Wolves And Antiques

"It's ok," he said quickly, not wanting to upset her too much, he hadn't ever thought of the day he lost his virginity to be anything worth talking about, and at the time, he didn't even really know that anything was wrong, he certainly hadn't planned on things unfolding this way if he ever did tell her about that night but ... he supposed that was life, you never really could plan anything, "I didn't... I think we had two very different experiences," he said softly, "I wasn't... you know... attacked... just.. I let myself be pressured into something I didn't want because she .. tried to tell me something was wrong with me for not wanting it, so I just bit my tongue and tried not to say no, it wasn't violent, like what you had, but.. it wasn't pleasant either, I didn't even know it wasn't normal sex until my freind told me, he flipped out on me the way I just did on you and jammed responsible ideals about sex into my head like I'm going to do for you, and if he hadn't... I probably wouldn't be anything like the person I am now, see? Trickle down, he helped me, now I'm helping you, and one day I'm sure you're going to help someone else, it's the opposite of the cycle of abuse, but we have to keep it moving or it may never get to the people who need it," he explained, giving her a soft smile and squeezing her hand, "You don't have to do that, just relax, you've had a really long day, alright? Besides, I've learned how to avoid feeling that .. pain when it comes up, most of the time it doesn't hurt at all, but again, our experiences were very different, I can't promise the same for you but... I would like to try, to take the pain away, or atleast to tamper it down until it's not so much of a sharp stab, but just a dull ache, I want to try Qhuinn, I want to help,"

“No, you're wrong Qhuinn, having alot of sex, having indiscriminate sex, having sex with strangers... none of that makes you a slut, ok? It's your body, it's your right to do what you want with it, was it irresponsible to use sex as an escape? To have sex with strangers? Yes, but that doesn't make you a slut, and it sure as HELL doesn't make you deserving or at fault of rape," he insisted, "I don't care if you were the one who came onto him, I don't care if you were the one who said yes, I don't care if you were the aggressor the entire time and then you're in the middle of sex when you say no- because no means no, under any circumstance, every circumstance, I don't care if it was almost over, if you said no, if you said stop, if you stopped wanting it, then that's your right, and it's HIS fault for not listening to that and it's his CRIME for not responding to that correctly, sex has to be 100% mutually consensual or it stops being sex and it starts being rape, and if you said no, then it wasn't your fault- EVER," Nolan was a flexible person, he hated confrontation and most of the time when it came to conflict he would back down to avoid it, but this was one thing he would never back down about, one thing that he would fight about until he ran out of breath, he wouldn't go quiet and accept something so heinous- he just wouldn't, "Qhuinn, when you said no, it stopped being your choice, that's what rape IS," he said slowly, pulling her into his arms and rubbing her back soothingly, tilting his head down to inhale her scent and squeezing her tightly, "I'll help you, I promise, I'll help you, but you have to know the difference between what's ok and what isn't ok, you have to learn about fault and blame and all of that other crap that I know right now just sounds like BS because you feel bad, you feel wrong, you feel dirty and guilty and like it's all on you and I KNOW it sounds like it applies to everyone but you, ok? I didn't believe it the first time someone told me it wasn't my fault either, but that's what I'm here for, to keep persisting until you understand and then to help you feel better, to help you love yourself and heal from this," he confirmed, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, "It's ok, seriously, I have enough anxiety to more than understand frequent breakdowns," he smiled

“It doesn’t make you a terrible person any more than it makes me one, I don’t want to tell you what I wish happened to him, it’s unbecoming,” he said softly, her next words though... they sent a shiver of anger up his spine and his eyes flashed blood red, “You were not a slut Qhuinn,” he said quickly, “And this was not your fault, you didn’t ask for this, you didn’t want it, don’t ever think that, don’t ever believe it, it isn’t your fault that someone hurt you anymore than it’s the fault of a rabbit who’s chased down and eaten by wolves, the only thing you did was be in the wrong place at the wrong time and there’s no blame or fault or wrongness in that, no one should ever, ever touch someone without their permission, I don’t care if you were... walking around stark naked in a bar full of drunkards holding out a sign that says ‘Come and get me’, no means no, nothing can or will ever change that, no means no before someone touches you, no means no when someone touches you, no means no after someone touches you, there is never a time or circumstance in wich it’s ever ok to touch someone when they no- or if they’re too incapacitated to say no, if there’s anything in the world that could turn me into a predator... it would be someone who doesn’t listen when you say ‘no’,” Nolan took a breath, swallowing and trying to blink the redness away from his eyes for good, “Sorry if I’m sounding harsh.. I.. I’m... passionate... about the subject, and trust me, you’re going to learn the truth of all of this, you’ll learn to stop blaming yourself, that’s my new goal,” he swore, reaching out cautiously for her, “Can I have a hug? Before we go inside?”

Jaxson had been out most of the day, and he had felt like he was getting tired, so he had stopped off for some tea, at a fast food place. Drinking the last of it, as he looked up, he groaned. “That’s the worst tea I have ever had. I really need to make better life choices. I mean, that’s possible the worst choice ever. 

“I can promise you that it isn’t the worst choice ever, accepting a free hot dog from strangers outside of a Home Depot for no apparent reason and guilt-eating it even though it looks like something out of a mad science movie... THAT is the worst choice ever, it may not make yo feel much better but atleast you’ll know you aren’t alone,”

"Oh wow, sounds kind of like my grandmother, although she was less magic and more... the type to chase people with big sticks," he laughed, he sobered quickly though, sensing the seriousness of what was going on and feeling his heart absolutely sink, sure he had had his suspicions but he had hoped he had been wrong, he had hoped against hope and beyond hope that he was wrong... "I.. I'm so sorry," he breathed, "I don't... I don't suppose he ever paid for that did he?" he wanted to say so many things, so many comforts and assurances and ... and in the end that's all that he could manage to get out, he couldn't form the words, all he could do was just... ask that stupid question, like he froze or retreated... he didn't know, "I'm sorry," he repeated, "I know I can't change the past, I can't fix what happened but... I promise, nothing like that will ever happen again, I won't let it, you'll be safe with me Qhuinn, ok? I promise... you'll be safe here with me," he took her hand, giving it a small, gentle squeeze and taking a deep breath, "It's ok," he repeated, although this time it was more to himself, her next statement really caught him off guard however and he felt his heart absolutely and utterly sink, "Run me off? You didn't run me off, Qhuinn... that... I'm not going anywhere, ok? I'm right here, and I'm going to stay right here, I'm glad that you told me, I do need to know considering the... dynamics of our relationship, but much more than that I'm just glad you told me, I'm glad that you can trust me enough to feel safe telling me," he said softly, squeezing her hand once again and giving her a gentle smile, "Yep, just put me in a medically induced coma or something and go to town, just don't let me wake up with 'assbutt' anywhere on me," he teased, getting out of the car and walking over to open Qhuinn's door for her, "You act like this is the first time you've ever been here," he teased

“Oh um.. what are those cheesecake brownie things you guys have called again?”