pale chub

Mike you’re into piss and we all know it

he’s a scorpio and I’m a capricorn so I fully sign off on this judgement

I THOUGHT YOU ASKED FOR MY BIRTHDAY SO YOU COULD GET ME A GIFT GOD DAMN IT

top 10 anime betrayals

i just accidentally absentmindedly ate a whole fucking apple. like i didnt even realize i was eating it until it was all gone. one moment it was in my hand and i guess my brain went: C O N S U M E

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Please allow this gifset of Jeff Goldblum holding a tiny sleeping puppy to bless your Dashboard.

@ the universe: give me a summer romance w/ a cute boy or i will personally beat you up

can we let old people know they can lower the brightness on their phone cause lady sitting next to me on this bus is trying to signal ships in the night with her damn phone that’s so damn bright it look like the Avatar has just been found in an iceberg after 100 years looking like Loki about to roll up on this bus cause he found the damn Tesseract like this phone is straight up about to fucking kameyameya my ass this shit is so god damn bright for no reason it’s a dark bus and this lady looks like she’s Link in a dark dungeon that just opened a treasure chest type shit like i’m going blind folks

I had to pee really bad and o forgot that I had just sliced jalapeño peppers and the chef is looking nice at me weird because I’m pouring milk on a rag and running to the bathroom

My dick has been on fire for over an hour

I told my chef what happened and he was like “you only make that mistake about fourteen times”

He tells me this story about this time he had gotten out of a chili class in which he had been cutting habenjero peppers all class and he goes back to his dorm and starts finger blasting his girlfriend and she stars SCREECHING.

She he fukin SPRINTS to the dorm prep kitchen and gets a gallon of heavy cream and runs back to the room. He starts pouring this shit all over her Cooze right, and she’s like shoveling cream into her hole. And he’s freaking out. Like he’s so sure that this chick is don’t with him forever.

So they deal with this thing and the cream works and he’s like massaging it into her pussy for like a half an hour because you have to constantly soak it to nullify the habenjero oils or whatever. And she gets INTO IT.

She fucking CUMS

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE AT WORK AND CANT POST EVERYTHING AT ONE TIME FUCK OFF

its serialized. he’s a modern day dickens

“Welp I can’t fix that shit”

This was exceptional

I’ve never seen such an accurate example of what conversations with your best friends are like.

Really? I guess being accepted is just as bad as being hated. I bet of the girls had hissed in disgust he’d be sobbing and ranting about acceptance.

Having straight people only see you as fap material isn’t acceptance you fucking homophobic walnut

Let’s also talk about how this is definitely an act of disgusting racial fetishism as well.