⊹ ࣪ ﹏⏅﹏﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖ @andiv3r-archived - Tumblr Blog

Deleting tumblr for an unknown amount of time. Maybe but hopefully not forever. I had decided this a while back but didn't want to make anything "official" in case I changed my mind, but. Yeah. There's not really anything else that could happen at this point. Either I get my shit together and come back, or this blog stays as an archive of everything I've created up until now. Either way, I appreciate everyone on here who's been so kind since I joined. It's been fun. See ya around.

also my old pinned since i'm pinning this

💬 4 🔁 0 ❤️ 28 · andiver's strawpage · disclaimer(?) i do not like ship discourse, i do not believe that what you depict in fiction reflec

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vent post warning.

#i love.all my friends so much. i love everyone . ilove you guys.#dumb post to ramble on but it needs to be said i'm sorry.if uou're a friend i haven't talked to much or at all lately. i'm Really Sorry.#i'm scared and i don't really know what to do and i've been spending all of my time. bouncing between talking to like maybe five people #total #not counting servers #and i Want to start reaching out to people again but it doesn't feel.possible right now #it doesn't feel like i'd be doing any good #i kind of feel like. it'd be a lot better if i just cut contact with Everyone #ive already stopped leaving my house so it's not even that big of a step. what if i just disappeared. yknow #but i won't because that would scare.the people who care about me.#because i have those.somehow. even though i don't deserve people who care about me i Have Them. so i can't disappear #i hope everyone leaves and finds better friends someday. on one hand i know this is the disorders talking because i wouldn't think #that someone who was in my exact scenario but just Wasn't Me didn't deserve friends. but i think that of myself.#but on the other hand i really just want to lean into it and just let them talk #but i dunno. here i am doing the exact thing i'm so paranoid about. talking about Scary Bad Things in a place where people can see and i ca #be a bad influence and cause harm because if i don't isolate myself from everyone i'll wind up hurting them. because that's what i do.#i can't do anything right. i can't even be angry about anything because then i just feel Guilty #what am i even mad about. can i even remember? do i even remember?#i don't have a right to be angry. no one did anything wrong. why can't i move on. why can't i move on.#i love everyone.but i wish so badly that no one loved me so that i didn't have to hold on #i'm tired of being scared all the time. of being convinced that one wrong move #one accident.#will hurt someone in ways i didn't anticipate and make me irredeemable in the eyes of everyone who ever saw the good in me #i'm so sick of waiting for it to happen. i don't want to wait. i don't want to keep meeting new people and loving them and knowing #that one day i'll fuck it up #i'll do something and make them hate me and i'll lose them and it'll happen over and over and over and over again #i always do #half the time i don't even know what i've done but that doesn't make it any less obvious when the messages start slowing down #and then stopping #i don't know. maybe i'm just broken. i'm going to bed

I like the silly fish man from the silly fish game now

#sebastian solace . from pressure.#andiv3r rambles #im deleting tumblr agai now goobye everyone #see you next time i'm feeling weird and decide to turn to the site that makes it worse atleast 70% of the time #not this time though... so...

*offers you a cookie* /nf

i gotta be honest i redownloaded this site mid despair spiral because i didnt know what to do and this knocked me right out of it

#🍪 cookie for meeeeee . yay and yippee #dunno what it was about seeing this ask as the first thing after logging back on but it was like Oh!#not time to explode. i am being offered Cookie. things are Good.#ive been asked

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I just thought of it, if you want a place to talk to me. My discord is andiv_r and I am always open to people adding me, especially if we're already mutuals on tumblr.

#I'm on there at least once a day while I'm only on tumblr #like... three days out of every week #at most.#i keep forgetting that my discord isn't in my intro post anymore. if we're mutuals on here PLEASE feel free to add me there #andiv3r rambles

natequarter

sorry to anyone who followed me for anything, ever. you are not getting that.

Hi, thanks for the follow back

Just popping in to say I had a scroll on your art blog, and I adore your art style❤️

Awawww thank you !!!

#maybe.if i get actually back into tumblr i maybe should start posting the things i draw again #instead of hoarding them to myself forever gjgfhfg #ive been asked

I don't think being alive is supposed to hurt this much but maybe I'm just doing it wrong

#andiv3r rambles #meant emotionally but can also apply to physical pain

Not cavetown crazy like I used to be but there are a few songs like Guilty and Candle that hit me like a semi truck every time I listen to them and I just think that's neat

#it's because they're both about that same . paranoia and dread and doom and despair that has been running my life for the last few months #hhhhhhhh #andiv3r rambles

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The Me loves you and hopes you're doing well

:,] ouhhhgh . 🫵 I loves. The Me. And i.m doing as well as I can be .

#waahhghb #ive been asked

your girl so dongle she sprongle (whips out my

😟 whips out your what.... WHIPS OUT YOUR WHAT

#this made me laugh #ive been asked

I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU SO MUCH i care about you Love and Joy And Peace

:( I love youu I miss you too.

#i probably need to like. dm uou specifically. and ashh. and explain whats went on here #because i . intended to do it once it started getting Better but it doesnt seem like. it's going to. so.#it seems really unfair to not explain #ive been asked

I have a drivers license now

#andiv3r rambles

Plurality is some fucking bullshit because what do you mean I can have a person who was an important part of my life for a long time and one day my brain decides to zap a fuckin shadow realm version of that person up in there so that they can tell me I'm bad at cooking.

#what is this. what even is this #andiv3r rambles

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Are you alive?

Debatable

#yeah i'm alive don't worry #just in a sort of limbo #i'm trying to get back to tumblr but it's not. fun . for me anymore #the only thing i really truly miss about it is my friends and most of them i'm either already in contact with in discord or #for some of them. i have reasons why talking to them could cause me to return to the Doom Spiral.#and i dunno about you. but i personally am Not fond of the doom spiral.

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve talked to you <3 happy birthday my friend, I hope you have/had a wonderful day

Aruee i didnt get to this until now. But it's completely fine, i. Also haven't talked to. A Lot Of People in a while. :,] i hope we Can actually talk again soon fhjhn

#ive been asked

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