I got my lips pursed kissing the mascarons

"Gareth? Can I tell you what I hear?"

He nodded. His words were still shut off. He didn't look up though. He didn't want to see her face. Listening was hard enough.

"You're angry about what your grandfather did to you, but you've never said that you're angry at him. Him. The one who did that to you. You're angry that you had nobody to turn to to trust, to help you and protect you, but you never just say that you're angry with your mother. For leaving you and choosing drugs over you. People that you should have been able to trust failed you. But you blame yourself for that. You were a child. You were just a child. So how does their betrayal, how does what they chose to do, become your responsibility? Why are they the innocent ones? Why are you the one who has to still suffer?"

"What's the point in blame anyhow? What's the point to anything like that? My mom's dead. The past won't change just because I get mad." He said but heard how soft and shaky his voice was. "It's all going to be with me anyhow. Forever."

He turned his face away but not quickly enough to hide the tears that seemed to come from nowhere. He deserved more than pain. Would he, could he, ever believe that?

"Well then tell me. What's the point in getting angry at yourself? Punishing yourself for what? For being ill? For the abuse that others inflicted upon you? For being the victim of people who were supposed to love you,?" Brody said and he looked at her then. She was just there. Not attacking him. Not judging. Just seeing him. "Can you ask yourself this? How much more do I have to suffer before I'll allow myself to actually be better? Be happy? Gareth What does it take to start believing that you deserve more than pain?"

.

He started to, very tentatively, actually communicate with Brody. To his shock the effort was enough. She contacted Azzawi who agreed to sign for his release. He was nonplussed at the news. He had stopped thinking that getting out was something he would ever do. Technically he could have left anytime that he chose. Except then he'd have no psychologist, no therapist, and he would face, alone, the looming and undeniable threat of further breaks.

He hadn't stayed there for himself. He'd stayed because Zeus deserved a better version of Gareth than Gareth had been confident he could be. Zeus was the first person to ever try to make Gareth's life better. Not just in the moment. Not just to make Gareth more of who they thought he should be. Zeus had cried on him and stayed. The man took the pain and refused to say 'Enough! I'm done!'

They released him on a Friday morning. Which was a suprise to him. Days of the week hadn't seemed to count. He had assumed that Sunday's were that one day when he didn't have therapy but he hadn't been entirely sure. It hadn't mattered anyhow. When every day consisted of being a patient.

"You've worked hard. Made real progress. Don't stop with that just because you're going home." Dr. Dead Doll said as he shook Gareth's hand and the mask smiled. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I hope I don't see you again."

"Likewise." Gareth said but had eyes only for Zeus, who was waiting for him.

The first hug of freedom felt like falling back into a better world. Into a world he had never hoped to find and had almost forgotten held a place for him. The embrace was warmth, welcome, love, and security. His body knew. That he belonged there. That he mattered. That someone truly loved him. The intensity of his relief was almost overwhelming.

"Love, my love, my love!" Zeus murmured into his hair before drawing back and unashamedly kissing Gareth. Deeply. Then the kiss ended but the embrace didn't. "You're coming home! Home! It's a wonderful day!"

"The best day of my life." Gareth said through tears and took his words and let them be truth.

.

"How long was I in there?" Gareth finally asked as they sat in Živio, waiting on their salads. The weather felt off somehow. "I didn't know today was Friday until they told me."

"Forty-two days. I've missed you." Zeus said and tried, somewhat successfully, to avoid tearing up. "God, I've missed you!. Our friends, they...they have been very sweet. They asked after you, but, well, they saw how upset I was. So they were kind enough to just ask for a weekly report. Brazza and Jester and Patty Mae have been waiting for this day too. Jenner, he's with Clark now, he told me to tell you that they're having us to dinner as soon as you're ready for that."

"All those people? I forgot...I forgot that life was still out here. I've spent more time in the hospital than at home in the last three months." Gareth said and let his guilt have a place. It was going to be there anyhow. "I'm, uhm, well, I think I might be on a good regimen now. I only feel a little strange. And I'm okay with that. If I ever finally get normal that will feel strange too."

"If you ever become what this world considers to be normal you will be changing doctors." Zeus said with such stern disapproval that it seized Gareth's attention entirely. "Neither one of us is normal and being just like everyone else shouldn't be a goal to strive for. Fuck that! Normal? You are complicated and unique and I love every unusual thing about you. You don't have to lose yourself and give up all that you are just to be better. If you aren't you, you're neither better nor well. You'd just be another imitation playing the game that we can't win but that They always will. Every day doesn't have to be perfect. There are no universal answers. You don't have to prove anything to this world. I love you. My heart is yours. With you at my side I have it all. Everything else is only icing."

"That's scary."

"What is?"

"How much you love me." Gareth said with eyes wide and heart open. "It's also incredibly sexy. So, uhm, can you not do that anymore until after dinner? Well, and until we get home maybe?"