The last time I edited this I was 21 and I’ll be 23 in a couple of days, I am not sobbing .. one day closer to meeting Allah
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@alittlealif
The last time I edited this I was 21 and I’ll be 23 in a couple of days, I am not sobbing .. one day closer to meeting Allah

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Some of these online “men” say all the right stuff and make you feel so hopeful about a potential good spouse but then they don’t condone photography bleh
My 12am thoughts
«mind your own affairs»
Abdullāh Ibn Amr رضي الله عنه said:
"Leave alone that which has nothing to do with you whatsoever, and do not speak about what does not concern you, and guard your tongue as you would guard silver!"
As Samt’, no. 24
The violence of positivity does not deprive, it saturates; it does not exclude, it exhausts. That is why it proves inaccessible to unmediated perception. Viral violence cannot account for neuronal illnesses such as depression, ADHD, or burnout syndrome, for it follows the immunological scheme of inside and outside, Own and Other; it presumes the existence of singularity or alterity which is hostile to the system. Neuronal violence does not proceed from system-foreign negativity. Instead, it is systemic—that is, system-immanent—violence. Depression, ADHD, and burnout syndrome point to excess positivity. Burnout syndrome occurs when the ego overheats, which follows from too much of the Same. The hyper in hyperactivity is not an immunological category. It represents the massification of the positive.
The Burnout Society, Byung-Chul Han
And he said: this route, is first the need,
Then isolation,
Then grief,
And finally, awakening.
Tazkirat al-Awliya, Attar

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Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony, and music inside me.
—Van Gogh
Sadness sneaks in on you the moment you stop nurturing your iman, pay attention .
I want to not want
﴿وَلَا تَبَرَّجۡنَ تَبَرُّجَ ٱلۡجَـٰهِلِيَّةِ ٱلۡأُولَىٰۖ﴾
"… And do not Tabarruj yourselves like the Tabarruj of the times of ignorance.
Muqatil b. Hayyan said: “Tabarruj is when a woman puts a Khimar (cover) on her head but does not tie it properly.”
So her necklaces, earrings and neck, and all of that can be seen."
● [تفيسر ابن كثير ٣٣/٣٣]

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"If you find a darkness in your heart after you have sinned, then know that in your heart there is light, because of that light you felt darkness."
- Ibn Al Jawzi روضة المحبين • رحمه الله
“So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More Compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide”
— Meredith Grey
December has provoked my noisy opinions.
Opinion 1.
Self love/care is misconstrued and can easily be detrimental to one’s imān if not understood and practiced with moderation.
Why? Bc service to man is service to Allah. When we take away the beauty of doing for others and sacrificing our little comfort and giving of ourselves, we take the blessing out of our lives.
Why? we become so self absorbed and selfish. our decisions are based on the I, even if others are wronged in the process. Which is what we see happening all over social media. We’ve become so ignorant about reality we have people fighting over pronouns. And other major issues. Which is sad. But it all stems from this entitlement born from self care. My rights. My comfort. Me me mr me bleh.
Anyways my point, we were not created to become vain. But to worship Allah. And self care, so easily becomes self worship.
May Allah guide me first and grant me understanding and practise. امين.
Opinion 2.
Programmed/controlled negativity is good. I’ll come back later to change this when I find words that make sense.
What does this mean Bc I just made it up? I’ll tell you, since I think I just made it up. Basically, shift your paradigm.
Oh my goodness today is so hot ug. < oh Allah save me from jahanam.
I didn’t eat all day I’m starving < starving is a sunnah and I can get reward if I correct my intention.
My mother never gives me a break and she’s always telling me to do things I’m so tired < I have a mother?? She’s my Jannah? Easy reward??
My siblings never have anything nice to say to me < um, the only people who will give me the truth as is for free, oh look, the perfect opportunity to self reflect.
I hate rainy days < hate your sins man stop being so hateful.
Why is it so windy < so that pollen can travel and um maybe magic is happening.
There’s so much nakedness and evil around us < oh Allah protect me from the treachery of the eyes!
These people are all talk and no action < whoa whoa, whatchu thinking chicken? Your thoughts tell you about who you are.
Are your thoughts inline with Quran and sunnah?
Opinion 3.
Death is a happy occasion.
I mean it’s sad and emotional and overwhelming and heartbreaking. But it’s beautiful for the believer. The entire process. The honour and the outcome, of being bathed and shrouded. A heartfelt send off, if none can fulfill, then all is at fault. Such is the honour, that it’s your right to be sent off with dignity befitting for a believer.
And the best part? We find comfort in the words of our beloved prophet who said something to the effect “ death is a gift for the believer”
Why wouldn’t it be? We’re one step closer to meeting our Beloved. Omg.
We’re going to meet Allah! We going to unite with our brethren. Aameen Aameen Aameen with aafiyah in the qabr! Aameeeeeen!
Oh Allah allow us to fall in love with the idea of meeting you and and allow us to prepare in a manner that is pleasing to you! امين
Oh Allah we ask you for your love and all such actions that will attain your love! Oh Allah please make your love more beloved to us than ourselves and cold water!
Aameen ya Rabb!
Lone Tree, Lightening Day - Jivan Lee , 2020.
American. b. ? -
Oil on linen . 70 x 40 in.

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