Untitled

Wine had always been his drink of choice.  It was by far more palatable than any strong swill aged for God knows how long.

The wine he had been drinking for the past evening was especially sweet, and it was hard to resist one after another, and another.

There were only a few occasions he let himself be so careless when drinking but after too many tedious days of working without break this felt like something he was owed. Finally, able to get properly wine drunk in his own room on his own terms.

Last time he recalled it was with the little brothers of the gang, when he was just as green as they were. Collectively they had goaded him into drinking an entire bottle of Koshu wine in record time. He also distinctly remembered losing that wager as well, and that he was notoriously mocked for being a lightweight. This was all before he had self-restraint and not as susceptible to childish bets of holding your liquor.

The sliding door opening had interrupted his vague reminiscing. It was you, coming to bed most likely.

"Huh, I don't think I've seen you drink before." Raising your brow at him and glass in his hands.

"Except those times with the old boss."

Ignoring your previous comment, Kai nudged the dark stained bottle on the end table. “Have a drink with me.”

Shaking your head you gave a quick pass with your hand, “It’s late, Kai. We should go to bed.”

“Are you refusing your boss?” Amusement lilted in his voice, suggesting he was trying to mess with you. It was unusual behavior for him, but from past experiences he did tend to behave unusually under the influence.

“That’s a punishable offence.” Lifting his glass to his lips taking a long sip.

“You’re not my boss. You’re my partner, idiot.”

Usually when he was sober you might have held your tongue, but he was less stringent in his little stupor.

Scrunching his eyebrows together he made a faux wounded expression, “Disrespect is also an offense.”

“And I’ll be sure to stand trial in the morning.” Retorting back.

Chisaki would never admit it aloud but, he enjoyed that you were so outspoken and not afraid to say what was on your mind with him. It was surprising but also refreshing. When you called him idiot, it was almost... endearing? Although, if anyone other than you wanted to speak their mind like you, they wouldn’t be speaking for much longer. Rappa had come to mind and the time he made the mistake of calling him Overjerk to his face.

Taking a final swig of his drink he muttered into his glass about the “serious consequences...” you would face in the morning.

After finishing the last drop of rosy liquid, he let his arm recline against the edge of the end table. The hand that was holding onto his glass relaxed and he felt it slip from his fingertips and fall to the floor. Luckily, the glass was quite thick and landed on the ground with a clang instead of a shatter.

Blinking in surprise, he let out a small, “hmph.” Usually, he was quicker with his reflexes.

Funny what a little booze does to someone’s equilibrium. Kai wondered if this is what Sakaki's quirk felt like

“Are you finished? Can we go to bed now?” Gesturing your thumb to the empty awaiting bed.

“No, I’m going to stay up awhile longer. You can join me if you want.” His voice was low and slow, not clear as it usually was, and his pronunciation was also bit off.

Sighing heavily at his adamancy you pulled up a spare ottoman, “Fine, but you need to sleep soon.” Scootching yourself closer to his chair in front of you.

Narrowing his eyes, he leaned forward to get a good look at you before challenging you again. “Telling me what to do now? You’re really a glutton for punishment.”

The edge of your lip twitched into a small smile.

“And you’re really a pain," bantering back childishly. "But I've learnt to live with it because I love you."

He stops himself, trying to suppress an oncoming smile.

“I suppose I’ve learnt to love you too.”

“Do you think I was a good match for you?”

The subject has been a sore one. Even after a few years of marriage, the lingering self-doubt invaded your mind. You thought on more than one occasion that it would eat you from the inside out if you didn't say anything.

Furrowing his brows together, Kai shifted his gaze from his teacup to you. "What brought this up?"

Many times, he had dismissed your quiet concerns. Chalking it out to be nothing but uncertainty about your ambiguous role as spouse to a yakuza boss. That was only a minor problem that was part of the bigger issue.

“Ah, there's no real reason." Feigning a tight smile, you take a delicate sip from your cup.

You wanted to get a straight answer from him, but you wouldn't get one without raising questions. Mulling over your choice, you let your tea sit in your mouth for a bit before swallowing thickly.

Tired of mincing your words, you spoke up again.

"You just don't seem like…someone who would ever marry. Frankly, I didn't think you would be interested in anyone or even me."

Kai's dust mask had been removed beforehand, and you could see that his lip had twitched briefly into a scowl. The realization of your words must have felt like a slap to the face to him.

