Your local KKC trash blog

@someguywithablog

1) neither. The staff is still part of the body so when Gandalf became transfigured, the staff was also transfigured.

2) Gandalf practiced sounding in his youth

They care about power.

We cannot pretend Hogwarts Legacy doesn’t exist.

I have seen so many posts saying that “if you talk about this, you cannot be a real ally. Playing and talking about this game will do real harm to real people. Do not support Hogwarts Legacy.”

And why does this make me angry? Because it’s reductive and doesn’t acknowledge the real world we live in.

Let’s start with the basics: paying for the game financially supports WB and JKR. A boycott aims to harm someone financially, and I believe that not paying for this game is a good goal, with some real measurable results. 

But I’ve seen as many posts condemning someone who would pirate the game. Pirating, which WB Media will count as a loss, doesn’t put money in JKR’s pocket, and therefore accomplishes the goal of a boycott: to hurt someone financially.

What is the goal of convincing people not to pirate the game? To make sure that people don’t play it? To make sure that people don’t talk about it?

I cannot condone this. Because Hogwarts Legacy will not go away, and it is important to talk about it.

Hogwarts Legacy is going to be one of the biggest games of the year, if not the biggest. Presales are through the roof. Millions of people are going to be playing this thing. It is not a commercial failure. It is not going to go away.

By silencing talk about Hogwarts legacy, we are silencing ourselves.

It is important to have a voice in this conversation. By trying to silence all talk about this game, we are shutting down critical discourse. Can a person effectively criticize a piece of media without engaging with it? Because a person plays this game, does that mean they are disqualified from bringing meaningful critical dialogue to the table?

If meaningful critique about this game is not offered, how can we expect to reach people? How can someone expand their thinking if the tools to expand it are not there?

There is so much talk about how engaging with Hogwarts Legacy will bring harm to real people. It is important to think about how our actions can do harm.

But critical engagement is not harmful.

And right now, the gaming press is not providing it.

As I write this (Feb 7 2023), the major outlets (at least the ones willing to touch it) have dropped their reviews. They almost all add some sort of sidebar disclaimer: We do not support JKR’s views on trans people. We support human rights and support people speaking with their wallets. Etc. 

Cool, ok. Are they talking about the plot of the game? The thing that Jews are worried is going to be “Blood Libel Simulator 2023″? No they are not. How are we Jews going to push back on antisemitic content in this game if we don’t even know what’s in it? We need to be able to address what this game is going to be implying about us. Antisemitism is on the rise globally. I am scared for my Jewish family. I had to listen to a Gentile relative tell me over Christmas that Kanye was a ‘genius’. 

Again, millions of people are going to be playing this. Not talking about any antisemitic tropes in it is only going to help them go unchallenged.

Critical works on Harry Potter are valuable. 

Over the past few years, there has been an exceptional body of work put out that returns to Harry Potter. Takes a look at the books with a new eye, an eye that is more attuned to the casual cruelty JKR wields. Examines elements that we brushed over as children. Contextualizes Harry Potter in its British Neoliberal context, and points out the moral failings of JKR’s allegories. Realizes how Harry Potter does not call for true revolution, but merely a comfortable status quo.

Critical works like these have helped so many reevaluate Harry Potter with a more mature view. By looking at JKR’s output, we are better able to understand her current bigotry and call her on her views. Trans analyses of the books have highlighted transphobic material that went unremarked upon in the 2000s.

Why stop here?

Is it because talking about the game supports JKR? Or is it because people are condemning anyone who even thinks about talking about the game?

I know I’ve seen a million posts on my dash along these lines. “I don’t trust you if you play this game. I will block you if you talk about this game. You are not an ally if you talk about this game.”

And this, this makes me angry.

Because I know you’re trying to reach people who will pay for the game without thinking about who that money goes to. People who will not acknowledge the real terror JKR is inflicting on trans people. People who will say “let me enjoy the thing.”

But you’re not just reaching them. You’re also saying, in effect, “any talk about this game will get you shunned, blacklisted, harassed. Engaging with this game means that you are not a good person. Good people don’t talk about Harry Potter anymore.”

Aren’t we always banging on against online purity culture? Saying that media consumption is not activism, and that you don’t get to be a good person just by consuming the “right” media? Because right now, you’re saying the opposite. That media consumption is activism. That you are a good person because you don’t consume the bad media. That any talk about this does real harm to people.

And to be clear, I’m not talking about personal blocklists. Curating your online space and blocking stuff that you don’t want to see is not the problem here. The problem is the rather explicit statement that anyone who talks about Hogwarts Legacy is immoral. 

