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You my love are a fresh cup of coffee after a night without sleep.

How refreshing.

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That’s the thing though, I knew what I brought to the table but you didn’t wanna eat.

Rekindling old flames when the truth is I never let the ashes die..

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“You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul, but cracks to put their love into, is the most calming thing in this world.”

— Emery Allen

allthewordswerethinkingabout

I still think of you sometimes.

Mostly when I’m drunk, out of control.

But I guess that’s the best way to describe me and how I’d describe you, is.

We were never organized or in control, we were sporadic, impulsive.

Out of control.

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I keep staring at your side of the bed. I say your side like you owned it.. of the times you stayed over that WAS your side. It makes me sad because you’ll never lay there again. It felt wrong, like an invasion of privacy, your privacy. Except that it wasn’t. It was my bed, in my apartment.

It’s all about environment. If you grow up in a dirty environment your thoughts will always be dirty. They’ll be “I need to clean” instead of “I need to relax”

Take care of your environment and it will in turn take care of you

Maybe I didn’t physically puke.

But I felt like I had been punched in the gut and all I wanted was to lay in bed. The more I got to thinking the more I realized I do not matter. It’s a weird feeling. An almost freeing feeling. I could fly across the world and no one would care. Maybe I should do it. Sell my things on Kijiji and just leave. No one would miss me.

Treat her like you’re still trying to win her and you’ll never lose her.

Stop waiting.

Stop waiting for that girl to text you back. Go take yourself out for dinner and get dessert while you’re at it.

Go shopping and buy a new wardrobe. Just stop god damn waiting. If she cared she’d let you know.Get off your fucking couch and go do something. Go on a drive by yourself and blast your favourite music through the speakers. Take yourself out for coffee, and spoil yourself.

You do not need someone else to make you feel whole.

You are whole in yourself.

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Man I just wanna be so in love that when we walk in the room everyone knows we’re in love.

God for her I’d go the extra mile but she won’t even take a step for me

I think this has to be the worst feeling.

Coming to the realization that I don’t really mean anything, while you were everything...

Am I suffice?

Do I fill your cup?

Do I feed you?

Are you replenished?

Are you nourished?

Do I give shelter as your storms pass by?

What can I get you?

How can I help you?

Did I answer your questions?

Am I enough?

I will fill you until you overflow but you will not share a drop with me.

I will share what is mine until you are ready to burst, as I sit here no skin to my bones. Starvation edging me on like the hands of a clock. Moving slowly along.

I will refuel you. Gas you up time and time again. Ensuring your fuel tank never be empty.. again.

Like the sun to a flower I vow to never leave you without what you need.

As my arms stretch around you I ask myself time and time again, are you safe? Is the fire burning and are the doors locked? Is my guard up? Forcing those who wish harm to you away? Am I a haven for you as the most violent of storms attack you?

I am at your service, day and night. Dusk till dawn. What can I get you my love?

Am I doing this right? I ask. Do you have everything you need and more? I wonder if you ever ask this yourself...

I feel too wordy. Babbling on about something stupid. Explaining the works of my mind. In the hopes that maybe someday you’ll understand me. I swear I’m not crazy, but between you and me I feel like I am sometimes.

I know there is more out there, you said you wanted to travel. But did you mean to a different continent, or a different person of interest? I swear I can be better, do better. better better better.... how can I be better?

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Almost dropped out of high school

decade

-

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This feeling.

I know I am the last person to cross your mind.

I know I will never be first as you ask your close friends to drinks.

Telling me I can come as I please.

I feel as though I am a ghost striding through the streets, no one sees me.

Do not pity me, it’s my fault I have been put here.

Maybe I wasn’t loud enough, or maybe I was too loud when I spoke.

I can feel this feeling taking me over with vengeance. A revenge sort.

A reminder that I did this to myself.

I call three times. No answer. I’m not surprised, I have become accustomed to this.

So I lay on my couch drinking, and thinking. In a circle, coming back around to restart this cycle.

I will never be the first person to cross your mind, I know I will be last.

Home.

I told you I made it home safe, I doubt you care though. Maybe you’ll check your phone maybe you’ll ignore me. Leave me on read, as our conversation comes to an end. Who knows.

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