Shifting beneath your cushion, you felt a deep pit growing in your stomach. Not unlike earlier but now accompanied with the sense of wrongdoing.

“You think I’m lying about how I feel about you.” It wasn't a question, moreover an accusation towards you.

Saying your name again, he expected for you to have an answer for him.

"Tell me."

Shaking your head quickly, "No! no. I don't think you're lying, I'm just- I'm sorry." You stammered trying to quickly rectify what you just said.

Refusing to drop the subject, he continues pressing more answers from you. "Do you think we're together because I pity you? Do you think of me as someone who takes pity often?” His slim golden eyes narrowed further down at you.

'No, I actually think the quite opposite.'

He was fixated on you with a hard look. The discomfort under his gaze made you unable to sit still, adjusting and then readjusting yourself before settling into your seat again.

Kai repeated your name again, louder, and more assertive this time. No longer asking but demanding your attention back to him.

Pursing your lips together, you gently shook your head, "no, I don't."

There were warm tears welling up in your eyes just shy of running down your face. Clasping your hands in your lap, you tried to ease the slight tremble of your fingers.

You didn't mean to offend him. You spoke before you realized what it must have sounded like to him.

Blinking away your tears and taking a small breath inward in attempt to regain your composure, you bow your head to him.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to offend you, Kai." Allowing your head to linger

Sighing at your resignation, you heard him get up from his spot at the low table. Footsteps padded across the soft tatami until you could see part of him in the corner of your eye.

Kneeling beside your cushion until he was eye level with you, you tried not to acknowledge his presence beside you.

"Raise your head."

Afraid that you had upset him further, you meekly obeyed and tilted your head to look up at him.

"It was wrong of me to speak to you like that. I should be the one to apologize." He spoke in a much softer tone.

Seeing a pale streak across his usual blemish free skin was strange.

Without thinking, you carefully you moved your finger to his forehead but stopped just shy of the skin. Blinking in surprise at your advance Kai had been taken aback but made no effort to stop your examination.

Warily, he watched your movements and occasionally glanced up at your expression.

Brushing aside part of his hair that was skewed across his forehead, you slightly tilt your head to take a better look.

It was no bigger than a hundred-yen coin, and it was quite a peculiar shape. Almost like an upturned crescent. Gingerly stroking your finger against the scar, you could feel the slight difference in texture.

For a second, you had expected him to revolt away but he stayed perfectly still and barely flinched at the contact. You felt relief wash over you knowing that he was comfortable enough being touched by you.

Dropping your attention back to him, you seen that he almost looked as fixated on you as you were with him. You were about to hastily redirect your attention back, but his voice breaks you from your thoughts.

"Is it bad?" His voice was monotonous as usual but there was a quirk in his lip suggested he was playing with you.

It was rare that he joked with you. Anytime he did, you would jump at the opportunity to retort back.

"Hmm..." You think with faux consideration and humor him with a reply, “It adds character.” You reassure while poorly hiding your amusement.

He lets out a dry laugh, and you smile in return. You wished you could savour these moments longer. They were always so few and far between.

Letting your fingers linger awhile, you reluctantly retract them away when you're finally content with your inspection.

Upon thinking about it, you wonder about why he chose to leave the mark in the first place. You feel your curiosity beginning to pique again. It was unlike him to let a wound progress into a scar without trying to heal it. You couldn't help yourself from inquiring about it further.

“Can I ask why you kept it?”

A few moments pass by, like he was hesitant to speak about it.

Closing his eyes in thought, he sighed through his nose, “I needed to atone for my actions. It was only right I keep it.” He admits.

For his actions, but what did he do?

The way Kai had phrased his words made you believe he was doing so for your own peace of mind. He never divulged in any grim details with you, and it was something you were grateful and suspicious of.

You've heard rumors in hushed conversations about his merciless tactics during fights, it was something you could hardly believe over how ruthless they sounded. To think that anyone could come close to touching him surprised you. One could only assume what happened was nothing good.

Finding your voice after his confession, you finally reply. "I wish I could have helped you." You gave him a half-hearted smile to ease the tension.

"You shouldn't worry about me, besides it's in the past now." Dismissing your concern over him.

You let out an airy laugh at the double standard, "Oh? I know if roles were reversed, you would fuss over me." You insist.

Kai had the small hint of a smile on his face again, "I suppose you're right about that." Softly agreeing with you.

