Professional Procrastinator

Ace Trappola has always believed the concept of love to be…pointless.

Every time he saw someone kiss, he'd roll his eyes. Why did people have to show their affection where he could see it? It's not like you needed love to be happy.

'Why'd you get yourself a girlfriend, then?' His brain asked.

Because I was a doormat back then, he replied. I didn't know how to say no or let her down softly.

'If you believe love is pointless, why are you getting married tomorrow?'

'Cause I'm an idiot that fell in love with another idiot.

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Deuce Spade would like to believe that he has a realistic view on love.

He doesn't really believe in loving someone while ignoring their flaws. Nor does he believe love is perfect. He saw it happen when his parents got divorced, and his shitty dad left his mom with him and his grandmother.

'If you don't believe love is perfect, why do you think your love is perfect?' His brain asked.

Because…

His idiocy is contagious.

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"Homies, broskis, the freshies locked in and we're finally going to see them get married!"

"You're strangely excited about this, Cater."

"Well, obvi, it's like watching our little babies grow up! Also, weddings get a lot of views of Magicam~"

"There's the catch."

"Hey, I never said you could use our wedding for views!"

"Ace, you should probably be nicer to our upperclassmen. It might not have been too hard for Dorm Leader and Trey to come out since they live in the Queendom, but Cater had to come all the way from the Shaftlands."

"Hmph."

"Deuce, there is no need to call me that anymore."

"Ah, sorry, Dorm Lead—I mean, Riddle! Force of habit, I guess…"

"No need to worry, Deuce. Your adherence to respect hasn't changed, even after all these years. Unlike a certain someone…"

"Ehehe, thank you, Riddle!"

"Hmph, why does Deuce keep getting compliments?"

"Maybe you should have a better attitude, Acey. Back to the pictures. Why don't we strike a deal? I'll send you all the photos and vids I take during the wedding, and I get to post some of them on Magicam!"

"You're starting to sound like Azul, Cater."

"Don't you dare compare me to him, Trey. I don't scam people."

"Considering your job, I would say that you're basically scamming people."

"You Trey-tor!"

"Fine, fine, I'll take your deal, Cater. I think the photographer might not be here on time, anyways…"

"Speaking of time, Ace, Deuce, should you not be going? The ceremony is starting soon, is it not?"

"Shit! Deuce, I thought you had an alarm set to an hour before the ceremony!"

"I thought you were going to set the alarm!"

"You dumbass, why would I set the alarm?!?"

"'Cause I thought you were going to be organized today! Isn't that what you told me last week?!?"

"Whatever, we gotta go get dressed. See ya, Riddle, Trey, Cater!"

"Yeah, see you soon!"

As the pair ran off to get dressed, the three upperclassmen laughed.

"They don't change, do they?" Riddle hummed.

"They really don't," Trey agreed.

"How much you wanna bet that they're gonna mess up their vows?" Cater smirked.

Trey rolled his eyes. "I know not to take a losing bet."

"As do I." Riddle nodded his head.

"Awww, you two are no fun."

"Cater, I'm sure there's to be more fun to be had later. Why don't we head to our seats?"

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The music began, and everyone rose to see Deuce, holding a bouquet of roses and walking arm in arm with his mother, who wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye.

As Ace stood at the altar, waiting for Deuce to arrive, his mind asked him, 'Is love not pointless?'

Ace closed his eyes and took a deep breath as Deuce finally arrived at the altar. It's not pointless. At least, mine isn't.

The guests were seated, and after a couple words from Ruggie (who apparently could officiate weddings), Ace began his vows.

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While Ace was saying his vows, Deuce couldn't hear anything, too busy paying attention to Ace's dumb ass face. To match, the two decided to wear makeup in the shape of the card suit they wore while they were at NRC, and all Deuce could stare at was the cute red heart painted on Ace's face.

While admiring his lover, his brain noted, 'You know Ace is far from perfect.'

And that's fine. We're both idiots, anyways.

He then felt a nudge from Ace, with a smirk on his face.

"Hey, it's your turn to say vows. Did you even listen to anything I said."

"Nope." Ace frowned, to which Deuce chuckled.

"Ace, the ace of my heart, when I first met you, I thought you were an idiot. Which you still are, by the way." His statement earned some chortles from the guests.

Ace rolled his eyes. "You can't be talking."

"Okay, buddy."

"You cannot be calling me that when we're about to get married."

