Sirius

chudej nocy motylki!!

!wyzwanie nie jest wymyslone przezemnie!

Ironic isn't it?

>_<

You're sad that you're fat, so you eat? It doesn't make sense. I'm sad that I'm fat, so I eat. No matter how much food I fill my lungs with, the air stays the same. The same air that I inhaled when I was a kid, the air i exhaled when I had my first heartbreak. The sadness that consumed my thoughts and weighed me down when I first met my obsession. Having an illness that constantly compares me to those around me is the very thing i live for; that I breath for. Middle school, being weighed in gym, I remember vividly. The extra oil that my mother cooked the broccoli in, I remember vividly. Punching and banging my head hoping that I would finally have the willpower, strength, determination, illness. I have fully convinced myself that I do not have a "real" problem. I am not underweight. I do not have a thigh gap. I do not pass out. I have a "normal" BMI. No one is concerned about me. Am i faking it? of course I'm not. I have had this thing in my head for years, and it wont go away? Am i doing it wrong? I have studied every recovery video and every triggering post, every girl who has struggled with it, learning their ways silently in the dark room that I hide in, scared to leave in fear of the glowing refrigerator light. I am worthless. I want something this so bad. I need to be thin. I need to scare people. but why? I exhale, I inhale, all day long, and my lungs stay the same. I'm at peace. Until, I turn my doorhandle and exhale with regret because I know what is about to happen, and so does the voice in my head, who has once again failed to make me perfect. I fill my mouth with fruit, crackers, almond milk. Then one cookie (158), another cookie? No. Stop. What am I doing? I can't keep doing this. I CANT KEEP DOING THIS.

Skip dinner, wake up 🦋thinner

2025 i will get skinny 2025 i will get skinny

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