a musing displacement

One day it randomly comes up as Ilya says something about a time he acted like a dick and Shane is just like “Eh it’s ok, looking back I understand now that you were in a ‘I’m going to hurt you before you can hurt me’ mindset and that’s why you acted like that.”

And Ilya is staring at him and Shane asks what’s wrong and Ilya goes “I hurt you?” And Shane’s just like well yeah but it was forever ago don’t worry about it. But Ilya is worrying about it because back when he’d done the various hurtful things he’d been in downward spirals where he was convinced he didn’t have the ability to hurt Shane because he didn’t matter enough to Shane to hurt him, so he didn’t think the way he acted had any negative effects. And now he’s turning pale and his eyes are getting big as he’s realizing that oh god when he did those things he hurt his favorite person and he hadn’t even realized it

He makes Shane tell him the different times it happened and Shane doesn’t really want to because clearly this is just going to upset Ilya more, but hiding it or lying is probably also going to make things worse in the long run so it’s better to get it out now. So he mentions Ilya ghosting him after they had sex, and then how Ilya acted in Sochi, and that whole night in Vegas, and “I like you… Not as a person, obviously”

And the whole time Ilya is silently nodding and looking like he wants to throw up because no no no those weren’t supposed to be things that hurt Shane, those were supposed to be things that bounced off Shane without affecting him because they were only ever meant to hurt or protect himself, Shane was never supposed to have been hurt by those and fuck how did he not see in the moment the way that he was actively hurting Shane by doing that

And now it’s even worse because Shane won’t even be mad at him about it, he keeps insisting on being understanding and not upset and trying to make Ilya feel better when in fact Ilya is the worst most awful person in the world who should be punished for eternity for making 22 year old floppy haired baby Shane SAD like some kind of MONSTER

Gwyneth Philips has herself a 41 save shutout and the Charge are in the playoffs!

firstly, mic'd up is never aired live, concurrently with normal commentary??? that's not a thing

mic'd up is never aired, period. it's on youtube, generally posted by each team

its usually only a few minutes long. absolutely no one is posting entire games, for so many reasons, including but not limited to: pr problems (no team is going to post their players saying controversial shit), copyright (the full game available for free on youtube??? no), it would be so boring, etc)

all of this is to say: SHANE AND ILYA ARE NOT GETTING PUBLICLY AND ACCIDENTALLY OUTED VIA MIC'D UP

the only people it would out them to would be the people who listen to and edit the recordings, who would then be making the active choice to out them or not

means of definition

also on ao3 here if you’d like to drop me a kudos or a comment!

Ilya is a generational talent. Ottawa could write in the LMIA that no Canadian hockey player available at the time was as good as him. And IRCC (Inmigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada) would likely agree. The other best player in Ilya’s position is Shane. Who already has a contract with Montreal and thus isn’t available to Ottawa.

LMIAs with permanent residency (thus, leading to citizenship) are almost as rare as unicorns, but they do happen occasionally. My dentist is an American whose family moved to Vancouver during the first Trump administration. Her husband was a STEM professor at an Ivy League university, doing cutting edge research.

The University of British Columbia (UBC) argued in their LMIA for him that this American researcher was someone whose job simply couldn’t be filled by a Canadian. His job was simply too specialized. And it worked. the paperwork took a long time to come through, but she, her husband, and their kids were given permanent residency so he could take the UBC job. And I believe they are now citizens.

Whatever contract Ilya negotiated with Ottawa would’ve been contingent on him becoming a permanent resident, not just a temporary foreign worker with no path to citizenship. Ottawa would have lobbied IRCC like hell to get him PR.

Anyway, IRCC doesn’t advertise that you can get PR through an LMIA. There are far too many corrupt immigration consultants out there who convince desperate would-be immigrants out there to bribe them for it. And of course, the paperwork they get is fake. Because people don’t understand that getting an LMIA approved with PR is only for very exceptional cases. Usually an LMIA is only for a temporary foreign worker permit. And that has no path to citizenship.

But the real thing does happen from time to time. IRCC would approve permanent residency for a world-class hockey player willing to move to a thoroughly mediocre Canadian team. There would be paperwork and it would take a while, but they’d do it.

Explanatory note:

So, Hayden breaks the news that Shane and Ilya kissing has now become public property to anyone with an internet connection and the insight we receive into Shane's reaction to this news through his POV is that "Shane's stomach plummeted. […] Shane couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t swallow. He was going to die from choking on his own saliva. [...] He was choking on rage and fear and humiliation, and trying to remember how to swallow." So, essentially, a pretty classic panic response.

May I remind you that Shane has been terrified of coming out for the entirety of the book? And, sure, he and Ilya have decided that they will do it this summer but that's still months away and we haven't really seen him work through is actual feelings on that - which I know is because Rachel isn't interested in exploring that but I can justify it internally with Shane pushing back his processing because it's a problem for a later date - Only, now they're out. No two ways about it. And once again, he didn't get the chance to tell people on his own terms. Once again, he was forced into it through circumstances outside of his control.

And Ilya's reaction to this is to reassure Hayden that it's okay, that they were going to come out anyway soon enough "but now [they] do not have to", and that it was their own fault for not having been more careful. Now, that last part is what really gets me because I read Shane as being entirely too prone to self-blame and here Ilya is, not only failing to help Shane through his worst nightmare becoming a reality but actively saying it's his fault that they're in this situation (their joint fault but still, there is no way Shane doesn't internalise that).

Hayden tells them "the video is fucking everywhere," that people's reactions are "mostly, like, 'what the fuck?' or 'holy fucking shit' or 'is this a fucking joke?'" That there are people who think Shane should not be allowed to attend practice with the team and, presumably, think he should be benched or dropped. That their teammates reactions are along the same lines, and that "practice is going to be weird this afternoon", if he's even allowed to attend it. At no point during that conversation does Ilya attempt to check in with Shane emotionally.

Even after Hayden leaves, he still doesn't ask how Shane feels or try to provide him with comfort. Instead he pulls up the video and laughs about it. I get that Rachel was trying to get him to diffuse the situation with humour and, supposedly, he succeeds at that since Ilya manages to get Shane to laugh too, but if that's going to be the approach then you need to give it more conscious thought and be more deliberate in engaging Shane in seeing the funny side of the situation. As is, his laughter here reads, to me, as a slightly hysterical panic response or him trying to mimic Ilya because he feels that's the "correct reaction" to have.

Ilya suggests calling their agent and Shane ends that call feeling "numb" at which point this conversation occurs, with absolutely no pacing, immediately after the phone call ends: Ilya: “Farah will help.” Shane: “I’m worried she can’t.” Ilya: “I know. I have to go back to Ottawa now. Our plane leaves in a few hours.” Ilya asks if Shane will be okay, he says no, he'll be "a fucking mess", he asks if Shane thinks his team will be okay with the news and Shane tells him "Probably not at first. I don’t think Coach is going to be okay with it. Or management. Or, like, anyone."

Ilya has no words of encouragement, no moment where he allows Shane to freak out about this, no actual check in over the fact that Shane's life has imploded and he's now left to sort out the debris. He just kisses his hand, tells him "one thing at a time," and then he leaves.

There is literally no way for me to read that as anything other than callous and insensitive and I just don't buy it, not from my Ilya. My Ilya has more emotional intelligence than that. My Ilya recognises Shane's anxiety and knows how to support him through it. My Ilya would never fucking downplay the dumpster fire of the leak to this degree and then just leave Shane to deal with the fallout which, crucially, Ilya knows will be worse for Shane than for him. He doesn't actually anticipate any problems with his own team, he says so himself.