What it feels like to love a fucked up man..
He sends you random messages. He asks you out. He's sweet. He can hug you tightly making you feel as the most special person in his world. He gives you soft kisses too. But no— he's not in love with you.
He's fucked up. He doesn't know what he really wants. He talks to random girls but he doesn't like any of them. He's fucking someone he's not in a relationship with. And when he gets the chance, he'll make you feel like you are all he ever wanted. But yes, he do that to other girls too. Probably even better with them.
He's too good in sending wrong signals. But you know what's worst? You love him anyway. You can be all mad with what you know he's doing but once he's back, you accept him like he did nothing wrong. People will tell you how idiot you are for falling for him but little did they know how hard it is to love a fucked up man. Love itself isn’t easy and so imagine loving a guy who doesn't know what he really wants in life. Yet, you still love him. Even when everything between the two of you is a blur. Because there is that little hope in you that he will soon realize how better he is with you. But that hope is too little nobody can even see it. Not even him.
You’re trying to be his hero. You’re trying to save him from all his bullshits because you know how amazing of a person he could be if only he’s not a douchebag. However, it is something he should see by himself. You can’t just always open your arms widely when he’s trying to come back. You shouldn’t always keep up with his mixed signals. Because the only right way to love a fucked up man is to stop loving him and let him realize what he lost in the process of being an asshole. No matter how much you love him, you have to stop eventually because trying to save him could make you lose yourself.
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