born to be coquette forced to be punkrock

he needs a vision of sex that isnt tainted by the fear of having to live up to someones expectations.

she needs a vision of sex that isnt tainted by the fear of having to live up to someones expectations.

how do they each solve it?

he seeks sex without romance being the main variable-he tries to solve his fear by lessening the variable of romance. without romance, there is no worry to live up to expectations.

she seeks romance without sex being the main variable-she tries to solve her fear by lessening the variable of sex. without sex, she doesnt have to worry about living up to those expectations.

how did they come to these solutions?

he needs an escape from a past relationship- where the amount of love given to him was based off of how attractive, sexual, and good in bed he was. for him, romance was always the issue-he had never had any other experience with sex. he thinks that if he gets rid of the romance aspect, sex will just be sex, not "sex to determine how much i am loved". he wants to have sex to enjoy it.

she needs an escape from a past assault-where emotions or romance never mattered, and neither did her feelings. for her, sex was always the issue-she had never had any other experience with romance. she thinks that if she gets rid of the sex aspect, romance will just be romance, and her emotions will truly matter. she wants to have romance and be more than just her body.

he wants his sexual performance to not matter

she wants her emotions to matter

so,

he wants his emotions to matter

and she wants her sexual performance to not matter

their only difference is how they come about it.

his idea of his emotions mattering is intimacy without the stress of love

her idea of her sexual performance not mattering is romance that stems from a deep emotional bond

they are so different because he has been taught love is being judged for your sex- the more sexual, the more love you receive. because he was in a relationship, he learned that the relationship was the cause of his stress- so his idea of being truly cared for is sex without love- because to him love is a constant pressure on his back. he just wants happiness.

she has been taught that sex might as well be your emotions being ignored. because she was assaulted, she learned sex was the cause of her stress- so her idea of being truly cared for is a pure romance, with equal love that soothes both partners, and no worry of being objectified and sexualized by her partner. for her, being sexualized means her emotions no longer matter. she just wants happiness.