hello my old heart

Amias stared intently at the screen in front of him, then glanced to the woman next to him, then back at the screen. There were a series of scrawlings written along the surface, and he recognized some of the letters, but not enough to form coherent sentences. So much for understanding our progress. 

He cleared his throat, cheeks warming as he spoke, “Can you, uh, tell me what’s going on here?”

as soon as the figure stepped out of the shadows, relief and comfort overcame rey, and she let out a strangled breath of joy. already tears began to pool in the backs of her eyes as she just stared at him in shock. no more glass between them; nothing could stop them from having a proper reunion anymore. a sob escaped her as he began running towards her, and all she could do was hold her arms out like a small child, letting her staff fall loudly to the floor when he knocked it. she melted into his embrace, shuddering as memories began to flood back into her mind. these arms were so familiar and warm and tender; she had been craving his touch for years, and now that she finally had it, she never wanted to be without it. she laughed happily as he spun her around, burying her face deeply into his shoulder until he held it in his hands. she froze, however, as she felt his nose brush against her own, holding her breath at the closeness that she had only been used to with ben for so long. before she could even really react, though, another, more substantial, thing happened. his lips were on hers. they had been many times before, it was nothing new, but… it could no longer happen. however, just the feeling of them again was heartbreaking, as she’d never thought she’d be allowed to feel them ever again, and more tears fell down her cheeks as she remained frozen. she couldn’t kiss back, of course, but she also couldn’t pull away. her mind was on overdrive, still unable to process what was truly happening. finally, rey backed away, her back gently hitting the wall, and pursed her lips before shaking her head swiftly, attempting to come up with an excuse. “i… i-i can’t get you s-sick…” she murmured shakily. it still held truth to it, but she still could not bring herself to admit that she was with ben. it would hurt him too badly, and she did not want to cause him pain. never would she allow herself to do such a thing.

If he were more perceptive, he might have noticed the changes in her behavior for what they were. But instead, Amias was left hopeful, with longing in his heart and the sound of his blood whirring in his ears. He took a step back, gripped the nape of his neck. Maybe that was too much in too short an amount of time. He must have overwhelmed her-- and in her current state? This was all too much, surely.

Good going, nerf-herder. “You’re out here breathing the same air as me, love, your germs are probably cooking inside me as we speak.” But still, he didn’t push it. Instead he let loose a sigh and pointed at a nearby seat. “You need to sit. Please, you could barely stand.”

He lacked foresight in encouraging her to do this. And now-- “You should have let me come and join you. Who knows what could happen now. You’ve been in here, we both have... and everything could be contaminated. Can they even examine contaminated work?” Amias’s head came back. He stared at the ceiling. “Kriff, I think we just did a very bad thing in here.”

Oh, if only he knew just how bad it all really was.

“What are you trying to achieve in here, Rey?” The words didn’t berate her, rather they were a genuine curiosity. What were either of them doing now? Amias had no place in this, but she did. He looked at her and gave a curt nod. “I’m still able-bodied. Go sit. I’ll be your hands, and legs, or whatever else you need. Just tell me what to do to help you.”

It should be noted that at no point did Amias mention to the others that he intended to break into the quarantine zone. And why would he? He was a loose screw in a ship’s central hull, a piece of debris hanging too closely by a wind turbine. Translation: It was more than likely that he would ruin a whole lot without doing much.

Hurrying through the halls with a conspicuous box of assorted tools (at least he was handy), Amias took what was arguably the sharpest of sharp turns down the hall. He slammed into someone and dropped his box, sending metal tools and various packaged dried goods flying. Uh-oh. This can’t look good.

“Sorry, sorry!” Amias quickly dropped to a knee, gathering everything. He hastily looked up at the man he hit and cleared his throat. “You know, halls, roads, the sky, the accidents are no different.” He tossed a wrench into the box, put on a tight-lipped smile. ‘Keep right’ they told me but I always went left. Not a great plan.”

it had been months since she’d used her staff, but it seemed to be the most useful thing right now, in terms of a walking stick. the maker knew she would never be able to even step on her own without it. she also had on her ahch-to poncho, with the hood up, in attempt to keep herself hidden. but she was out of breath and sweating bullets now, and her stomach still stirred, as she approached the area where the team had been searching for the cure. even if her vision was blurred and she was wavering on her feet, she could still help. as she began sifting through things, rey let out a few hearty coughs, but did not bother to suppress them. it was late at night, and she doubted that anyone would be around here at this time. until she heard the door open, causing her to freeze in place then turn around like a fathier caught in headlights. she was surely in trouble now.

