We're all just stories in the end

2026 roommate: The dishwasher's loaded. 1926 roommate, having a black coffee, a cigarette, a shot of whiskey, two uppers and a downer for breakfast: Then what the fuck's he washing dishes for?

take my ass to torture city where the grass is ouch and the girls are hit me

Growing up near the california redwoods gave me some real fucked up standards for how big a tree should be that I am only now in my 30s beginning to unpack

Not gonna lie Seattle, for a very long time I just assumed the trees here were naturally smaller than elsewhere

*walking up to a Douglas fir* "Aww... it's okay little guy. You hang in there. I just know you'll grow up to be big and strong like a real tree some day!"

I love visiting people who have some kind of pet reptile because they're always like "would you like to hold the reptile" and I'm like "of course I would" and then the rest of the conversation happens with me just holding a random reptile and the reptile Has No Feelings about the situation. They always just sit there, probably vaguely wishing to return to their heat lamp but clearly exuding an energy of This Might As Well Happen. and then I put it back in its enclosure and go home and the reptile very clearly has no strong feelings about the situation.

#my environmental science teacher in sophomore year had a classroom snake. and it was exactly like this#just a bunch of teenagers gently passing a snake to each other and doing lab work#and the snake would be like. yup. im just here.

I hate change, I’m scared of change, I need something big in my life to change soon or else I’ll go crazy

des

pa

Man at my job just told me to “hold your little horsies just a little longer ☺️” about the task I’ve been waiting for him to complete or at the very least update me on for six weeks. Brendan, I will fuck your adult son. You’re gonna start seeing me at family Christmas. Horsies in tow.

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

not now mom I have to see what my mutuals with masters degrees are blogging about on tumblr

this is wrong

Yeah, she could’ve done this in her standard Sailor Moon form. Super form is overkill, really.

Sailor Moon is stronger than Goku. I don’t make the rules. Fight me about it.

I’m on a still active forum, with a solid vs debate scene. Sailor Moon vs. the God-Emperor of Mankind from 40k is one of the most treasured threads there, as Sailor Moon trashed the guy.

19 pages straight of debate over Sailor Moon vs. God-Emperor of Mankind, in which every time a 40k fan desperately brings up a new point, it immediately gets negated by another one of Sailor Moon’s powers

AAA video game publisher voice: "Look. The goose layed a golden egg, and that's nice! Everyone loved that egg. But keeping the golden goose means paying for bird feed and I don't want to, so I killed the goose."