"Uh, anyways, you might have been an idiot, but I guess that slowly became endearing, in some weird way. And slowly, that endearment just became…love. I really do love you, Ace Trappola, and I vow to keep your dumb ass safe no matter what. I vow that I'll comfort you when you're upset, support you when you need it, and, well, be your lovable moron."

Ace's face blushed pink. Deuce smirked at his reaction. Ruggie just looked between them.

"Y'all are done saying your vows? Alright then. Ace Trappola, do you take Deuce to be your lawfully wedded husband, to hold him in hardship and wealth, in sickness and health, til death do you part?"

"I, Ace Trappola, take Deuce as my lawful husband, and will hold him through hardship and wealth, through sickness and health, til death do we part."

"And Deuce Spade, do you take Ace to be your lawfully wedded husband, to hold him in hardship and wealth, in sickness and health, til death do you part?"

"I, Deuce Spade, take Ace as my lawful husband, and will hold him through hardship and wealth, through sickness and health, til death do we part."

"Well then, you can exchange rings now." Ace's niece, cute little Kopy, bounded up to the pair and handed them a pair of silver rings on a purple pillow. The couple thanked her, and she went back to her seat.

Ace slipped a ring with a small heart engraved on the ring on Deuce's left hand, and Deuce did the same, using a ring with a spade on it instead. Once they were done, they nodded to Ruggie.

"Now, I declare you both husband and husband. Y'all can kiss now. Time to get my grub."

Ace and Deuce looked at each other, and it took them only a second to kiss. The audience stood up and cheered, and the pair thought the same thought:

Once Trey and Jade graduated NRC, Trey decided to take over the Clover family bake shop, while Jade opted to open a branch of his own "family business"near the Queendom of Roses.

They still kept a cordial relationship and stayed in touch. When Trey learned that Jade was moving to the Queendom of Roses, he offered to talk over lunch.

One thing led to another, and now it was a daily routine for them to have lunch together, often in Jade's office.

However, every time Trey visited Jade to deliver lunch, he always wondered what was in the closet Jade kept in his office.

One day, Trey managed to work up the courage to ask.

"Oya? There are dead bodies in the closet."

"Wait, you're serious?" Trey's eyes widened in concern.

Jade gave him an unnerving smile. "Well, do you think I am?"

"With you, I never know," Trey shrugged.

The eel smirked. "Well, if it helps, to assuage your worries, there are no dead bodies in my closet, only spare jackets that Floyd bought me."

Some of the pressure on Trey's shoulders relaxed. "Well, at least I don't have a murderer for a friend."

The eel's grin widened, showing his teeth. "My, I never said that, did I?"

"I think that's my cue to leave. Have a good day, Jade."

"May you have a pleasant day as well."

Trey put the closet out of his mind, until a few months later, on an unusually sunny September day, he arrived early.

He had initially planned to leave after placing the sandwich and green tea cake slice, but the closet piqued his interest once again.

As stealthily and quietly as he could, he attempted to turn the knob to the closet (which, strangely had a mushroom with small little warts engraved on it.) The closet was locked, yet had no visible keyhole. Trey then concluded that it had an enchantment on it. He pulled his magestone, preparing to cast a spell…

"What are you doing?"

Trey let out a panicked noise, swiveled around and aimed a spell at source of the unknown voice, which turned out to be the eel that owned the office. Jade dodged the spell and calmly walked over to Trey, placing his suitcase down on the floor and flashing a strained smile, teeth showing.

"I'd like to ask you again, Trey. What are you doing?"

Trey took a deep breath. "Let me explain myself. I came here early and figured that you were busy. I just got curious about what was inside the closet."

Jade backed away, huffing. "I believe I told you already that the only thing inside my closet are spare jackets."

"Well, how am I to know if you're lying or not? You were in Octavinelle, after all."

Jade stayed silent for a minute, before smiling. "Heh. Trey Clover, you are far smarter than many people think you are."

Trey shrugged. "Not really. I'm just an average guy, running a bakery."

"That's what you'd like everyone to believe, Trey Clover."

Trey walked to the door. "Whatever you say, Jade Leech. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Leaving already? Safe travels."

As Trey walked back to the patisserie, he wondered why Jade had been so defensive over the closet. Maybe he's protective of his coats.

Or…maybe he's actually hiding something more.

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The next day, Trey decided to come early again, to see if Jade was in the office. Interestingly enough, he wasn't.

Trey found it strange that Jade wasn't in his office early, considering that he had attempted to break into his closet only a day earlier.

