beach or even look at bugs, flowers, anything I like…it’s only a temporary release from the feeling of feeling lonely.” She turns her head to look at the stranger, “What about you?”

Her questions are so simple, so raw and so - perhaps ironically - human. It’s a subject that he has spent a lot of time mulling over, drifting half-awake in LCL fluid in SEELE’s laboratories, by the shore, and on the moon’s cold surface. “Feeling that you can’t feel... worrying that loneliness is only a void inside your soul. That, too, is a type of hurt. Even before you realise it, the ‘you’ locked deep in your heart is crying for you. Like a newborn, it begs for your attention. Like a sapling, it needs help in order to grow.”

The second part of her question is easier to answer. He tears his eyes away from the sky and meets her gaze, expression falling back into a gentle smile.

     “ lilin? well, i don’t know exactly what you mean by that, big brother, but i’ve got more books like that one in your hand. ”  the boy speaks over his shoulder as he scopes out the fridge before ultimately deciding on a pastry of some kind, filled with cream cheese and fruit jam. he takes it, tucking a carton of orange juice into the space between his chest and forearm, then turns and nudges the fridge door closed with a tap of his heel.      on his toes, he begins by reaching for a glass from the cupboard. it appears as though he’s gotten used to preparing meals for himself in the mornings, though only the more simple variety. one tends to, after living in quarters like these for a while.

     “ you can read those ones if you want. i finished them already, and i’ve got some time before they have to be returned to the library. so help yourself. ”

“You don’t mind?” He isn’t used to information being so freely given. He takes note of his new roommate’s choice in food: simple and a little childish, but with a touch of sophistication. His efforts to reach the higher cupboards without asking for assistance give off the impression of someone who is either highly confident, or frustrated by their own shortcomings. Stroking his fingers over the cover of the complex text in his hands, Kaworu feels that this person should not be taken lightly- yet he does not seem dishonest, and the Angel cannot think of a reason not to accept.

“I see. Thank you. I’ll take good care of them.” 

She…doesn’t like that. She doesn’t know what she doesn’t like about what he said, but she just doesn’t like it at all. She definitely hides it well though. Instead her head tilts and she asks, “In what way are you hurting?” She places the mirror down, her ears are good as new, the wires that stuck out are back in and those ears make a whirling noise as they twitch, only temporary with the sounds at least.

Was feeling lonely a hurt? For her, that was something she felt on a daily basis. Lonelyness. The unsatiable emptiness. No matter what she did it wasn’t filling up. Maybe ONE day she’ll find something. Until then, would she continue hurting?

Look at what this stranger’s done. Has her thinking all kinds of questions for herself. Time to mask it with her own questions.

“There’s no injuries on you, so are you hurting somewhere else? Maybe inside?”