Ok but Ilya not realizing until much later that he hurt Shane with things heâd done in the past
One day it randomly comes up as Ilya says something about a time he acted like a dick and Shane is just like âEh itâs ok, looking back I understand now that you were in a âIâm going to hurt you before you can hurt meâ mindset and thatâs why you acted like that.â
And Ilya is staring at him and Shane asks whatâs wrong and Ilya goes âI hurt you?â And Shaneâs just like well yeah but it was forever ago donât worry about it. But Ilya is worrying about it because back when heâd done the various hurtful things heâd been in downward spirals where he was convinced he didnât have the ability to hurt Shane because he didnât matter enough to Shane to hurt him, so he didnât think the way he acted had any negative effects. And now heâs turning pale and his eyes are getting big as heâs realizing that oh god when he did those things he hurt his favorite person and he hadnât even realized it
He makes Shane tell him the different times it happened and Shane doesnât really want to because clearly this is just going to upset Ilya more, but hiding it or lying is probably also going to make things worse in the long run so itâs better to get it out now. So he mentions Ilya ghosting him after they had sex, and then how Ilya acted in Sochi, and that whole night in Vegas, and âI like you⌠Not as a person, obviouslyâ
And the whole time Ilya is silently nodding and looking like he wants to throw up because no no no those werenât supposed to be things that hurt Shane, those were supposed to be things that bounced off Shane without affecting him because they were only ever meant to hurt or protect himself, Shane was never supposed to have been hurt by those and fuck how did he not see in the moment the way that he was actively hurting Shane by doing that
And now itâs even worse because Shane wonât even be mad at him about it, he keeps insisting on being understanding and not upset and trying to make Ilya feel better when in fact Ilya is the worst most awful person in the world who should be punished for eternity for making 22 year old floppy haired baby Shane SAD like some kind of MONSTER
The next Galina session Shane is also there with Ilya who has his head in his hands and Shane is just like ok so we may have accidentally stepped on a landmine the other night-