“Have you had a bath recently?”

Never one to beat around the bush, was he?

You could almost picture the crease in his brow just by the sound of his voice.

Cringing at his phrasing, you shrink away in your spot on the bed. You thought Kai wouldn’t have bothered you, thinking you had gone to bed early or just didn't feel well. Hours had likely passed, and you still had been hiding underneath the ruffled sheets and comforter, which had been serving as your makeshift refuge the past few days.

Much to your dismay, you felt a dip in the bed beside you. Choosing to stay silent, you shut your eyes tightly and harshly bite the inside of your cheek.

A light tug at the sheets made your fingers and toes curl nervously and hearing your name again, your stomach twisted at the sterner tone he used.

"Did you hear what I asked?" As usual, he was incredibly curt.

Reluctantly shifting from your side, you pushed the thick covers away from you. Sitting up on the bed, you brought the underside of your legs close to you.

Kai raised a brow at you like he was expecting you to say something, waiting patiently for you to collect yourself and the longer you took, the more noticeable and sharper his gaze felt on you.

Swallowing thickly, your throat was uncomfortably tight and dry. Parting your lips to speak, a faint and scratchy, "I-" escapes your mouth and quickly dries up before you snap shut and grimace at your lack of subtlety.

You watch Kai's gaze falter ever so slightly and his usual stoic demeanor change at your response—well, lack of response.

He opens his mouth, presumably to grill you for an answer again but hesitates.

“Please, I’m not trying to patronize you.” There was a gentle pleading in his voice that surprised you. You didn't think he begged for anything—of course, he never actually needed to.

Clearing your throat, you spoke softly and hesitantly. “No. I…” trailing off, you blinked away in embarrassment, “I haven’t, I’m sorry.”

"And why not?" His question didn't at all sound accusatory, he sounded genuinely curious.

"I just...forget sometimes." That wasn't exactly a lie but neither the truth either.

Bathing, eating, and things you would normally do without a second thought just slipped your mind or you ignored it completely. Maybe you were making a mountain out of a mole hill, but mundane activities became incredibly taxing lately.

Expecting a lecture or at least a stern talking to, he only sighed wistfully. “Is there any…other reason you want to tell me?”

Of course, he must have sensed an underlining issue that you weren't telling him. Otherwise, he would have taken your word at face value.

Shaking your head again, you brought your knees closer.

Angling his gaze to try looking in on your expression, there was a moment of uncomfortable silence where neither he nor you budged. It almost felt like an eternity before you heard him murmur something unintelligible to himself.

Standing up from his side of the bed, he motioned for you to follow as well. “Alright then.”

“I can't have you neglecting yourself. Let’s get you cleaned.” Blinking rapidly at his sudden change in tone, you scurried from the bed to your feet.

It was strange to you, how quickly he dropped the subject. Furthermore, he didn't even seem that upset when you refused to tell him anything else. His usual lack of regard towards people's feelings might had given you the idea that he would have prodded further at you for an answer—not that you wanted him to. Whatever the case, he didn’t press further.

"Let's get your clothes off first. Hands up for me.”

You open your mouth to protest something but decided against it. If he was so keen on helping you, you'll let him.

Kai must have caught that because he briefly glanced up at you for permission. Giving him a forced tight smile, you comply and put your arms above your head. Grabbing the hem of your shirt, he takes his time pulling it above and over your body.

Discarding your top on the bed, he moved his hands to sit on your waist where your pajama bottoms were. Your posture stiffened when his thumb stopped just shy of your waistband, there was a hint of a wry smile on his lips.

"I'm sure you can do the rest by yourself. I'll prepare the bath." He said before promptly turning on his heel and allowing you the privacy of the bedroom.

—

The robe you wore felt like a safety blanket—even though you both were intimately familiar with each other—you clutched it tighter against your chest.

Sliding the shogi door open, you noticed the drastic difference of the air. It was thick and soupy with warm steam fogging up every corner of the room. Breathing in deeply your let it fill your lungs, it was relaxing albeit dizzying.

You found Kai on the edge of the bath, he was leaning over the water, and idly testing the temperature with his fingers. Upon hearing you, he stood up from his perched spot and gently smiled at you. Outstretching his hand, he beckoned you forward.

"It should be warm enough now." Nodding, you carefully stepped towards the bath, fiddling with your robe's belt in between your fingers.