FOR THOSE SEARCHING…

It was like he’d said: he was going to find a way inside the quarantine zone. The only issue was that-- well-- unless Amias intended on admitting himself in (which would have likely been easy, but likely boring top) everything was particularly secure. Damn the wealthy and people doing their jobs. Dejected, Amias retired, thinking that if he couldn’t get in and see Rey, he might as well check in on any progress being made with the cure.

He entered the room, head hung, feeling equal parts useless and filthy and--

There she was. 

Amias blinked once. Surely he was imagining things? But no, this was... real. And all at once, a wave of emotions swept over him. Relief. Excitement. Belonging and love. He was that boy from Jakku again, and she was the only girl in the galaxy, and he ran to her. He knocked her staff with his shoulder when his arms wrapped around her frail form. Pulling her in close, Amias took in a deep breath of her scent, of sunlight now tinged with sickness. Still, it wasn’t enough for him. “Rey,” he murmured against her hair. “Rey, Rey, Rey...”

A mantra that he couldn’t keep from echoing. He swept her up from her feet (was she always so light?) and spun her around once, twice, then set her down. He cupped her face with both hands. The tip of his nose brushed against hers.

“Rey,” he breathed. And then, the moment he longed for ever since he saw her on the other side of that glass:

Amias put his mouth on hers. A perfect, ill-fated kiss.

rey froze at his words, her jaw dropping slowly as she looked at him. that… that was permission. was it not? he just told her to do it. her eyes were still wide as she glanced over her shoulder, making sure no one ( especially not ben ) was looking. at his next suggestion, though, rey looked back at him swiftly again, beginning to laugh in both amusement and sadness at the very idea. until he clarified he was serious. she paused for a few moments, truly considering it, but bit her lip and shook her head swiftly. “i-i can’t let you get sick… n-not when you just came back to me… people have been dying from this illness, amias…” she whispered, her heart heavy.

“People die every single day-- there could be a meteor soaring through space right now, ready to blow Naboo into pieces. And if that happens, we’ll die just like this: separated,” he lowered his voice, tapping the pad of his index finger against the glass. “I’ve been sick before, I lived. If I come in there, and I kiss you, and I catch a cold, it’ll have been worth it.” He flashed a reassuring smile and stood. “So, do you want to show me to the front door?”

“yeah,” rey laughed bashfully, then turned it off and set it on the floor beside her before pushing her hands to the glass once again. she laughed even harder, becoming flooded with memories of him eliciting giggle after giggle from her, even if she was sick or starving on jakku. but when his tone became deeper, she bit her lip and sighed as well, heart clenching at the familiar nickname. she hadn’t heard it in years, but she never wanted him to stop saying it. “i missed you so much…” she whispered, pressing her forehead to the glass and biting down on her lip. “i-i wish i could be out there with you… it’s-… i-i need to see you…”

“You’re seeing me right now.”But he understood the meaning to her words. He wanted for them to hold each other close, and act as if letting one another go would mean the end of everything. He just had to hold her and tell himself that it wouldn’t be for the last time. He needed to hold her again. Just once more... “If you want to come here, turn that thing back on and carve a hole in the glass. Or better yet--” He began craning his neck, examining the room around them. “It’s probably easier to break in there than out, don’t you think? I’ll come to you. Nothing’s gonna keep me out. Not death, not even a little flu.” At this point, Amias wasn’t sure if he was serious or not, up until he declared: “I’m not kidding.”

the passing days only rendered ben more and more tired, and it had reached the point where he was either sleeping or wandering around aimlessly, with not much else to do. rey still wouldn’t eat anything, and hux was worrying constantly about the recent news he’d received from amalie (not that ben would have preferred hux’s company, but still, it just might have been a way to keep his mind off of things.) but as he’d been staring out the glass at the other side, at freedom, he’d drifted off, quite a common occurrence for him lately. the unfamiliar voice startled him out of his sleep, and ben rubbed his eyes in annoyance before turning to see where it had come from. a man offering to retrieve him juice? …why? who was this? “i’m exhausted,” ben mumbled, still trying to comprehend why this man had decided to approach him in an almost friendly manner. didn’t he know who he was? or…didn’t he? was it a trick of some sort? “…if you’re planning on poisoning me, at least give me alcohol or something instead.”

