Cleverbot

::Buddy, you’ve got such a wrong frequency. But sure, I can send you some music, if you like aggrotech. Who is this, is this some weird aft prank?:: Answering the comm, Cleverbot frowned. Was this a joke? As if he didn’t feel inferior enough around Soundwave as it was, now people got them mixed up over the comm, too?

::That’s not a lie! Lord Megatron is awesome and the best leader we could wish for!:: The question surprised him, simply because to Cleverbot, it was obvious. ::Uh, they’re soldiers? You know, there can’t really be any fighting without soldiers, yeah?::

::Are they just soldiers, if they all look the same? Do any of ‘em ever rise in the ranks?:: M8-TE asked, tired and frustrated and yes, a little bit angry, as he replied. Dropped his servos and slid his claws together. ::A soldier equal to ya normal ones, should be able to rise in ranks an’ change their appearance, so why do they all look the same an’ why don’t any of ‘em ever get promoted? Ain’t that weird when it’s all about equality?::

::Once we win the war, everyone will be able to look however the frag they want, you’ll see. No problem there at all.::

::Is that so?::

::And... It’s also totally yours, if you, you know. Want it and stuff.:: Woah, he was bad at being romantic. He’d meant to go for the ‘my heart belongs to you’ trope, but somehow, he felt that he had messed that up.

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

… Wasn’t it? Apparently not, since Slickride just… sat there. And read, of all things to do. … What the slag? Slowly, the aggressively raised antennae lowered to a questioning angle, Cleverbot staring at Slickride. “… What the frag’s your problem? What do you want?”

“You are obviously highly intelligent- an officer of science, despite your young age. But no one can thrive all on their own. No matter how intelligent. Would you like to talk, now, little one? Have a proper conversation? It’s far more rewarding.”

“I can thrive on my own. I’ve been on my own all life, and I’m doing just fine. Like you said, I’ve made it to be an officer. I’m totally thriving.” Carefully looking over the drone, Cleverbot crossed his arms, making a face that was definitely not a pout as he kicked the floor. “And I thought I told you not to call me little!”

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

“Whaddya mean ‘teach me’? I don’t need any lessons from you, I was raised by the top scientists the Decepticon cause had to offer! One cycle old me probably had had more knowledge downloaded to my processor than you’ll ever have. They uploaded everything in here, you can’t teach me anything.” Tapping his temple, Cleverbot smirked, then huffed out a large portion of air. “And stop calling me little!”

He hummed to himself as came to an interesting part of the report. And yet he still did not look up, and fell quiet as he concentrated on reading.

... Wasn’t it? Apparently not, since Slickride just... sat there. And read, of all things to do. ... What the slag? Slowly, the aggressively raised antennae lowered to a questioning angle, Cleverbot staring at Slickride. “... What the frag’s your problem? What do you want?”

::Yes? Hello? I don’t recognize this frequency, who’s this?::

Fine. So be it. He had no idea who this alternate of Soundwave was, but he did know that according to lord Megatron, Primes were their enemies. So he backed up, chose a gun from his desk, and leveled it at the bridge. If Soundwave turned out to be an enemy, Cleverbot was going to defend himself and teach him that it was a damn stupid idea to walk into the lab of a weapons developer uninvited.

::Buddy, you’ve got such a wrong frequency. But sure, I can send you some music, if you like aggrotech. Who is this, is this some weird aft prank?:: Answering the comm, Cleverbot frowned. Was this a joke? As if he didn’t feel inferior enough around Soundwave as it was, now people got them mixed up over the comm, too?

::Wha- no way! I don’t believe that! And even if it did happen, our lord is better than that, it won’t happen to him! And I don’t worship cruelty! I’m a Decepticon and proud! We’re fighting for equality, and freedom of choice, and no more functionalism! Lord Megatron is going to change Cybertron for the better, you’ll see!::

::Maybe you’re right, but if he’s anythin’ like the one we had here, then mech, that’s a lie,:: M8-TE said. ::If you’re fightin’ for equality, then why do ya have Eradicons, huh?::

::That’s not a lie! Lord Megatron is awesome and the best leader we could wish for!:: The question surprised him, simply because to Cleverbot, it was obvious. ::Uh, they’re soldiers? You know, there can’t really be any fighting without soldiers, yeah?::

::Yes? Hello? I don’t recognize this frequency, who’s this?::

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

“Wha- don’t go groping around my spark with your weird-aft proximity slag! That’s private, how dare you! And just who are you calling little?! You’re not that much taller than me! And- and… stop making yourself comfortable!” Nervousness was the same as fear, fear was the same as weakness. And Cleverbot refused to be weak. Thus, he covered everything with more anger - if he shouted loud enough, you couldn’t hear the uneasiness in his voice.

“I do not grope. I am only able to feel if you are older or younger than me; see it as a way to rank others of my kind. Older than me are to be obeyed, younger than me are to be taught.” Slickride looked back down at his datapad. “I do not feel your exact age, but from your reactions and behavior, I could make a likely guess. And I shall sit here until you calm down, little one. It’s awfully hard to have a conversation when one is yelling all the time.”