Taking the hint, Kai pivoted himself away from you, keeping his back politely turned as to not invade your privacy.

"Let me know if you begin to feel lightheaded. It would be a problem if you fainted."

Loosening the knot on your belt, you shed the robe off your shoulders. Haphazardly, you fold it over itself and lay it on the rim of tub.

You cautiously dip your toe in the water to test, before actually stepping in. Closing your eyes, you lowered down into the bath. The hot water enveloping around you, easing aches you didn't realize you had.

"Does the water suit you?"

"Mhm." You smiled and sunk deeper into the water.

It was perfect, pleasant enough that you feel you could spend hours just soaking in it.

Peeking through your eyelashes you curiously watched him hang up your discarded robe on a small hook and place neatly folded towels on the vanity's edge.

It caught you off guard when he started to loosen the tie around his collar, followed by untucking his shirt. Jerking yourself upright, the sounds of sloshing caught his attention but gave a light snort when he seen the wide-eyed look on your face.

When he mentioned getting you cleaned, you thought that he wouldn't be joining you.

Averting your eyes when he began unbuttoning his collar, you felt heat bloom at the tips of your ears. Pulling your legs towards up to your chest, you hug them close to offer some semblance of decency for yourself. Absentmindedly, you began to flick at the water with your fingertips, more to keep yourself distracted than anything else.

Breaking your fixated trance, Kai spoke up. "Sit in front of me."

Following his lead, you scootched yourself towards the middle of the bath and allowing him room.

Climbing in behind you, you sat rigidly still and took long and steady breathes to calm the nervous tremble in your throat.

You noticed that the sides of his legs just barely grazing you, the bath wasn’t especially wide which made it a bit awkward. Luckily for you, the bath just was large enough for two that you weren’t pressed against each other. Just barely.

It was hard to ignore his presence and every subtle movement made you tense up. Your body was wound tighter than a coil and upon noticing, Kai began to massage lightly at your shoulders to ease your nerves making you jump from the contact.

Slowly growing bolder, you could feel his nose meet the back of your shoulder and softly breathing against it. Moving his mouth to tease near the taut muscles of your neck and just barely grazing against the sensitive flesh. You shiver uncomfortably, feeling goosebumps rise from where he touched.

The tension in the room is heavy, along with the hot bath water's embrace and steam clouding your senses, it was enough to be nauseating. If the circumstances were different, you might have found this favorable, but everything at once became overwhelming for you.

"Kai, I don't—" You manage to gasp out, but couldn’t bring yourself to finish your sentence. Ceasing his movements, he retracts his hands away from you.

Regaining his composure, he took a sharp breath inward, "Ah, forgive me, we shouldn’t." Placing his hands on your shoulders, he gingerly rubbed down your shoulder blades to further apologize, "Not tonight anyway.”

You heard a small huff of a laugh behind you, “it would be counterproductive."

"We’ll just relax." Encircling his arms around you once more, he leans back with you and settles comfortably against the bathtub's edge.

Little by little you feel yourself unwind with him, dropping your head back to rest on his collarbone.

Not long after the water cooled down and your fingers began to wrinkle, you both had gotten out.

Stepping behind a thin paper partition you quickly grab onto your robe. Slipping your arm in each sleeve, and tying the cincture in a neat, and looped knot.

Peering outside the divider you see that he's also similarly dressed in his robe already.

You watch as he tussles his hair with a towel and shaking out the excess water from it. Seemingly satisfied, he gives his head a comb through with his fingers.

He lifts his eyes to you once he sees that you were staring and gives—what you could only assume—a hint of a teasing grin.

"Here, let me dry your face." He offers.

Turning to the bathroom vanity, he produces a clean face towel and begins drying the beads of water along your jawline. You scrunch your face up as he swipes over your nose and moves to collect the small droplets on your cheek.

For a moment, you think he might say something. The silence stretches agonizingly long before he does.

"You need to tell me if things are difficult for you—"

Almost expecting the oncoming lecture, you interrupt him before he can finish, "I know."

Clicking his tongue disapprovingly, he must have mistaken your answer as an apathetic one.

"—Because it will allow me to make things easier for you." Lightly chiding, he sets his hand near the base of your skull for extra emphasis.

"It was a lapse in my judgement to leave you uncared for, I'll be sure it doesn't happen again." His voice stern, but genuine.