dance of the phoenix

Dance of the Phoenix characters + The Onion horoscopes

*by a biased and unreliable narrator

Part Three: The Rest

First Elder of the Darknight Court

A spiritual elder in the Darknight Court. No name given. While loyal to Lord Demon, he seems to genuinely care about Yu Mingye, covering for him when he failed a mission and got drunk, giving him love advice, and tending to his injuries whether sustained during a mission or dealt out by Lord Demon. He still abandons Yu Mingye on the orders of Lord Demon, however, at the moment when Mingye probably needed him the most.

Master Fang

Xuan Yi’s grandpa. One of the masters at Junwu Academy. Wu Youdao’s rival in chess to the point where they play floating spiritual glowing chess. Is old but can still kick ass. Enjoys fishing. Is prepared to make a last stand against Lord Demon in the Battle for Junwu.

Master Zhao

Another master at Junwu Academy. Dislikes Feng Wu, until Wu Youdao points out that the test he’s raving about is Feng Wu’s. Takes part in the Battle for Junwu.

Dean Ning

Dean of Junwu Academy. Master of healing. The Holy Sovereign’s physician. Is murdered by Wu Youdao in revenge for a slight decades ago. Feng Wu is framed for his murder.

Feng Yiran

Young master of the Feng clan. Feng Wu’s cousin. Keeps trying to marry her off to anyone with even a semblance of political power. A dickhead but not as much of a dickhead as his sister.

Feng Liu

Sixth Young Lady of the Feng clan, meaning she’s one step below Feng Wu and hates it. Detests Feng Wu and is insanely envious of everything Feng Wu has and does. Tries to kill or at least disfigure Feng Wu in various duels. She even poisons Feng Wu at one point. Wields both a sword and a red whip, giving me serious Domme vibes. Is the mastermind behind the various evil schemes she and her brother commit. Jun Linyuan powers down their cultivation bases in response to Feng Liu’s constant attacks on Feng Wu. When Yu Mingye learns she’s still bullying Feng Wu, he kidnaps her and fastens her to a wall with her face painted like a cat. Looks like Song Jiyang at some angles.

Master Yin

Master of the Celestial Palace. Zuo Qingluan’s mentor and Zhao Ge’s mother. Shimei to Queen Sheng. Helped Zuo Qingluan cover up the murder of Feng Wu and conceal her theft of the Phoenix Blood. Banishes her daughter from the Capital for being weak in cultivation. Is harsh and unforgiving. What even are those eyebrows.

Miss Wolf/The White Wolf

A 1000 year old white wolf who is able to shift into human form. Falls in love with a human man and is pregnant with pups for 20 years. Yikes. When her human lover kills himself because his family won’t allow them to be together, Miss Wolf goes on a murderous rampage. Mu Jiuzhou locks her in the Baiding Mountain. Can only speak in ridiculous howls but somehow Zhao Ge is Dr Doolittle and can understand her. Goes on another murderous rampage after Lord Demon kills her pups. The bastard.

The Peerless Tower Trio

Consisting of musical master Quatrain, fast and stealthy assassin with super hearing Greediness, and the powerful leader of the gang the Shadow Swordmaster. Look, I didn’t name them, okay? After Feng Wu uses her wits and skill (and some training from Yu Mingye and cheat codes from Coloured Phoenix) to defeat them, they become loyal allies to her, and show up at the Battle for Junwu to even the odds a little. Shadow Swordmaster somehow collects a gaggle of Junwu students during the fight.

Part One: The Youngsters

*by a very biased and unreliable narrator

Part Two: The Adults**

**and a magical bird

Holy Queen Gao Sheng

The mastermind behind all the evil plots going on. Hates cultivators, despite being an allegedly powerful one herself, and uses the cultivators to destroy each other. Jun Linyuan’s step-mother. Gao Wei’s aunt. Zuo Qingluan’s boss and mentor. Has a gorgeous wardrobe. Became evil after Mu Jiuzhou rejected her love in favour of becoming immortal. Has been slowly poisoning her husband for years to take over his throne. May have a thing going on with Lord Demon. Also called Ziyan by her nephew and Lord Demon, so I’m assuming that’s her birth name and Sheng is her courtesy name.