“Whaddya mean ‘teach me’? I don’t need any lessons from you, I was raised by the top scientists the Decepticon cause had to offer! One cycle old me probably had had more knowledge downloaded to my processor than you’ll ever have. They uploaded everything in here, you can’t teach me anything.” Tapping his temple, Cleverbot smirked, then huffed out a large portion of air. “And stop calling me little!”

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

“Well I’m totally not. I’m probably way older than you, so show some respect!” That was a very obvious and blatant lie, but Cleverbot didn’t care. Instead, he just sniffed, sticking up his nose. “No way, you deserve all those insults, cog-sucker.”

And so he lazily began to read. 

“Wha- don’t go groping around my spark with your weird-aft proximity slag! That’s private, how dare you! And just who are you calling little?! You’re not that much taller than me! And- and... stop making yourself comfortable!” Nervousness was the same as fear, fear was the same as weakness. And Cleverbot refused to be weak. Thus, he covered everything with more anger - if he shouted loud enough, you couldn’t hear the uneasiness in his voice.

::Yes? Hello? I don’t recognize this frequency, who’s this?::

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

::How the frag dare you do that before even asking for permission?! And who said I’m young, you don’t know how old I am! I could be way older than you, porn-fragger!:: He was young, though, and that somehow only made it worse, Cleverbot hiding behind insults and huffing himself up to appear bigger.

“You sound and act young,” he pleasantly added. “Now, shall I wait for you to calm down, or would you like to stop with the insults now?” 

“Well I’m totally not. I’m probably way older than you, so show some respect!” That was a very obvious and blatant lie, but Cleverbot didn’t care. Instead, he just sniffed, sticking up his nose. “No way, you deserve all those insults, cog-sucker.”

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

::And why would I wanna know more from you? Pch, yeah, sure, you can come visit, if you can track down my frequency and doesn’t mind freaks or huge spiders.:: Giving a low snicker - it most definitely was not a giggle - Cleverbot crossed his arms. Oh sure, a talented hacker like Soundwave or those working with him might be able to find him, but he didn’t expect that some pornstar drone would.

::May I enter, Cleverbot?:: 

::How the frag dare you do that before even asking for permission?! And who said I’m young, you don’t know how old I am! I could be way older than you, porn-fragger!:: He was young, though, and that somehow only made it worse, Cleverbot hiding behind insults and huffing himself up to appear bigger.

::Yes? Hello? I don’t recognize this frequency, who’s this?::

::Follow-up on what? Yeah, that’s me, what’s… Oh. Hang on. You’re that guy. Mr. Porny. What do you want?:: Cleverbot didn’t sound hostile - yet. Honestly, he was just rather confused about why this Slickride wanted to talk to him. About what? Was he going to scold him for having been rude? Pch. Cleverbot would go right ahead and be rude to him, too, then.

::Yes, Mr. Porny,:: he replied, sounding amused even over the frequency. ::My designation is indeed rather… suggestive. I only want to speak, Cleverbot, and I would be happy if an actual meeting could be arranged. I wish you no harm and would come unarmed.:: Pause. ::Of course, if you insist on using Mr. Porny, I may not respond, but never the less, would you like to arrange a meeting between us? I only wish to know more about you and your intentions. In return, you may learn more of me.:: 

::And why would I wanna know more from you? Pch, yeah, sure, you can come visit, if you can track down my frequency and doesn’t mind freaks or huge spiders.:: Giving a low snicker - it most definitely was not a giggle - Cleverbot crossed his arms. Oh sure, a talented hacker like Soundwave or those working with him might be able to find him, but he didn’t expect that some pornstar drone would.

In other news, this is the very first time mun has tried an art style like this, and instead of looking up tutorials and references like a sane person, I just heedlessly jumped into it. And holy pork is it difficult to draw a scarred mouth when you won’t permit yourself lineart! I’m kinda happy with the result, though, and it certainly was fun to try.

It’s horribly silly, and I’ll be the first to admit I can’t draw planes - luckily, I’m the happy owner of the Art of Prime book so I could see what to do. Also, never be ashamed to copy+paste when you’re making stupid comics!

::Buddy, you’ve got such a wrong frequency. But sure, I can send you some music, if you like aggrotech. Who is this, is this some weird aft prank?:: Answering the comm, Cleverbot frowned. Was this a joke? As if he didn’t feel inferior enough around Soundwave as it was, now people got them mixed up over the comm, too?

::Yeah, well, in that case I hope that you do meet the DJD, fragface. Lord Megatron doesn’t need you guys if you’ve got such a rotten attitude.:: 

::Lord Megatron is dead here,:: he practically hissed back. ::So really, we didn’t need him. ‘cuz he lost! An’ it wasn’t even Optimus Prime who did it! Lord Megatron earned the ‘rotten attitude’ all by himself, mech. So why don’t ya try to think for yourself sometime, instead of this weird worshippin’ of cruelty?::

::Wha- no way! I don’t believe that! And even if it did happen, our lord is better than that, it won’t happen to him! And I don’t worship cruelty! I’m a Decepticon and proud! We’re fighting for equality, and freedom of choice, and no more functionalism! Lord Megatron is going to change Cybertron for the better, you’ll see!::