And as a media critic, and a Jewish queer, I cannot accept this.

We must talk about the things that hurt us. We must continue pushing back against the bigotry of the Wizarding World. We must have a voice at the table, because no one is going to do it for us. Not the gaming press, not the suits at WB, and certainly not the world that produced millions of preorders for this game.

Once again, we cannot pretend Hogwarts Legacy doesn’t exist. The real question is: how will we talk about it? 

Because if we’re not talking about it, someone else will be. 

Daniel Craig has been kissing and fucking men onscreen longer than many of you have been alive. Benoit Blanc is the tamest man who sleeps with other men that Craig has ever played.

Angels in America 1993

Yes, love, that is Malfoy’s dad underneath Daniel Craig.

Love is the Devil: Study for a Portrait of Francis Bacon 1998

Why yes, dear hearts, that is The Master from Dr. Who being banged from behind by Mr. Craig.

Also, this one is not for the faint hearted.

Infamous 2006

Yes, youngsters, that is Thranduil next to Daniel. Unfortunately, Daniel just murders a bunch of people with him but doesn’t kiss him. He kisses the tiny guy on his left. Toby Jones or as you might know him…

Culverton Smith the blackmailer from BBC Sherlock.

Last but not least I’m going to go with

Enduring Love 2004

Yes, lovelies, that is Mr. Lovegood getting himself up close and personal with Mr. Craig. Bookshop AU anyone? While Daniel does not play a man who sleeps with other men in this movie he is known to kiss them when vitally necessary.

This one I’m adding for reasons that seem fairly obvious.

The Mother 2003

Yes. Yes, that is Ann Reid, of so many roles I can’t possibly choose one, okay, Dr. Who. Here she is playing a 68 year old woman after having the best orgasm of her life given to her by, you guessed it, Daniel Fucking Craig. How’s that for a diversity win?

No money, no credit cards, identification is all vocal/fingerprints/retinal, so no wallet.

Again, doors are voice activated, or just unlocked by entering a code.  No keys.  

Communication devices are tiny and stick onto clothing starting in Next Gen.  TOS had bulkier communication that they carried around or kept in, like, packs and stuff, so the arguments for pockets is a little more valid, and if I remember correctly, those costumes did have pockets, tho I could be wrong about that.  But anything post TNG, the point is moot anyway.

Tricorders and phasers are really the only thing anyone’s carrying around, and that’s usually on away missions where they’d be bring their packs/holsters or just have them out.  I mean, who wants to stick a phaser in their pocket?  

During Postwar occupation by Americans, Japan was experiencing massive shortages for the raw materials needed to make soy sauce nationwide, and was forced to rely on exported materials from America to make production. A single American woman named "Ms Appleton" was given total control of apportioning all American soy bean rations to companies, how much, and to who. She had no knowledge of soy sauce, allegedly.

She apparently had so much power over Japanese soy sauce production that she could singlehandedly shape its future by threatening to not give soy beans to any company, family, or factory which did not utilize her specific requirements of semichemical fermentation (reduced from chemical fermentation, since it was that abhorrent). These days, the term soy sauce is distinct from traditional shoyu, and requires distinguishment because of such a radical difference the two products are.

Here's the problem, folks:

I can find absolutely no evidence that Ms Appleton ever existed. There are no sources about this specific period in Japanese history that I'm able to definitively confirm. All of the sources which reference Ms Appleton are referencing in circles with each other; there is no listed source for any of them. Kikkoman's official English website is a veritable goldmine of information regarding this piece of history, with an entire 4 size 13 paragraphs. It not only gives me a first name, Blanche, but also tells me she worked for General Headquarters and that her policies and decisions shaped governmental policies heading into the future.

Except any variation of searching for Ms Appleton, Ms Blanche Appleton, and so on gives me absolutely no information about her ever existing. By appending keywords such as Ms Blanche Appleton+soy sauce, or Ms Blanche Appleton+GHQ, we can find the same couple of sources that are circling each other--or, in the case of the latter, only Kikkoman.

But there is NOTHING else. I'm getting pageantry from some minnesotan town; I'm getting world war 2 veteran records and obituaries when trying to follow that route; I'm getting k-12 teachers and a Titanic survivor named Charlotte. There is no fucking evidence of a Blanche Appleton to substantiate these claims.

And this is fucking massive. Because there should be way more information on her if this was the case; she was apparently powerful and influential enough during the occupation that she could singlehandedly enforce whatever arbitrary rules she wanted on the soy sauce industry and they had to comply or else have no product at all. That level of power is fucking insane. Imagine having so much raw influence over Japan that you could order them to completely renovate and change how they produce and make SOY SAUCE, literally one of if not THE most important thing in Japanese culinary history--and yet there's absolutely zero reference to this outside of like, three specific sites, and none of them have sources, or if they do, they source those sites.