This time, Trey got straight to business, placing the food on Jade's desk and pulling out his ruby red magestone. Trey attempted to remember what he had learned in his practical magic class (along with some tutoring from Riddle) to form a spell to open the door. Trey closed his eyes and concentrated, aiming the spell at the closet. He cast the spell, and to his surprise, it worked, indicating by a small spark of magic.

You would think Jade would have a stronger spell in place…getting it on my first try was a miracle.

Trey then took a deep breath, and opened the doors to the closet…

to reveal a figure jumping out at him.

"SHIT!" Trey let out a scream, stumbling and falling on his back. Trey then heard some amused giggling, looking up to see heterochromatic eyes looking back at him.

"What the fuck," Trey said. He looked at what landed on him. He found a plastic skeleton, head on its side, on his chest.

"Did find what you were looking for?"

Trey sighed, taking the skeleton off of him and getting up, Jade helping him to his feet.

"I guess I did," Trey replied, looking down at the plastic skeleton. "You planned this, didn't you?"

"Quite perceptive, aren't you? I thought it would be funny."

"Nearly gave me a heart attack." Trey adjusted his glasses and let out a breath.

Jade simply laughed. "Well, now you can see what is inside my closet, then." He pushed the doors wider and lo and behold, the only items present were coats of different colors and fabrics. Trey scratched his head in embarrassment.

"It really was just some jackets, huh. Sorry for being so nosy, Jade. Guess my curiosity got the best of me."

Jade went to close the doors of the closet, locking it again with a spell. "Ah, no need to worry. I haven't been this entertained in a while."

"Of course this was just a game to you, you slimy eel." Jade shrugged, an amused smile still on his face.

"Now that I've had my fun, why don't we have some tea together? Azul imported some tea from the Scalding Sands recently and gave me some. I've heard it's quite aromatic."

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Jade peered at the body on the floor, letting out a sigh. Why couldn't someone pay back their debt for once? This was all too much work. Blood covered his white gloves, staining them red. Floyd whistled in the background, whistling some folk song from the Queendom of Roses.

Jade huffed and heaved the body over, Floyd moving to walk alongside him, still whistling.

"It was kiiinda unfortunate this lil shrimpy couldn't put up more of a fight. Like, what's the point if this ain't even enjoyable?"

"You know what Mother and Father will say if we don't do this, Floyd."

"Hmph." Floyd skipped ahead, spinning near one of the lamp lights. "Hopefully Goldfish isn't up late again. Wouldn't want him to learn 'bout this, ya know."

"HOW THE FUCK DID MY FLYNS JUST RAGDOLL ALL THE WAY FROM THE TRUCKLE-DUCKLE FIGHT TO THE FUCKING WAYPOINT?!?"

"Ah, Idia, not so loud. My ears are ringing."

"Get noise cancelling headphones, Azul."

The octomer rolled his eyes, glancing at his loser boyfriend. Idia was playing the hit mobile game "Jenshin Impact™" and was trying to level up the most recent character he had obtained.

When Idia showed Azul the character, Flyns, that he bought with some of Azul's money (which Azul still needed Idia to pay back), he looked like a kid on Christmas getting all the presents he wanted. Idia rambled on about Flyns and his rolls, saying, "Can't believe I got the ultra uber rare triple five star! Super early too, only at 30 pity on a 50/50. I managed to C6 Aeno too!"

Azul didn't understand any of the words that came out of Idia's mouth, but listened patiently and commented that Flyns looked like Idia.

"My broski, my homie, what? I look nothing like Flyns. His hair isn't even on fire like mine, and his makeup isn't even the same color."

Azul gave him the most bombastic side eye he could, to which Idia answered, "What? He doesn't look like me, IDK what you're talking about."

Azul, not in the mood to argue, huffed and replied, "You're lucky I love you," and turned back to finish self-studying. He once had peace and quiet, until Idia started raging over Jenshin Impact™.

Azul, unfortunately, did not have any noise cancelling headphones, though ever since he began dating Idia and staying in his dorm room every other day, he was becoming more and more convinced that it was a worthwhile investment.

Azul shook his head. His partner convincing him buy to an item that only had worth on occasion, and willingly giving said partner money to spend on a game that didn't even have a stock? Truly, he was going soft.

As Azul gazed at his boyfriend, who had switched to a different game and was grinning menacingly at the monitor, a small smile formed on his face.

Perhaps being soft wasn't the worst thing in the world.

He'd only have to hope that neither Jade or Floyd saw this.

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"Azul, what are you doing with that ragdoll?"

"I was researching how to animate inanimate objects and wanted to test it out on this doll."

"Azul, why does the doll look like me?"

"Oh, just because I think it's cute."