He really looked worn out. It tugged at Amias’s heartstrings. Even on Jakku, he couldn’t help from wanting to protect people, from wanting to save those who needed it most. He moved in closer to the glass, then set his supply box down at his feet. “It’s easier to rest over there,” he pointed at the cushioned seats several dozen paces away. “And if I was gonna poison you, you’d never see it coming. You can’t be that important anyhow, sitting around half-dead, like something the sandstorm spit out.” He took a knee so that he was level with the man. “Do you want that juice or not? It might do you some good.”

when he pressed his face to the glass again, rey winced slightly, swearing she could feel him through it. a part of her wondered if the illness was making her delusional, and she was picturing this whole thing. but no; the force never led her in the wrong direction. and right now it was brighter than it had been in a while, confirming that he was truly here with her. “h-he was… incredible, amias… he’s-he’s everything we thought he would be…” maybe, at first, she had been let down, sure, but after his arrival on crait, it proved to her. that he was exactly the hero they’d pictured him to be. “look…” she whispered, peeling her lightsaber off her belt and holding it up so he could see. she’d constructed it with ben’s help after luke’s had split in half, and was double-ended, so two blue blades would extend when she turned it on, making it appear much like her staff. “i-it’s mine…”

On instinct, he jumped back from the lightsaber, mouth agape. He stared at it-- at her-- in awe. Magnificent. That was the only way he could think to describe the sight in front of him. He nodded quickly, his throat now thick, and pointed at the blade.  “Is that what I think it is?” Amias rubbed the nape of his neck. “Kriff, what else have I missed? You aren’t going to tell me that you sprouted wings too, are you? Legends and the Force I can handle, but that might be my limit.” And with the lighthearted words came a heavy sigh. “I missed you, love,” he said on a low breath. “More than anything in the galaxy.”

Lenore shook her head “Very little scares me, I’d just rather not be cooped up in a glass box with others- keeping my health is a priority to avoid that” she added, drawing a red gloved hand on the dusty table “I’m sure that you can agree on. I don’t do well in confined spaces…”

Wasn’t wearing a smaller box on your head just sticking yourself in a confined space? Amias wasn’t sure. And frankly, he didn’t want to ask either. “Well, where I grew up, you got sick and stronger, or you didn’t make it to morning. Guess I never thought too much about my health.” Maybe you should start. “The name’s Amias,” he added as a hasty afterthought, extending a hand to her.

“You might as well ask me if I need to breathe to survive. Of course I do. She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved-- ever will love-- and I’m just glad that I’ve found her again.” 

every single thing. except the one thing she couldn’t tell him; possibly the biggest impact on her life thus far. ben. she smiled wider, now stroking her own fingers over where his face pressed to the glass, and wiped at her drying tears before nodding. she decided to start with the other major thing that had changed her life forever. “…i’m a jedi…” she whispered gently, smiling just a bit wider in anticipation for his surely amazed reaction. “the force… called to me, and… and i was trained by luke skywalker…” together they had read the legends of luke and han and leia and all of them. they’d both just assumed luke was a myth; now he would surely be surprised to hear he was real, and had trained her. 

A Jedi. He blinked at her, the corners of his lips twisting upward. He felt like a child being told an impossible tale, unable to restrain his curiosity and intrigue. Of course the Force would call out to her, recognize her being equally elusive, and bring her greatness. He was surprised, but not shocked. Pride flooded him. He shut his eyes, lowering his chin-- if he imagined hard enough, the glass felt like her brow touching his. “A Jedi. You better not be teasing me right now,” there was laughter in his voice. “That’s amazing-- u-unbelievable. And what happened with Luke Skywaker-- the Luke Skywalker!-- after he trained you? What was he like? Was it like they said in the stories?”