What the fuck is happening here? There shouldn't be radio silence about this woman. There should be records of her policies, there should be legal documents in America which record how she apportioned out American exportation of soy beans to Japan, there should be sources talking about this woman's ability to transform Japan's soy sauce production so heavily that today only 1% of all soy sauce is made with pre-WW2 traditional techniques.

So if she's that big a deal then why does she not exist?

This is a translated page of Kikkoman's .co.jp website, with an apparent picture of Ms Appleton.

But this says that she has an apparent good knowledge of soy sauce brewing--directly contradictory to the Kikkoman.com claim that she had "no experience". And it also claims she was in charge of GHQ, which I'm going to assume is a mistranslation, but still.

I am at the point where I am genuinely considering the possibility of Blanche Appleton never having existed. There is the chance that Kikkoman invented an 'ambassador'-type person with high influence in the General Headquarters during the occupation to grant itself apparent influence/validity/power above the rest of the competition. "The woman who controls all soy materials coming into Japan visited our main factory and said she liked us :)".

It's incredibly fitting that my first act of serious investigative journalism is about soy sauce. Like, I'm a little annoyed at how on brand this is for me. Of course I'm overly invested in this weird little nitpick about soy sauce. Of course I'm making this the government's problem.

It's currently 12:14AM. I have just learned that a private individual submitted a research query to the Japanese National Diet Library in 2008 regarding any information or proof of Blanche Appleton in relation to soy sauce production.

The researchers found absolutely no reference or evidence of her that was not directly related to the Kikkoman company, even after trawling the archives of the Asahi Shimbun Newspaper since 1945.

This information was told to me by a follower of mine--who asked to be anonymous. So right now we have evidence that Japan as an entity cannot find evidence of Blanche Appleton ever existing within relation to soy sauce production. And I can't find evidence of Blanche Appleton existing in obituary records, nor any publicly available birth/deaths.

Right now there seems to be more and more evidence that Miss Blanche Appleton was a complete invention of the Kikkoman Company possibly dating back nearly a hundred years. But why?

If nothing comes back from my Freedom of Information Act request, I'm going to be contacting Kikkoman directly. I'm not going to just let this slide. People have been noticing this since at least 2008. Who is Miss Blanche Appleton? Why would she be faked by Kikkoman? What's the point of this lie, and if it's the truth, if she was real, why can't I find any proof of that?

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1) DON’T use your search bar to find and open the Run app

2) DON’T type in services.msc

3) DON’T find Adobe Genuine Software Integrity Services and right-click to get a dropdown menu, and don’t select ‘properties’

4) if you happen to click properties, DON’T use the startup type dropdown to locate the option to disable the program. be sure you DON’T click apply to finalize that change. 

5) DO NOT do the same thing in order to also disable Adobe Genuine Software Monitor 

if you do all of these things, this WILL disable adobe’s ability to monitor the software, and you will be forced to continue using the same older software that you already paid for instead of having to sign up for a newer, shittier version and pay more for it. so if you have lots of cash to spare and are cool with putting it the pockets of racketeering capitalists, definitely don’t do any of these things. 

I’M SORRY MA'AM. I KNOW YOU’RE UPSET.

Can’t help falling in love with you.

Buy a pretty box/basket/hamper/shelf/trash can and put it right where you always put shit anyway. Screw wherever you’re “supposed” to put things, that’s neurotypical bullshit. I’m not getting up and walking to a drawer, who has that kind of executive function?

Is this coffee table where hair ties go to die? No what are you talking about, they love it here in their cute little box.

Is this hall table where the mailbox threw up? Nah friend that is the trash can next to my front door where I dump envelopes and junk mail the second I come in the door, and the little basket hanging on the wall is where the important mail lives!

Are these earrings just rattling around on that side table because I forgot to take them off before getting in bed? Of course not, look at this pretty tray, this is clearly their home.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

The plate must be clearly and openly displayed in a place of great prominence whenever it is in your possession. When it is not in your possession, the display piece must remain in place. This is where you would put your gay pirate plate, IF YOU HAD ONE.

No active steps may be taken to prevent the theft of the Gay Pirate Plate. That goes against the spirit of the game, as does attempting to hide it.

The plate MUST be stolen and cannot be gifted or removed with permission. Should you witness attempted theft of the Gay Pirate Plate you are required to intervene and return it to its place.