Lord Demon

Lord of the Darknight Court. Yu Mingye’s father. Definitely not in the running for the Dad of the Year award. Values power above all else, including his son. In cahoots with Queen Sheng. Helps convert Zuo Qingluan to the Dark Side. He’s strict and both physically and mentally abusive toward Yu Mingye, using the kid as little more than a slave. Disowns and abandons Mingye after he’s seriously injured, branding him “Useless”. Apparently does love Yu Mingye in his own weird way as he’s unable to kill him at a critical moment. No actual name given but I’m guessing “Lord Demon” is the title of the master of the Darknight Court because no parents would actually name their kid “Lord Demon”. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess his surname is “Yu”. Killed some puppies, that’s how evil he is.

Mu Jiuzhou

The only cultivator to achieve immortality but was interrupted during his ascension, causing him to fall into a coma inside the Dragon Phoenix Spirit Ring. Or something. Hero and first ruler of the Qianyuan Continent. Feng Wu’s Master. Spends most of his time asleep or appearing in Feng Wu’s subconscious to guide her. The only person to scare Lord Demon. Thankfully no relation to Mu Yao.

Colour Phoenix/Firecloud Giant Hawk

Was a badass Firecloud Giant Hawk that protected the Celestial Fruit in the Frozen Forest. Upon Feng Wu retrieving the Fruit, he goes to live inside the Dragon Phoenix Spirit Ring with Mu Jiuzhou, in the form of a little blue sparrow with a squeaky voice. Claims to be a phoenix. Acts as Feng Wu’s spirit guide and delivers her information and help at critical moments. Annoying to the point of endearment.

Holy Sovereign

King of the Qianyuan Continent. Well-meaning but kind of useless. Jun Linyuan’s dad. Does better at fatherhood than Lord Demon, but still not in the running for the Dad of the Year award either. When poisoning failed to kill him, he was simply overthrown by Queen Sheng and Lord Demon, and subsequently imprisoned. Seems to have been released so is king once more? No name given.

Gao Wei

Queen Sheng’s nephew and her righthand man when it comes to evil schemes. Head of the palace guards. Surprisingly loyal to his aunt. Was taken hostage but nobody cared. Total scumbag. Killed by a magical fan.

Wu Youdao

Bears the moniker of Ageless Child despite being both old and an adult. Very powerful master cultivator. Master Fang’s rival in chess. Has been holding a grudge against Dean Ning for decades and eventually takes a job as Junwu Academy’s librarian so that he can murder Ning and destroy the Academy. Realised Feng Wu’s actual identity and helps her discover who she is. Would’ve actually been a great mentor for her had he not hulked-out and died in a pointless bid for revenge.

Madam Feng

Feng Wu’s mother. Spends most episodes looking worried. Knows Feng Wu #2 isn’t really Feng Wu but doesn’t say anything, and continues to be a loving mother towards Feng Wu #2 regardless. Plunged her hands into fire to rescue her daughter’s necklace, knowing how precious it is to her. Take notes, Lord Demon, that’s how parenting is done.

Qiu Ling*

The Feng family’s maid and Feng Wu’s close friend. Is often an accomplice in Feng Wu’s trickery. Very loyal to Feng Wu. Teaches Feng Xun how to cook.

*I know Qiu Ling is around Feng Wu’s age but she wouldn’t fit on the other list.

Old Man Ba

Medicinal cultivator and renowned doctor. Teaches medicine and healing to Feng Wu. Might be an alcoholic. Is very much like a grandfather to Feng Wu. Has some of the best reaction shots in the show. Wonderfully sarcastic. Helps Feng Wu regain her cultivation base by using the Celestial Fruit to create the Nine Transformation Spirit Restoration Pill. Lives for Feng Wu’s cooking.

Part One: The Youngsters

Lord Demon’s Parenting Tips #3: Ensure your child knows that crying is not acceptable in any circumstance; not even when you’ve been struck by lightning, lost an arm, or failed to be the one to save the girl you love.

For younger kids, this pleasant nursery rhyme will help cement this lesson in their minds:

Keep your tears in your eyes

Where they belong;

To remind yourself just

Sing this song:

You better live in fear

That if daddy sees your tears,

He’ll best your ass