Relationshrimp dynamics

Those sick fucks at Ocean Spray will mix anything with a cranberry

big fan of telling people "have fun" when they say theyre going to the restroom

you have to be careful reading too many things that are good/smart/well-written bc then you encounter something that isnt and you get confused like ? why didnt they just make this good ? were they stupid

hopefully i'll get to do something other than endure soon. that would be really nice

just invented something at dinner called soundboard storytime where i explain the plot of hamlet to my younger sister & her friend while our other sister punctuates every sentence with a choice sound bite from her phone

“hamlet STABS the man behind the curtain, thinking it’s claudio—- but it’s POLONIUS. [vine boom] [OOOO MA GAAAWWWD] that’s right, he just killed his girlfriend’s FATHER. [WAT DA HEEEELLLLLL] [BRUH.mp3]”

the art of youtube poop will survive after the singularity

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life

The really weird autistic sweet spot where you just say things you think and people find you super funny

sometimes an american will be talking to you and they start throwing around numbers like 70 or 90 when talking about the weather and you just have to smile and nod