You cannot damn promise me to pay for a damn funeral and then leave a message on my phone saying you don't have the money now
Not when it's my fucking father who what? Committed suicide in a forest? Accidentally overdosed? Never left any explanation for anyone
Who I have been so mad at
For what he's done to me
But yet I still decided a funeral was the best choice so everyone could say goodbye properly
Everyone, an entire family who never gave two shits about me anyway
And so he could leave in the best way possible
Even though I had the damn option to say no and let the government pay and decide everything
I'm your damn grandchild
I've taken care of all the fucking paperwork, talked to everyone
I was the one whose door the police knocked on and told me that my father had been found dead
You gave a promise to help pay the funeral
Because that's the one thing I couldn't do
But just like the rest of that fucking family you break a promise
Urgh
And now I'm left with waiting for you to pick up your fuxking phone and listen to your excuse
With anxiety blowing up my fucking body
Because I can't say no
No, I already know I'll be supportive, understanding and tell you I'll take care of the rest
Because his fucking child
My father screwed me over so hard
That saying no, keeping him to his promise
Is fucking impossible
All while I'm still stuck dealing with the emotional train running me over every night with haunting images of all of this
When the fuck will I be allowed to heal









